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Newly Joined
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: denver
Posts: 1
3 |
#1
I seem to have a commitment issue. I really love this girl, but I feel very conflicted. I want to get in an intimate deep relationship with her, but at the same, I want to experience pleasure with other women through dating and sex. I can't seem to reconcile these two conflicting emotions. I want to fool around because I am only 24 [Male]. But at the same time, she is truly special. And non-monogamy isn't an option because I know she is very conservative, and I don't want to hurt her with such a shameful proposal.
I first thought that I just want more sexual experience with other beautiful women of various ethnicity for a rich experience. I thought about buying a prostitute and that idea didn't excite me much. So it must be that I want to feel validated, and I feel like I will regret getting into a serious relationship because I missed out on getting experience with others. I thought it was just a normal feeling for young people these days, but now I am not so sure anymore. I think the main issue lies in the fact that I am conflicted between chasing sexual pleasure vs settling down with the special one. I feel guilty because some people will say that if I truly think she is the one, I would forget about other things. But I really couldn't. How do you reconcile such conflict emotions? Uhh, I feel torn down. |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 402
3 612 hugs
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#2
Hi, it's good that you are confronting this issue at such a young age! I settled down really young, and it didn't go too well! I think a commitment issue can swing both ways (undercommitting AND overcommitting).
I might be wrong, but the way you describe it, I think the chasing sex issue could be a secondary issue. You said it's maybe about validation? Have you thought about speaking to a therapist? These are probably very common issues, but if it's troubling you, it could worth be seeking professional help. What are your personal reasons for wanting to make a commitment (not to do with the girl)? And do you have personal reasons for not committing (not to do with other women)? There is already something you feel unable to talk to this girl about, which doesn't suggest you two are communicating very openly. Do you feel you share enough values to make it work long term? Also, sorry to be very blunt but...horny and needy aren't really emotions Are there specific things about the idea of new partners, and the idea of commitment that make you anxious or excited? |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,125
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#3
If you want to be with different women then keep in mind the dangers of getting stds. And you don’t want to expose this nice young woman to anything as that is being selfish.
It’s ok to not be ready to commit and explore. Just be honest and don’t string this nice girl along. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 846
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#4
Let the girl you're with find someone who loves her and only her, as she deserves. Let her go.
Then you're free to do whatever. |
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Rive.
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#5
Leave this poor girl alone.
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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
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#6
Sadly I don't think you quite understand what being in love is.. The word **Love** can easily be abused, and I'm afraid you're abusing it. There is no way that you love this girl when you think that it's perfectly OK to fool around with other women because you want to explore sexuality. You're way to young... too immature. wait until you get older to start thinking of having a serious relationships.
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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#7
I think settling down is better, because people that sleep around tend to be unfulfilled. This is why they keep sleeping around. At least with a wife we can practice makes perfect and we can really work on sex with our partners.
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