I trusted him again and I feel SO ashamed

There is a reason you can’t be friends with exes. I didn’t date my ex long, but we started a friendship and his entire family loves me. I thought he had changed because he stopped drinking as much and is working out. He got one damn compliment and started acting cocky like he is gods gift. We went to see this dj on a block party then we moved to another one last night. He wasn’t paying me much mind at all...I tried dancing with other people and talking but then he started dancing sexual with other females in front of me! He literally came up to me once to dance. Bottom line, I kept intervening when he would try to dance with some other friend of his which is pathetic. He decided to ditch me and told me to go home! At 1 am...of course he didn’t give me cab fair because I loaned him the last of my money because he lost his ATM card a couple days prior. He refused to hang out with me because Of my “behavior” I am mad for putting myself in that situation when he’s shown me so many times that he doesn’t have any feelings for me. I don’t know why i Thought I could handle it. I’m so disappointed and ashamed in myself

Try not to feel ashamed. likely you put yourself out there, thought your behavior would be matched, but instead you made yourself vulnerable and it didn't pay off. so, you know that meow. move on and likely you're feelings for him will lessen over time. or you might replace your time that you spent together doing something more productive and healthier for yourself. There may be another time to rekindle whatever sparks you had between each other. be ready for that but try not to bank on it because that time may never come. it's really a bummer when you trust people who you've spent so much of your time with, but when you need them to return a level of support, whether that be financial, emotional or whatever, all they know how to give is tough love. no thank you. move on

I think he knows he treated you badly that night, but he’s trying to blame you for it (you went as friends, so you expected he would dance with you at least a few times, but he mostly ignored you like you didn’t matter to him). On some level he probably knew the sexual dancing with other ladies would upset you as well.
I’m sorry. I hope you managed to get home safe at least? He seems to have different expectations of this friendship than you do - neither of you are wrong, per se, but since the only person you control in this scenario is yourself, it seems you have a few choices to make - to reframe your expectations of him, to let him go and do your own thing or carry on as things are.

He Is well aware how I feel about him, and he knew it would upset me but when I got upset he called me immature. I got myself home so no thanks to him. He didn’t care he just wanted to do what he wants with no regards to my feelings. You are going there with me, you should not be carrying on with others that way. Going out of his way to hurt me is not a friend.

Don't feel ashamed. Sometimes people get back together. As a guy friends usually don't work out.

I have to cut ties 100%. I love his family and I appreciate them including me in holidays, but I’m not his girlfriend and I’m not going to hang around like I’m ok with being his “friend”. It’s not going to work. All I’m going to do is keep allowing myself to get hurt. I don’t even blame him (even though I think he manipulated me and took advantage) I blame myself. The first time I saw him acting that way with females, I should have quietly left and not said one word to him instead of getting all emotional and made myself look really bad and unstable. I kept asking him to talk alone and he kept refusing. I shouldn’t have made a big deal, but he’s a real jerk too for not giving a crap about my feelings. I take responsibility for being too pushy, but I’m not ashamed of how I feel. He just doesn’t care about me like he says. He likes me to strike his ego, and he was feeling himself because he has been working out so now he’s gods gift in his mind. I left my stuff at his house but it can wait a few days. I’ll drop by his house in a few days in the morning before he leaves the house and get my things. I’m sick of this happening over and over. I keep smoothing things over even after he hurts me (intentional or not) and I’m really not sending him a good message by allowing the hurt and disrespect to continue.

Experiencing shame happens to remind us that we tried something and ended up experiencing the other person behave badly. Our emotions are there to help us so we avoid doing the same thing again that results in our experiencing something bad again.

Sometimes a family can be nice but that doesn't mean the person we are interacting with is nice. He is probably the sour grape in the bunch and it's simply not worth it to put any effort into him because he just ends things on that same sour note.

Don’t be ashamed. We are only human. But do make an effort to stop seeing him. It’s been dragging on for awhile. He is a jerk and he treats your poorly. Who needs this nonsense?

