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Member
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
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#1
I've met a girl on tinder this summer who was really into me from the start. She was also the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my opinion haha so I was kind of easy with her: I opened up quite quickly, agreed with a lot of things that she was proposing because I wanted to please her and she behaved like she just craved me.
She asked me what do I want with her and I responded 'to date & see where it goes" (we have been on one date at that point). She said she wanted the same. On our second date she mentioned having feelings for her straight friend and trying to get over it by taking distance from that friend. I chose to ignore it, tbh. On the third date we had sex and my feels went through the roof, I started feeling in love & also very vulnerable. Somehow, I felt like she was less interested now.. She kind of disappeared for a week and when I reached out, wasn't making plans to meet up. I asked directly what's up and she opened up saying that things happened with that friend and it is possible that her feelings for that friend are mutual. "I am a mess", she wrote and stated wanting to be my friend for now. I wished her all the best and shut it down. She expressed feeling guilty and asked if there's anything she could do & I didn't reply. She reached out two times since then, first asking if i blocked her, and second asking 'how are you?' to which I didn't respond. I keep thinking about her A Lot, I really liked her physically and mentally from what I've seen - however, being realistic I have only seen her 3 times in my life and this Should be very surface level, yet I find myself feeling more (which is annoying!!). I went through venting, allowing myself to be angry, to be sad, to forgive etc but the truth is she's still on my mind. Do you think it's worth reaching out? I am afraid to be in the same situation again :\ Any advice appreciated! |
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RoxanneToto
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,011
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#2
She is not available and seems unsure of what she even wants. AND you have feelings for her. I don't see how reaching out would be beneficial to you. It would only perpetuate the upset and/or expectations (if you want more than friendship).
Let her go. Live your life and open your heart up to other possibilities. Who knows, she may come back to you if she gets herself sorted out. OR you may meet someone available and who fully reciprocates your feelings. In the meantime, move on. |
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What_the_hell
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RoxanneToto
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Member
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
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#3
Quote:
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#4
Being that emotionally invested after such sort period of time spent together IS VERY BAD. Do whatever you feel about contacting her but first do something with your attitude before you get hurt, cool it down.
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What_the_hell
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#5
I agree she doesn’t know what she wants - I get the impression she might have been using you as a plan B if things with the straight friend didn’t work out. Even if she wasn’t, she didn’t prioritise you over them, which she would have if she’d been genuinely interested. It is really horrible to be treated as second best for someone else’s affections.
I’m really sorry this happened. I would definitely not contact her, for now at least. And, really listen when people tell you who they are or what they feel - she told you she had feelings for someone else. I totally understand why you ignored that, you probably didn’t want it to be true, but she was kind of warning you she wasn’t totally invested. |
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What_the_hell
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Rive.
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Member
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
7 54 hugs
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#6
yesss you´re on point!! It was a huge eye'opener to me to see that I need to let people show me who they are, what they want instead of seeing/hearing what i want to see.
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New Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: malaysia
Posts: 10
3 |
#7
Try to make friend first ..
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Posts: 329
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#8
Sorry this happened to you! *Hugs*
I wouldn't contact her, but I know how difficult that probably is for you. I think the warning signs from her are there, and I would personally find it difficult to trust someone who was hit and miss and isn't sure what they want with you, or even if they want you at all or would prefer someone else. I would find someone who will put you first and who isn't confused about their feelings for you I know it can be very difficult when you get swept away in feelings though! |
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What_the_hell
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Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 46
3 |
#9
It seems to me that the best solution would be to forget about this girl and move on. The problem is that she hasn’t let go of her past, and this will not allow you to build a normal relationship.
I've had that experience and I know how painful it is. I liked the guy and he liked me too. And then it turned out that he couldn’t forget his ex. He was writing to her, sometimes calling, especially when he was drunk. And then he apologized to me, saying it was all a mistake. I apologized a few times, but when it started happening regularly, I got tired of it. The only thing I regret is that I did not end this relationship before, but lost so much time and nerves. |
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What_the_hell
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What_the_hell
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
3 |
#10
Its worth reaching out, by the way you feel about her, i think its best to say, go and react to her and reach out.
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