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Default Oct 09, 2014 at 07:05 AM
  #81
I just went back and reread an article that always helps me - lists the ways people are hurt by this abuse - Sex Between Therapists and Clients
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Default Oct 13, 2014 at 01:29 AM
  #82
I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to you LizzieVale. I can understand your initial reaction, my husband has a problem, and I thought it was my fault, but when we separated, I dated other men, and it wasn't me, it was him. So I don't need to look for that validation from my T. But I do understand you looking for that validation, that it was your husband, not you. I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is now filing for divorce. I don't think he accepts he has a part in this, not telling you the side effects of his surgery.
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Heart Oct 15, 2014 at 06:55 AM
  #83
Thank you for all your kind and caring messages. For some reason I didn't receive any notifications come through to my email address so i wasn't aware of your heartfelt messages. Yes Nicole now i've been betrayed by two men or three if you count my father. I feel shell shocked and cant think straight. At the moment its though i cannot for the life of me string two words together to form a sentence. My brain is totally shot and i have trouble remembering things, just everyday things. My Borderline disorder doesnt help matters. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. First my therapist and now out of nowhere my husband of 20 years tells me wants to divorce me If my husband cannot understand that to a certain extent i wasnt to blame then good riddance to him too.. I never went out intentionally looking for sex. It was my depraved deviant of a therapist who preyed on me and knew exactly what made me tick. I trusted him with my entire life and he took that trust and abused it and used for his own perverted self serving reasons. Of course he would have known that what he did to me would have devistating after effects on my well being but he didnt care. He did the same thing to at least another 3 women and probably many more, just that they havent come out and said anything. If my husband blames me for what happened he is the one with the problem not me. Oh incidentally he made sure to bleed my dry of every cent that i had before he asked for a divorce. Makes me realise that my husband wasnt the person i thought he was. Thank you once again for your support and for listening to my rantings and ravings. Peace and love to you all

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Default Oct 16, 2014 at 05:50 AM
  #84
Keep in touch!
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Default Oct 17, 2014 at 10:15 PM
  #85
When you feel betrayed by everyone around you, that is when it is so important not to betray yourself. Trauma on top of trauma is something beyond words. Trauma literally effects your brain - so what you describe is perfectly normal and supported by research. You have been through so much and I absolutely validate what you just expressed. You are spot on with everything! There is an article on TELL written by a husband of a wife who was sexually abused by her therapist. You may want to read that.

Be gentle with yourself during this very difficult time. Sending hugs.
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Default Oct 18, 2014 at 04:50 PM
  #86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topiarysurvivor View Post
I just went back and reread an article that always helps me - lists the ways people are hurt by this abuse - Sex Between Therapists and Clients
great article, thank you for link.
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Default Nov 05, 2014 at 06:48 PM
  #87
Thank you for your kind words of support everyone however i cant help feeling like absolute and utter rubbish. My way of coping is by shoving food down my throat. Im filling that deep empty void inside of me by punishing myself through eating. Of course its a catch 22 situation. The more i eat, the more weight i gain and the more i detest the sight of myself and my lack of control. By my out of control eating I'm just reinforcing those feelings that I'm worthless and don't deserve anything good to happen in my life. My motivation to do anything has hit an all time low. At some stage i have to move out of the family home and find someplace to live and if im accepted will live on a disability pension for the rest of my life. Its not exactly the life i had envisioned for myself 20 years ago when i married my soon to be ex-husband. The morning and the night time are the worst times for me. As i said i cant motivate myself to do anything for the day. But the evening is where the real hell lies. Thats the reason i eat myself into oblivion. Those feelings are so painful to face and i have never ever felt so alone in my life.

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Default Nov 05, 2014 at 07:33 PM
  #88
hang in there.....

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Default Nov 07, 2014 at 11:49 PM
  #89
One day at a time. I, and I am sure many others, understand that lonely and intense and numb place. Do one thing to attempt to be kind to yourself or to reach out, one small thing, regardless or in spite of, how you feel. DO something.....do something kind for a stranger, check out online boards that have people who are dealing with food as love, watch or read something that could be inspiring or funny or just distracting, sit silently for one minute and check in with your body, take a long shower and let the water help you feel present for one minute.

