Is my fear of commitment going to destroy a good relationship?

I've been in a relationship for two and a half years now. This is my first same sex relationship, and we got together shortly after my previous long-term relationship ended. My issue is a fear of planning for the future and a fear that I'm not with the 'right' person for me. I don't know whether not being 'sure' about my partner after two and a half years should be a red flag about whether they're the right person for me, or if this is just my own fear of commitment holding me back. We are very happy together, we make each other laugh and we love each other. However, she is ready to start talking about future plans e.g. moving in together, marriage, etc. I am scared to make these steps in case I get her hopes up and then change my mind later down the line, making things worse. Should we end things now before things get more difficult? Or is it normal to have these kind of doubts in a relationship? Should I work on myself and my own commitment fears to see if it could work? I'm so scared of looking back and having regrets either way. I am just worried that we're such different people that it may not work long term. Is this normal? Should I listen to my doubts that this isn't right? Am I getting caught up in hoping that things could work because I'm too scared of the pain of ending things? It's just so hard when neither of us wants this to end, but I don't want to be selfish and end up hurting her if I can figure my own crap out, and she's left waiting. Would love some advice from anyone who has felt the same/ made a go of things.

Welcome to Psych Central!

Why might she not be the right person for you?

Why might things get more difficult?

Have you seen/do you see a therapist? That sounds like a good idea to me.

This is her call. If she chooses to wait for a time, so be it!

How is your self-image? She evidently sees a lot of good things in you, perhaps good things that you yourself don't yet see.

i COMPLETELY agree with the Wise and WONDERFUL @Bill3 here. i'd suggest to contact a therapist and even talk about ALL of this with Your GirlFriEnd as well. Talk things out. Ask yourself whether or not there's any valid reason to Break up right now. Self-analysis is difficult but it can be worth it! SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Gromit1234, Your Family, Your FriEnds, Your GirlFriEnd and ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

It is 'normal' to experience doubt or fears with taking the next step. Nothing unusual here. I mean, there are after all no guarantees with any relationship..

I would suggest being open with your partner re not moving too fast with the relationship.

Also, you and your partner could benefit from exploring these issues (your fears etc.) in therapy.

Do what is important, and best for both of you.