advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
RavenGirl1990
Member
RavenGirl1990 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: Montana
Posts: 42
3 yr Member
Default Nov 22, 2020 at 10:03 PM
  #1
Hi,

So I asked one of my ex’s how I appeared to him when we were together. He said that I appeared happy most of the time. The problem though was that I wasn’t happy and I just put on a show of fake emotion that I was happy. I am good at putting on a happy face when it is the exact opposite.

Has anyone else masked their true emotions in a relationship? Or did you not have to hide them? I have had to mask my true feelings in a relationship. And my partner would not know about it. But inside you can feel it and you want to not be with this person.
RavenGirl1990 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Innerzone, RoxanneToto, TunedOut
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto, TunedOut

advertisement
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 22, 2020 at 10:24 PM
  #2
Yes The emotions were ambivalent.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TunedOut
Grand Poohbah
 
TunedOut's Avatar
TunedOut has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
3 yr Member
6,983 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 23, 2020 at 02:04 AM
  #3
My H always said my emotions are easy to read. I used to tell him everything I was thinking but have learned to keep the majority of my thoughts to myself. Part of it is that when you have been married as long as we have been--I have learned that he becomes bored when I talk too much. Sometimes I can become repetitive. I used to have a problem with talking endlessly so some of his reactions have taught me that being more sparing with my words makes me more interesting and pleasant to be around. Sometimes he expresses opinions that I don't agree with but if they are just about things in general, like the news, I don't put any energy into to disagreeing (I have gotten to know how he will react to my comments). However, I have learned to value my internal opinions (not that his are invalid). I used to be effected more by his emotions and reactions but have learned that I don't have to react to everything he says--only the things that are important like things that effect our family.

As far as masking your feeling go--I think sometimes we do this when we want to be accepted but feel like we would not be accepted for who we really are. And there are people who are less open minded about certain things and opinions so sometimes we do this because we are reading other people correctly. Other times, we do this because our self esteem is low. IMO it is important to figure out why we are masking our feelings There are times were it is appropriate--even a matter of survival so we don't lose our job, etc. but we also need people in our life that we can be our authentic self with.

It can be hard to find a partner who is a good listener. I try to be a good listener but know that I am not always. I hope you have people in your life with whom you can feel open and authentic with.
TunedOut is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
scarlett35
scarlett35
Member
scarlett35 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Posts: 329
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Nov 23, 2020 at 07:35 AM
  #4
Yes. Not just with my other half but with people in general. It makes me feel a bit phony at times! Like I'm pretending to be happy when I'm not.

I think sometimes though it's a fear that people won't be able to accept your emotions (well it is for me!) I was always told I was too sensitive. So now I hold things in when I'm upset. Even when people have passed away I find it hard to cry or show any emotion. I feel embarrassed if people think I'm not holding it together.

So you're definitely not alone! I think in a way most people will do this to some extent, but I think we need a select few we can be open and honest with even when things aren't going so well.
scarlett35 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto
herbal tea
Member
herbal tea has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 46
3 yr Member
Default Nov 23, 2020 at 10:17 AM
  #5
I think that if you had to hide your true feelings in a relationship, then you probably did not trust your partner completely. Why did you do that?

I don't want my partner to hide his true feelings from me. And I would not want to hide my feelings from him. It is important for me to know that if I share my problems and experiences, I will be supported.

Maybe that's why you didn't show your true feelings because you thought that your partner wouldn't care?
herbal tea is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous42048
Guest
Anonymous42048 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Nov 23, 2020 at 01:04 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by herbal tea View Post
then you probably did not trust your partner completely.
I wouldn't completely trust my own mother.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto, TunedOut
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 02:37 PM
  #7
Not to sound judgmental but if we cannot be our true authentic selves in our most intimate relationships, then is it worth being in such a relationship?

This is the place we drop the mask, find support and/or can be accepted for who we fully are. If a partner can't 'deliver' and you need to hide part of yourself, it means the trust is not there.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 04:37 PM
  #8
“But inside you can feel it and you want to not be with this person.”
^
My answer was based on this part of the OP. When you said that line, I related to that feeling more than the feeling that you are also saying you can’t open up and be yourself. It’s more like I have ambivalent feeling about how I feel about them, but go along...for a while. My take on it is probably less healthy than the ‘you can’t be yourself’ with a romantic relationship. It’s dating someone though you have ambivalent feelings for them, but continuing anyway.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 05:53 PM
  #9
I can definitely relate - especially in my last relationship. He knew things weren’t 100% ok on my part, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t realise how bad I really felt. I was stupid, thinking my bad feelings might settle down over time but they just got worse until I had to get out.
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 06:01 PM
  #10
Well, i will admit that i often do hide my emotions to other people. That isn't because i don't care about them, though. i often simply don't have the energy to be confronted about it so i just stay quiet. not sure if that makes sense to anyone. In any case, if You do not feel comfortable enough with certain people, and it Happens often, perhaps it is Time to rethink that relationship although that is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. Please do take care. You matter. Hugs. Keep trying. SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @RavenGirl1990, Your Family, Your FriEnds, Your Partner And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
 
Thanks for this!
TunedOut
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 25, 2020 at 06:06 PM
  #11
Well, i will admit that i often do hide my emotions to other people. That isn't because i don't care about them, though. i often simply don't have the energy to be confronted about it so i just stay quiet. not sure if that makes sense to anyone. In any case, if You do not feel comfortable enough with certain people, and it Happens often, perhaps it is Time to rethink that relationship although that is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. Please do take care. You matter. Hugs. Keep trying. SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @RavenGirl1990, Your Family, Your FriEnds, Your Partner And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
 
Thanks for this!
TunedOut
Prycejosh1987
Member
Prycejosh1987 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
3 yr Member
Default Dec 05, 2020 at 12:36 PM
  #12
Its always good to say the truth and work things out for better or worse. Honesty really is the best policy.
Prycejosh1987 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:49 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.