These strong feelings remind us to pay attention to an existing problem. So ya, feeling ashamed is definitely not a good feeling and you now have enough information to cut ties completely. You deserve better and reacting to his disrespect is human nature. Sure, you could have quietly slipped away. Now you know what you can do the next time some guy gives you a red flag. We don't need to invest any time AT ALL on their baggage. That's their job and we owe it to ourselves to remember that.

Awww, I understand the feeling of shame. I have done plenty of things in my life that I felt ashamed of. We can only live and learn from our mistakes and from the feeling of shame. You may feel this way because you feel you knew better given how he's treated you already. Now that you've realized this, I would cut ties with him completely. He is not worthy, and you did not deserve that kind of treatment. You're only human, and naturally, you were upset. Try to give yourself some slack. But I wouldn't continue hanging out with this man, and I would cut ties.

You may have to move from these feelings and this relationship. You need to respect yourself and be prepared to let go of unhealthy relationships.

Thank you, it really showed me how little he values me. He invited me to go with him. He knows perfectly well I am not on board with sitting there watching him dance with other random girls. He just didn’t give AF. I don’t care if I’m not dating a guy, if I invite him, my attention if on him and for the most part I’m dancing with him, and I sure as hell am not ditching him. Me and him just have different ideas with what respect is. Not expecting him to be up my *** the entire time, but he knows when we’re hanging I am with him the entire time. So bottom line, he can keep hanging with his boys and random people because I’m not going to ever again. There are plenty of guys who will give ME their total attention.

[QUOTE=Disney2019;6970908]Thank you, it really showed me how little he values me. He invited me to go with him. He knows perfectly well I am not on board with sitting there watching him dance with other random girls. He just didn’t give AF. I don’t care if I’m not dating a guy, if I invite him, my attention if on him and for the most part I’m dancing with him, and I sure as hell am not ditching him. Me and him just have different ideas with what respect is. Not expecting him to be up my *** the entire time, but he knows when we’re hanging I am with him the entire time. So bottom line, he can keep hanging with his boys and random people because I’m not going to ever again. There are plenty of guys who will give ME their total attention.[/QUOTE]

GOOD for you!!!! Stick to your guns.....

And yes, his notion is very far from your own view of respect. He couldn't give you the respect you need and desire.

So.... time to move on, onwards and forward march.

Always keep in mind what you expect AND deserve when it comes to relationships and respect. I am learning this one myself.

This kind of individual is selfish and is using others for his own ego. This type simply doesn't care and it's best to learn about this type and just walk away. Nothing you can do will make him care either, his only true care is about himself.

“There is a reason you can’t be friends with exes.”

^I’ll also point out that the waters are muddy as to what you both think is the nature of this relationship. You obviously want him to be more than a friend by your feelings here and your actions with him show him that’s your feelings. His feelings for you are you are ‘just friends’, which to him means he is getting off on dangling you on a string. Don’t let him. He’s not your bf and he’s not your friend.

I used to have a best friend who was a gay male (I’m female). Even when he took me out to gay clubs, he always stayed and danced with me.

Aka narcissistic.. I suspected this but I didn’t want to label or diagnose him. Now it’s obvious

This is exactly my point. He asked me to come, but then is hanging with his friends and dancing with his other female friends and not paying me any mind at all. If I wanted to go to a party and dance with people alone then I would have gone to one without him. I went with him to spend time with him. He just doesn’t get it. But I’m the selfish one for wanting his attention. I would have stayed home. I don’t appreciate being ignored or ditched. Plenty of guys would give me one on one attention and have the brains to know that’s the right thing to do. But he only cares about himself, except for when he gets something out of it.

Are you young? What he did is very immature. Maybe in a sick way, he purposely invited you to get you angry watching him exhibit how he is not into you. That sucks.

He sounds selfish and Narcissistic. He won’t change.

in my 40’s...well our original plan wouldn’t have had that happen, but it’s like he didn’t care at all.