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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 10:37 AM
  #541
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I think I've exhausted my rage. I am worn out. I have been up since 430 AM, full of anxiety and panic. He is angry at me for contacting his mother about all this last night, which I did. I know I should not have done that, and I was acting purely on anger and my strong emotions. I wish I wasn't SO reactive. I am very reactive and act without thinking sometimes. I just sent him a text saying I am willing to be civil tonight when he comes home, provided we give each other plenty of space. I also said I will not be contacting his mother again, but I did not apologize for doing so. I refuse to be apologetic, when he's the A-hole here.
You really have nothing to apologize for and don't owe him a thing even civility. Just owe it to yourself to do right by yourself. It's natural to be inhibited when you have had all that criticism.
It's something I'm starting to get a handle on. Always feel ashamed for being uninhibited. Would always have needed a drink to really open up too. I don't think you've anything to be ashamed of!
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 11:03 AM
  #542
The only reason I’d try not to act too crazy is so it can’t be used against you. Other than that you have zero to apologize for and anyone would go bananas if they were in your boat. So I’d not give him an inch.

He is angry at you...well boohoo. He is the one angry? How is he in power seat again?
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 11:09 AM
  #543
Thank you, both.

Yeah... I can't be yelling at him anymore. That has to stop. I think I am utterly exhausted from yelling as well.

I won't apologize to him for anything I've done. Even if it was a bit crazy. I refuse to apologize to him when he's the one in the wrong.

I was assuming he's angry at me for contacting his mother.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 11:21 AM
  #544
I spoke too soon. The anger keeps coming out towards him. Granted, it's only the second day after I found out about this.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 11:51 AM
  #545
Oh well. You told his mother, so what. You didn’t lie to his mother. There is a saying: don’t do anything you don’t want your mother to know. If he doesn’t want people to contact his mother with bad things, he shouldn’t do bad things. It’s on him.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 12:12 PM
  #546
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Oh well. You told his mother, so what. You didn’t lie to his mother. There is a saying: don’t do anything you don’t want your mother to know. If he doesn’t want people to contact his mother with bad things, he shouldn’t do bad things. It’s on him.
Thank you.

It helps to hear this perspective!

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 12:28 PM
  #547
And here's the BIGGEST issue: I am all alone, I have been relying on HIS company all these months during COVID, I haven't seen any of my friends on my own, AND I am stuck here with him every weekend all weekend long? With nowhere else to go, no one else to see and no one else to hang out with? It's COVID... not many people are visiting each other's homes now. How the heck am I going to survive living with him?

Oh, and now he's telling me life isn't worth living anymore.

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Last edited by Have Hope; Nov 24, 2020 at 01:10 PM..
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 01:27 PM
  #548
I have a hole in my gut. My whole world just blew apart in one single instant. My plans to divorce him on my terms were blown to bits and pieces. This is not on my terms.... I didn't want this. Now I am deeply HURT, I am feeling the pain of his betrayal and lies, and all I feel is a huge emptiness in my gut and in my heart.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 01:34 PM
  #549
This is hell on earth. This is a living hell. Plain and simple.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #550
My parents talked me out of using the bank loan to live on and to move out of here. I am stuck living here with him with no solution except sheer misery and hell.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 03:01 PM
  #551
Hell have no fury like a woman scorned.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 03:16 PM
  #552
It is on YOUR terms. File for divorce now. Why can’t you file? Filing will get ball rolling. You might need a bank loan to pay a lawyer. Longer you aren’t filing, longer you’ll be living in turmoil.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 03:18 PM
  #553
If I listened to my parents I’d never have anything I wanted. What do they know. I don’t presume to know what my daughter needs or wants. You aren’t a minor. Unless they are willing to help financially, it’s not their business
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 03:51 PM
  #554
I am a mess. I cannot even get out of bed. Literally, I can't function and I cannot think straight. I am acting out of desperation, panic and emotion. My parents are a good grounding force.

We have to live together for probably several more months. Why file ASAP? I did talk to a lawyer today who suggested mediation. Now he is going to go along with divorce. I cannot afford a lawyer, I don't want to use the bank loan at all, so mediation may be the way to go. The lawyer told me I don't need a lawyer to get out of the car lease.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 05:34 PM
  #555
I have locked myself in my room all day. I will stay here all night. He's coming home soon. First night while being separated in the home. I don't want to even see his sorry as-s face. I don't want to talk to him or look at him. I will remain in my room literally all night. I told him not to come near me and to stay away from my room.

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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 08:40 PM
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:01 AM
  #557
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:06 AM
  #558
Well, that was a tough first night being separated. He stayed downstairs, and I locked myself in my room upstairs.

He woke me up at 3 AM, coming into my room to turn off the air conditioner because apparently it was too cold. Then he turned on the heat, telling me he's cold and can't sleep. I said, so "you're making sure I can't sleep too?" I got mad that he was even in my room. The door was mainly closed, he was sleeping on the couch downstairs, and I doubt the cold made it's way all the way downstairs.

Then this morning he burst into tears, telling me he doesn't want this, that he doesn't want to live without me, and that he knows what it looks like (ie, his flirtatious texting with his co-worker).

I did not say one word, and he walked out the door sobbing.

I now am physically shaking. But I don't feel sorry for him. He did this to himself. He's to blame, for all of it. I think I am shaking from my anger towards him.

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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:11 AM
  #559
I know you feel stuck right now, but you can take a first step in speaking to an attorney (first consultation is usually free); you can get information that you need and can feel a little relief knowing where you stand. I know, living in limbo is a terrible place to be; but knowledge is power.
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:12 AM
  #560
He also informed me last night that he can move in with a family male friend 40 minutes away within one week.

That leaves me with the full month's rent, which I cannot afford unless I break into this bank loan I now have by about $1200 per month.

I told him to call the landlord and to see what his liability is for the apartment lease. He told me I can get a roommate.

I'm thinking the sooner one of us can move out the better, for both of our sakes. Living together is already messy and a nightmare.

I may HAVE to suck it up and use this bank loan for a few months. I don't want a roommate to move in right away. I want some alone time... maybe I could advertise and get one by January 1, but how realistic is it that I could even find a roommate to move in during COVID??

My head is spinning.

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