Being careful about trusting coworkers

Should you really trust your coworkers? The reason I wonder is because, in the end, everyone is at work to get a paycheck and there may even be some competition. Coworkers gossip, they may pretend to like you when they really don't. One common thing I've seen is coworkers talking bad about each other at one point, but then suddenly being all buddy buddy with each other as if they are close. Now some of this may be just them being civil, but I still wouldn't engage in work gossip. In the end, I'm there to work, get a paycheck, and go home or hang out with friends. I really don't even like asking for them for a professional reference but since it is required for some jobs, I have no choice.

I really just don't trust my coworkers at all. Some more so than others, but in general, I keep to myself in order to prevent drama. I don't discuss anything personal. Even when I'm asked how I'm doing, I say I'm fine even if I'm not. I believe they really only ask out of politeness and really don't actually care. Also some of my coworkers will talk bad about others. Yet, some days, you would never know it because they act like they are the best of friends. Do you trust your coworkers? Just wondered what your thoughts were. I think keeping work life and personal life separate is the best policy, and even keeping some work related stuff to yourself if possible may be a good idea too.

For the most part, I'm not very trusting of co-workers. I rarely to never say anything bad about anyone else at work because they may tell that person that I said something bad about them. That wouldn't make for a good relationship.

I feel like most people are two-faced. I don't understand that because if I don't like someone I just don't speak to them unless I have to. But I would give someone a "benefit of the doubt" if I had to. Also, I NEVER SOCIALIZE WITH ANYONE FROM WORK OUTSIDE OF THE PLACE no matter how much I would want to. Just recently I got asked out on a date. I turned it down.

I've had experiences when I spent time with people from work outside of the place. They seems so different usually and I ended sorry that I took that time to be with them. They also loosen up more and talk a lot about how bad the people are and gossip about others.

I feel all my current colleagues are trustworthy - we need to be a good, cohesive team because we look after vulnerable people - but I have had colleagues I definitely didn’t trust before. Ironically I talked, and occasionally socialised with them more than I do with my “better” colleagues, but I had a different role back then. Now, I work by myself and mostly talk to others in passing.
I do think keeping to your personal boundaries around colleagues is a good idea. It sucks but sometimes getting too involved isn’t worth the drama.

I totally agree. Most coworkers are two faced. Like I mentioned, my coworkers can be talking crap about someone one day or even several days, almost to the point of trying to get them in trouble and make them look really bad. Then literally, one day I will walk into work and it will look like they are best friends. They are laughing, talking, discussing stuff that is not even work related. That's why I can't trust them. I agree that personal stuff should stay out of work, unless it is something that may affect your ability to do your job. And even then, I would only tell those, most likely management, about what is going on. Coworkers don't need to know.

I'm glad you are able to trust your coworkers. I think that is rare but a good thing. And I agree, keeping personal boundaries is a good idea. No need for drama.

I totally understand where you are coming from. People are naturally jealous of successful people. That goes for work and personal life. I suppose you will have to bear it and try and make things right with them, because they could do to you, what my coworkers did to me. They got me fired.

I agree. Coworkers are not very trustworthy. Wow, I’m sorry they got you fired. Did they accuse you of something that you never did? That is awful.

A business environment is about business and not a place to bring one's own personal issues and drama in with them. I have owned my own business for years and when I am with a customer it's business and about the service I am providing not about my personal issues etc. Coworkers are associates, not personal friends, there IS a difference and it's important to know that difference because if not it's very unprofessional.

Yep I totally agree. I find it weird when coworkers talk about personal stuff. It comes off as unprofessional. I don't tell them anything, no matter how much I may be suffering and wanting to tell them. Even when I've had family or friends pass away, I never opened up about it. None of their business.

I understand you. I had a similar situation.

When I went to my first job, it seemed to me that there was a good team. I was very young and stupid then.

I was convinced that we should support each other, help, be friends. I really tried to do so. Especially one colleague tried to use my kindness, always asked to do part of the work for her, and I, naively, agreed, because I thought it should be so. But after a month I got tired of it and I refused her. Then she started telling gossip about me to colleagues that I am bad, and I dressed badly, and I behaved badly. From that moment, I realized that I don't have to be kind to everyone. I must think about myself and do my job. In my second job, I did not make such mistakes.

I was like you. I was too nice at first. I knew that you really couldn’t be friends with coworkers, but I still thought they could be more friendly than they really are since they are much older. I don’t get close to anyone at work now.

You can be pleasant AND professional at work. It's not a place for personal drama or social friends or for others to babysit you and provide you with special treatment.

Yeah I agree completely. And for some coworkers, it is hard just to be pleasant but it is required at work.

I think on occasion coworkers can become friends outside of work. Even in those cases it is best to keep that relationship out of the workplace just like a romantic one. If things go south just as in a romantic relationship you dont want it to interfere with work. Generally though It is my experience to keep work away from friends and relationships. If work friends want to remain light and cordial it can make the work day flow nicely but even then the intimate details shared in a meaningful friendship should be reserved for meaningful friends. Generally work should be professional and kept in its own lane while emotionally binding relationships should have their own place. Overall the likelihood of a friendship turning into competiveness, gossip filled he said she said and alienation is more common among coworkers who become fast friends. Plus in many cases it is a quick intensive friendship that is developed over a short term vs. years of working together.

Yep I agree. I am more okay with coworkers becoming friends if one or both leave the job and no longer work with each other. In a way, it would make the friendship more genuine since there is no longer any obligation to talk in terms of work. Yeah it is best to keep things professional. And I agree that becoming fast friends can backfire since gossip is the most likely outcome. That’s how my coworkers are with each other. If you see them together, you would get the impression that they are best friends. But once they separate, one always talks bad about the other. Not a good thing. That’s why I don’t try to be friends with them.

There are no rules that you can’t be friends with co workers. I am friends with several coworkers. It’s never a problem. I am not friends with everyone of course but I am friendly with everyone within parameters of professional behavior. I think it’s exaggeration saying we should be distant at work and shouldn’t make friends. We should just maintain common sense

That’s good that you’re able to mKe friends at work. It probably all depends on the work environment too. Yeah using common sense is necessary.