I need advice about a guy... please help, I have no one else to talk to

This is a long, long story although it only occurred in the past 5-ish days, so I apologize in advance.

Last Tuesday I made a post on Reddit in r/teenagers offering people who needed a supportive friend to message me for a pep talk. A few people did but only one conversation kept going after the first few messages. This person I will call RL. He is 18, and I am 17.

Neither of us checked Reddit frequently so we decided Discord would be a better way to communicate. Our conversation was so smooth - which is very rare for me. I didn't trust him at all at first. I was mostly convinced he was just trying to manipulate me into giving him nudes (like the last and only other person I've met online) and so revealed very, very little personal information. Meanwhile he was sending me pictures of his street and being very open. We started talking almost nonstop. I started to feel more comfortable with him, and even though I've never been in a relationship or even tried to flirt before, it sort of just started happening.

I still didn't fully trust him, but I was happy to finally have someone to talk to and knew (or thought) I could cut him off at any moment if I got uncomfortable. I did start to get nervous and decided the best way to solve the issue was to talk to him - as in actually hear his voice. I knew that would help me get a better feel for the kind of person he actually is. So we called, and were both super nervous, but it went really well. He's super into planes and cars and had been telling me all these fun facts about his favorite sports car models, and was very excited to show me his toy car collection without having to type everything out. He also showed me his signed T-shirt from when he left the air force (he joined at 17 and left after 3 months... it's a long story), and the improvements he'd engineered for his skateboard. Not only that, but when I turned my camera on to show him a little wooden robot I built, he sounded genuinely concerned (almost panicked) when he warned me the camera might be pointed towards me at first - I had told him beforehand I wasn't ready to show my face on camera. He seemed very genuine, and the whole conversation felt very natural. I trusted him fully in that moment.

And then I didn't. It felt like it was all moving too fast. We said goodnight to one another and hugged pillows pretending they were the other person. We sent each other selfies and continued to talk almost constantly, all day, late into the night. We stayed up until 1am together on Saturday (well, it was Sunday at that point) and that was when it got really flirty. We talked about going to explore the world together and finding some little place no one had stepped on before and discovering it together, then worked together to describe a scene where we were sitting on a hill alone together, cuddling and watching the stars. I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to feel. I've never done this before, and it was especially nerve-wracking given that I've always been told to never talk to strangers online.

So, after thinking it over, I messaged him the next morning apologizing for flirting even though I didn't really want to be in a relationship, and made it very clear that we'd be friends from there on out, at least until I got to know him better. And he said he felt the same way. He said he was worried it wouldn't be sustainable at the rate we were going, which was in a way how I felt. That encouraged me - I felt like he really wasn't trying to manipulate me and was completely serious about everything he was saying, but I still didn't fully trust him. We kept talking.

Last night we made plans for today to play Minecraft together, and we did. Hearing his voice again made me trust him more, because he really doesn't sound like he has a mean bone in his body. I can feel how nervous he is about talking to me, and not nervous in the type where he's trying to keep up appearances but nervous in that he's excited and wants to make a good impression. We played for a few hours, although I'd planned to only play for one. We talked afterwards and he said essentially that he didn't want to move things along too quickly, but that he kept looking for reasons not to like me and couldn't find any. He said that most people give off red flags almost right away, but no matter how deep he looked he couldn't find any with me - I was perfect, in his mind. And he just kept talking about what he liked about me.

And I started thinking about all the stuff that I liked about him, and told him I liked him back. That's when he told me his birthday is tomorrow - he'll be turning 19. I was already a little uncomfortable with the prospect of dating an 18 year old, but now I'm even more wary. My instinct was to talk to my parents about it, even though I never talk to them about anything. And I was going to. There's just one problem.

If I tell them, there's almost a 100% guarantee they won't listen at all and will just completely restrict my phone/internet use and the issue won't be solved at all. At this point, with how genuine RL is, I feel like if I can't trust him, I can't trust anyone. But at the same time I want to just stop talking to him. I want to stop talking to everyone, and just shut myself in some little dark hole in the attic where people can continue their happy lives without my interference. So the conversation would be pointless because they wouldn't actually help me with the situation, they'd just remove it, and I'd probably go down the isolation path. But there is a small chance my mom would actually listen. And I don't like lying, and feel like telling the truth is the right thing to do. But what if I end up losing something that could change my life? He's already been a positive influence on me. I don't feel like I've been entirely myself the past few days, but I've felt alive. And happy. And that's the part that's not really me - but that's the me that I want to be.

