Should I Stay or End The Relationship W/ My First Love?

So I’m new to this website; I just now joined because I’m once again staying up all night overthinking about my relationship. I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 6 months (which I know compared to a lot of people isn’t a big deal, but it’s the most serious relationship I’ve been in.) I’m a freshman in college. We’re both young. The first month or so of our relationship was not the greatest. He was not the greatest. Looking back on that now, I wonder if I should have dumped him right then and there. I think I’m a lot stronger now, and I feel confident that if I was put in that position today I would have told him to take me home and **** off the moment I first started feeling uncomfortable. But at the time I just sort of went with it and got over it. Or at least I thought I did til recently. A few weeks after that he also made a couple of inappropriate jokes about my best friend which I almost dumped him for. The only reason I didn’t was because we had many long talks about it and he showed true remorse and swore to me they were nothing more than jokes and he would never say anything like that ever again and told me how much I and our relationship meant to him and he didn’t want to mess it up like how he’s messed up in the past. A part of me thinks that forgiving him for both of these incidents was the best decision I’ve ever made. Even he has admitted that being with me has changed him immensely. Over these past few months I’ve watched him grow and try so hard to be the best he can for me every single day. We still argue sometimes, like every couple does, but overall things are good, great even. But when I’m alone at night with my thoughts I go back to those incidents we had towards the beginning and wonder if I made the right choice. I know that if a guy treated one of my friends like that I would promptly tell her to dump him, and maybe I should have. But now we’ve come so far that I don’t know if I see the point now. I really do see myself marrying him one day, but I worry I’m going to have these doubts forever. (P.S. I have brought up the stuff regarding how I feel about losing my virginity and he apologized and said he never wanted me to feel pressured by him and said that I should have just told him no and he wouldn’t have forced me to do anything. And now he makes a point to get consent and make sure I don’t feel like he’s pressuring me into doing anything sexual, always following everything by saying “only if you want to” and that kind of thing.) If you actually read all of this thank you so much I just really needed to get this off my chest to an outside third party.

If it is bad the first month then it has no way to go but downhill. Things are NOT good and he isn’t a good choice in a partner partially because he is way too young to conduct proper relationship. Btw you can get arrested for having sex in a parking lot. I think you should stop seeing him. There are way nicer guys out there. You deserve better

I am sorry your first experience was so awkward like that. My guess is he is young too and probably isn’t all that experienced.

How have things progressed? Have you been able to be intimate again with him? Don’t just assume he has more experience than he does. Even if he isn’t a virgin he probably doesn’t know how to help you enjoy yourself so that can create discomfort. A first experience often hurts and many women feel strange afterwards as it’s not what they expected.

What do you want to do?

What does this mean? Does it have to do with the virginity issue or did other things happen?

What exactly did he say?

Sometimes, remorse is more to do with a person feeling like his/her character is being questioned which is causing them panic, rather than feeling remorseful over the fact they've hurt someone else.

What do you typically argue about? I ask because being in a relationship is very new to you so I wouldn't assume how you argue is typical in all relationships.

Listen to your gut instincts.

To breaking up with him?

It sounds like a stressful relationship and you're giving him the control. Don't. There IS a point.. always.

After the first time we took a long break from having sex and didn’t try again until August or September. I don’t remember exactly. Since then it’s all been great and we’ve learned a lot about each other and our bodies. I originally thought he had way more experience than me but turns out we’ve been able to try a lot of new things out together and it’s really nice and bonding. I think growing closer emotionally has definitely made every sexual encounter since losing my virginity 10x better. In hindsight maybe I just should have waited longer.

Well I love him and the thought of losing him not only as my romantic partner but also as my best friend terrifies me and makes me bawl my eyes out. I want to stay with him. But sometimes I overthink about the past and then I’m not sure.

