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Lanahope
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 10:37 PM
  #1
I desperately need a listening ear. Im not depressed but I don’t find happiness anymore. I’m a stay at home mom of 2 small kids. I have been married for 5 years. I blindly married a man that now has shown who he really is. A couple of years ago I found that my husband cheated on my 3 times with 3 different women. I was devastated and blind sided as I thought I had the almost perfect marriage. We went to therapy for a while and since the lockdown things have been better as Far as me trusting him. He doesn’t really leave the house. He has turned into a functional alcoholic. I get sick on my stomach every time he grabs a drink (I come from an alcoholic family) he drinks 3-4 drinks daily. He never gets violent or changes behavior when he drinks. He is in complete denial that he is an alcoholic. I’m honestly writing this and I want to pack my things and leave. If it was only that easy... to be very honest I don’t leave because of convenience. I live a really comfortable life. I don’t need to work; I don’t have any money problems at all. I grew up very poor and I wanted to make sure my kids didn’t go through what I went through. My kids are absolutely everything to me. I don’t mind getting a job but the thought of leaving them all day with a nanny or in a school breaks my heart (I know it sounds ridiculous) I LOVE spending all my time with them and being able to do things with them as much as I can. I will be absolutely devastated if I divorced and I have to take the kids to my husband for the weekend. The thought of that really worries me. My husband is not the best father either. His idea of spending time with the kids is doing his thing and the kids following alone. He is always working or at least he says he is. It makes me so sad to see that he doesn’t give them any quality time. I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I’m just really disappointed with the choices I made in life and now I’m here. I think about the future all the time and what I should do. I caught my husband deleting some messages from a female coworker and all what I can think of is planning my exit from this marriage life slowly. I never wanted my kids to have divorced parents and I never wanted to have this messed up marriage. I also have my mother living with us because she can’t go somewhere else. I’m totally responsible for her. It sucks! My husband and I never fight or argue. our marriage has turned into a kind of respectful roommate situation with very boring sex every now and then. I feel pathetic. I want to go to therapy but I don’t want my husband to find out, and I can’t do zoom meetings with a therapist because I have no privacy at home. All the kind people who read this far. Thank you very much! I appreciate you!
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Yaowen
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 09:47 PM
  #2
Dear Lanahope,

That sounds like a really heartbreaking situation. I've never been in the type of situation you describe, at least in all the specifics, so I am really unqualified to offer advice. Usually I regret offering advice in any case. You are carrying some heavy burdens and I wish I knew what to say to help ease your load. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond with better words than my poor words. I have been in situations where I felt trapped and it is so distressing and stressful. My heart goes out to you.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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KBMK
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 10:11 PM
  #3
I can not imagine how I would feel in your shoes @Lanahope . It must be so hard to hold it together. It sounds like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it seems so unfair that you are burdened by your mother, and betrayed by your husband. I would be SO angry to find out about three affairs, and couldn't trust again if it had been broken so badly, with signs of these betrayals still happening.
It is great that your kids bring you happiness! I think your happiness is important FOR the kids, too! I hope you find a way to get what you need in this situation. I hope you can have happiness and peace with your children.
I can understand wanting to get away so badly, while not wanting to lose what you have.
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Open Eyes
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 11:36 PM
  #4
I am sorry you are married to an alcoholic. Sadly they tend to be narcissistic and some are mean vindictive drunks. Your husband probably still cheats. The worry with that is if he is sexually active with you and others then he can give you an std.

He sounds like he is selfish sexually too which is boring.

Is he abusive?
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Lanahope
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Default Nov 29, 2020 at 08:50 PM
  #5
Thank you so very much @Yaowen for your kind words ! It means so much to me... hugs from a stranger
Thanks also to @KBMK for listening! I truly appreciate your kind words. I feel fortunate to have my children and I will always be the best mother I could be for them.
Thank you so much @openeyes i really appreciate you taking the time to responde. I wish I knew he was an alcoholic before I married him. I didn’t want to end up with a cheater and an alcoholic he can be very selfish at time but luckily not abusive. He is not controlling or verbally or physically abusive.
Sorry I’m still trying to figure out how to respond individually in this chat.
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Prycejosh1987
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Default Dec 04, 2020 at 11:30 AM
  #6
First you need to decide what you want to do in your future, and then you need to start sowing seeds. The future is made from today actions. Your future is yours and everything in it will come from you, relationships, jobs, family, friends, etc. All the best.
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sarahsweets
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 05:41 AM
  #7
Hey @Lanahope You say that it would be very hard to have to leave your kids or be divorced and have them see their father. Would he be that interested in seeing them alone without you taking care of them? It doesnt sound like he is very concerned now. There may not be fighting or abuse but watching a parent who is an alcoholic not in recovery at the very least normalizes it and at the worst makes it appealing. Kids know when things are not right.

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