So I actually asked RL about it, and he encouraged me to talk to my parents. He said he'd even talk to them himself if my parents wanted to do that so they could see he wasn't someone to worry about. So naturally I was very gung ho in that moment to tell my mom because I thought for sure, with that kind of support behind me, she couldn't not trust me/him.

But then I talked to my sister. She is completely convinced that Mom will just take away my phone indefinitely and ignore the actual issue at hand. Which is certainly a possibility. She doesn't think I should tell her. But she doesn't seem to think I should stop talking to RL, either.

So here I am. I don't know if I can trust him, but I really, really want to. And I also can't keep lying to my parents about who I'm talking to or who RL is. I've told them a bit about him, but half of it was lies. I feel so guilty. But I also don't want to stop. Please help. And thanks so much for reading that whole mess of word vomit.

Sooner or later they will find out and the more you lie about it to them the more it will compound the problem. I would just bite the bullet and have a talk with your mom. I would start the conversation by telling her how nervous you are that she won't really listen and will just shut you down. Be as clear and mature with the conversation as you can be.

Fingers crossed she will listen. I hope it turns out well for you

Hi ziggy have you seen this guy you have been talking to? Texting and talking on the phone isn’t enough. You need to be able to see him so you can see if he is what he says he is. Not pictures as they can be faked. You have to do face time.

The reason I am telling you this is there are people that pretend to be someone they are not. They know how to get young girls like you hooked into believing them. So it’s very important to see him as he interacts with you.

If he makes excuses about not seeing each other that is a huge red flag.

do you not trust him because you met him online? Or do you have trust issues in general? Or is it something else about him? Jmo, 5 days is an extremely short time span and things developed so quickly. Maybe that's why you are so anxious. Is this your first romance?

My question to you ziggy, is if you cut off contact with him do you think you'd regret it? And are you wanting to cut contact bc of all the anxiety you feel?

Whatever decision you make about this is OK. You're only 17.

You said you never talk to your parents. Why is that?

Please know you are still young and very niave yet. This will make you a target for others who like to manipulate those who are young and have not really figured out how to have healthy boundaries yet.

Your age is challenging in that you want to explore but you are worried you may make the wrong choices. This is typically the age where many experience a lot of anxieties. Anxiety isn't always bad, it is meant to slow a person down and use more caution.

i'd suggest to wait And get to know him better. If he's genuine he won't have any problems with waiting And just being FriEnds on the internet for a While. If You could see his face that would be great as well! Give Yourself some Time to build Your Trust. Be Patient. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @ziggystarlord144, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Last Tuesday? Wow, that is *really* fast. I would slow down with him. I am not saying he is not genuine, he might be BUT you are aware of the dangers of the internet and people pretending to be something/someone they are not.

Slow it down.

And I would not lie to the parents either. At least they will know what is going on and (most importantly for your safety) with whom.

At this point, he's just an online personality. Be careful on what you say is factual. I've bolded the above. He can tell you anything you want to hear.. it doesn't mean it's true.

Be cautious. A predator will tell you what you want to hear. He will try earn your trust and consume your time until you give too much personal information about yourself (selfies, cell number, location, etc.).

You've repeatedly said you don't trust him but are going against yourself by talking with him anyway. That's how vulnerable victims become targets. They ignore their gut instincts because the other person seems nice and tell you what you want to hear.

What could change your life is something for the worst, so be careful and don't ignore these feelings. If you're feeling hesitant with this guy but are maintaining conversation because he's giving you the attention you like, than I'd call it quits.

You have a very good reason to not trust this guy, simply because, 1) he's an online stranger, 2) you're moving too fast with him 3) your gut has been nagging at you

Having said all that, if he's truthful about his age, you're both young and that's kind of high school life.. to be so absorbed into a new crush. Regardless, you're feeling off about him. Trust it.

Are you able to do a search on this guy?

Set boundaries for yourself and him. Trust is something that doesnt happen straight away, it happens over time.

Hi everybody! Thanks for the advice, and you all are right. I told my parents about him a few days ago and they had about the same reaction, but they're willing to trust him, so I'm still texting him. I haven't given away any more personal information and we've taken a step back from the romantic side to get to know each other better first. I know more about him now and feel like I can trust him, at least mostly - even though he seems a little desperate sometimes, he's not pushy. And he's told me more stories about himself that I've been able to cross-check with other random remarks he's made to verify them, so either he's telling the truth or he's a very good liar. Let's hope it's the former.

Glad you told your parents. Good for you!

I may be overcautious but personally I wouldnt trust this person beyond the basics for a very long time. You do not know anything about him and cant verify anything. It is very hard to have a LDR for people that have been together for 5 years, let alone a week or two. You only have what he tells you to go on.