[What exactly did he say?]
He flipped her off and she said “you would” and he said “I plead the fifth.” He was basically admitting he would sleep with her as a joke. At first I didn’t catch it and then he made another joke immediately after saying “When your girlfriend won’t let you have a threesome.” I got really really angry but I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s good time with a huge fight so I waited til he went home and texted him expressing how much it pissed me off and I was ready to break up with him until he apologized and showed that he truly was sorry. I also talked with my friends about it at the time and thought more about it and came to the conclusion that he’s just a really really immature teenage boy who was used to making inappropriate jokes like that and was simply too ignorant (that’s the nicest way to put it lol) to think about it before he said it and how it would affect my feelings. Especially after getting to know him so much better I definitely don’t think he’s the type to cheat on me, and even if he was, he understands that’s my best friend and would never try anything with her. So I don’t think he meant what he said. But it was still very upsetting nonetheless and almost caused me to dump him.


[Sometimes, remorse is more to do with a person feeling like his/her character is being questioned which is causing them panic, rather than feeling remorseful over the fact they've hurt someone else.]

I do see your point and I agree, but I believe it was a combination of the two honestly. Although immature, he’s a very sensitive and empathetic person and I think even though his remorse was in part due to him panicking over the possibility of being dumped and his character being questioned, he was genuinely upset that he hurt me and was more upset with himself than anything else. I could be wrong but that’s just how I viewed it.



[What do you typically argue about? I ask because being in a relationship is very new to you so I wouldn't assume how you argue is typical in all relationships.]

Well our major arguments are pretty much always about these two incidents from the past. It’s the only time I get genuinely really upset with him.
[Listen to your gut instincts.]

That’s the thing though. I’m not sure if these thoughts at night are my gut instincts or just me over thinking due to anxiety.

[To breaking up with him?]

Yes. I feel like since he’s come such a long way and things are so good now it would be pointless to break up with him over things he did or jokes he made 5 months ago.

It sounds like a stressful relationship and you're giving him the control. Don't. There IS a point.. always.[/QUOTE]

I only really get stressed about it when I’m left alone with my thoughts. I only ever stress about the past. Nothing he says or does now stresses me out or makes me uncomfortable or exceptionally angry. I only get upset when I think about these incidents. I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’ll 100% put all of this into consideration, but I don’t necessarily feel like he has control at this point. He’s all in. He’ll stay with me for as long as I let him. It’s just up to me whether or not it continues. Thank you so much for your response.

He doesn't seem very mature, however hard he is trying.

There were/are a lot of non-negligible issues when you've 'only' been together for 6 months. This should be an idyllic period... not one fraught with doubts and his ill-placed 'jokes' and/or frustration when he doesn't get his own way.

Just the fact that you are asking this question and having doubts show you are not really (emotionally) satisfied. I would not dismiss these doubts.

I would be very cautious proceeding forward with that guy.

You asked if you should stay or go. I'm asking you to answer these questions truthfully, even to yourself (if not here) and seperate your fears and emotional needs from facts that's upsetting you.

The longer you stay with him, the harder it's going to be for you to break up with him. Resisting your doubts is going to become a habit and you're slowly going to become tolerant to worse behavior. At least, this is what I've often observed in my friends when their in difficult relationships.
To me, he sounds extremely immature. The early part of a relationship should be either great/exciting because you're so wild about each other, or neutral/pleasant and then improves as you slowly get to know/appreciate one another. But what you've described mainly just sounds negative. As other people have written, it's unlikely to get much better. Don't trick yourself by magnifying every decent, nice thing he does and then trying to minimize every mistake he makes.

The two of you are trying to figure out what a relationship means. At times you will be more mature than him. If he isn’t behaving badly now then he is trying IMHO. You are both learning so you will both make mistakes. No such thing as perfect.

Good that the two of you are exploring intimacy together.

6 months is respectable. My serious relationships were 3 months. I did a lot of dating and courting. All the best, remember to always be intimate, it doesnt mean sex but kissing and hugging, If these things fail then the relationships timer will start.