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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#1
Does anyone believe that it can be seen as intrusive to just assume someone needs help without asking first? I will admit, I do to an extent. If I am really struggling and it is obvious, then I don't mind. But if I am okay and I even say that I don't need help, then I think it can be somewhat intrusive to just help anyway. What is worse is how if I decline someone's request to help, someone may get mad that I didn't accept it. I was once a part of an organization and while cleaning up, a couple people asked if I needed help. I was practically done so I politely said no thanks. I knew them pretty well. Someone overheard that and flipped out on me for not accepting their help. The two people wound up helping but felt very awkward due to how they were acting. It was clearly out of obligation by that point. I wasn't trying to be rude, I just simply didn't need help. But the person who flipped out thought it was rude to decline help.
I've seen that happen to other people too. Some people just don't like it when people assume they need help. I know people who get annoyed when they claim to have things under control, but if you start helping anyway, they get mad. In a way, it may seem unnecessary to get mad but some people may find that intrusive. I knew one person who was in a wheelchair, and despite that, she was very independent. She was able to do lots of things on her own, she just simply couldn't walk. Well if someone just assumed she needed to be pushed or have something moved out of the way even though she was totally capable of doing it herself, she would get annoyed. I know people are just trying to be helpful but sometimes help is just not wanted. Do you think it can come off as intrusive? There are plenty of other examples like this, where someone just assumes someone else needs help which results in the person who is being helped getting annoyed. |
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Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, WovenGalaxy
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RoxanneToto, WovenGalaxy
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
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#2
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When it's more about personal boundaries, yes, "help" isn't always warranted. Sometimes that help is mistaken for someone's "impatience" or a self-serving need to look "good" in the eyes of an audience. I'm sure I could add many reasons to this list. It's about balance. Knowing when it's appropriate to receive the help (without taking it as a personal hit) and when to set a healthy boundary. |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#3
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MsLady
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#4
In the case of the couple, if you were nearly done then I don’t think you were rude to say no thanks. The other person who flipped out overreacted.
In general I do agree that it’s intrusive to help if it’s not needed or wanted - it’s best to offer then accept the other person’s acceptance or declination. Could it be considered entitled behaviour if someone forced their unwanted help onto another? |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#5
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#6
Quote:
Yes, I have had offers to help unload my truck when I bring home my 50lb bags of feed for my horse. Seriously, I unload it when it is convenient for me.....I don't want to call for help & wait. However I do know my limits & I definitely need help with the 80lb bales of hay. When they were smaller (50lb) I could unload & stack them myself. Also after oral surgery it was nice to have the help so I could just sleep & recover. I have helped many people but I always ask if I can help first but most of the time I have a sense they could use help before I ask. However when I have been the first person at an accident I don't ask I just get the needed help called & handle what is needed. Different situations regarding need for help should be assessed individually __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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rdgrad15
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Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
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#7
I believe we should always ask before offering help. Also believe it is okay to say "no thank you". Doing something without asking first sends the message the other person is incapable of doing for themself. It's rude.
Doing something without asking first can also harm the other person. I have a friend with physical limitations that cause her to fall. When people see her fall they jump in and try to lift her to her feet. She gets angry about it. People have hurt her trying to "help." She's the one who taught me to always ask first. As for the person who blew up when the OP declined an offer of help. She was wrong, overreacted and should have minded her own business |
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eskielover, rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#8
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eskielover
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#9
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lizardlady
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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#10
I think that people who regularly make assumptions about others can be very intrusive.
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lizardlady, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#11
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Fuzzybear
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
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#12
You should always be honest, but you have to look at something in the other persons view.
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#13
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