I think we are all learning how to "feed" ourselves better......How to be well "fed" in life? - now there is a question that takes true courage to seek the answer. And an answer that requires having patience with ourselves while we work it out and stumble around - and then forgiving ourselves for stumbling.

Your trauma is intense. Validate that. We do tend to take it out on ourselves, don't we? People may not understand what you have been through - but there are people and therapists that will. Find them!
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Default Nov 11, 2014 at 07:53 AM
  #90
Lizzie, have you got a lawyer or mediator? I left with $400 in my pocket and a daughter - $200 of which went to rent for the rest of the month, and thought I was starting at square one on money. I didn't get a lawyer for 7 years- THEN he disclosed that there was money, and gave me enough for a down payment on for a new house, and I got the house to sell. Make sure you don't have resources you don't know about.
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Default Nov 11, 2014 at 09:43 AM
  #91
Hi Lizzie - As someone who has suffered years of MDD and at times uncontrollable eating, I just wanted to say I feel for you and give you my little advice... you need to get out and do something every day. Sitting around by yourself will only fuel your depression and make you feel more isolated. Even if it's a small step, get moving and feel proud for every single thing you do. Practice extreme honesty with psychiatrists.
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Question Jan 20, 2019 at 10:21 PM
  #92
I dont know if this is the correct section to post re wanting to change Shrinks.

This is the first time in two or so years that i have posted anything. My problem among everything else is that I have been seeing a therapist for 4 or so years now.

I think he is actually doing me more harm than good. He dosent take me seriously, he dismisses or cuts me off mid sentence not allowing me to express my concerns. I dont know, maybe im expecting too much of him? All i know is that i have this gut instinct that he isn't caring or empathetic . Not once, or at least since I can remember have I ever left his rooms and gained any insight or learned how to deal with my problems.

Whenever I say something and he doesnt know what to say he changes the subject and asks me something totally unrelated to what to say. I could be in the middle of explain something which i feel is important, what he does is discuss the weather, or just say something downright stupid.

Honestly i feel like im banging my head a against a brick wall and if anything I think he actually makes me feel worse. Its as though he has pigeon holed me in the too hard basket. In just wondering is anyone else has felt this way and if so how do you move and find another therapist.

Hows this for an arrogant self centered prick. One time i happened to come across a medical site where people can write a review regarding any doctor. I remember this one time we were looking something up on his computer and i said try this site. He was surprised and wasn't aware of this site.

That was back in approx August last year. He had no reviews back then, Now all of a sudden he has something like 12 reviews posted. Most of them glowing and then of course there are a few reviews which are not so positive.ones to make it seem genuine. The site is called RateMDs

Let me post a few reviews and please let me know if these reviews sound legit.

Dr Xis the best psychiatrist I have met so far. He very competent and a great listener he works with me to solve problems resulting from my bipolar disorder. He has also helped me cope with a certain govt dept. He is a really nice person and always very positive and caring

Another one....
The reason I think Dr X is an excellent psychiatrist is because he is humanistic in his approach, he does not label you in the first session, he is thorough and very comprehensive in his assessment/s. He does not load you with medication and takes a very conservative approach when prescribing drugs. I found him open to debatable discourse and at times we agreed to disagree and i appreciated his broad knowledge base.

Humanistic?
How common is that word?
That's shrink lingo not patient lingo.
Please correct me if im wrong .

This is the meaning of the word Humanistic
The humanistic approach in psychology developed as a rebellion against what some psychologists saw as the limitations of the behaviorist and psycho dynamic psychology. The humanistic approach is thus often called the “third force” in psychology after psychoanalysis and behaviorism (Maslow, 1968).

Another one....
Dr X restored my faith in psychiatrists. After some very negative experiences with some very under developed banal psychiatrist, it was a life changing experience to finally be treated with respect and understanding by a highly knowledgeable, insightful psychiatrist. He was always available and supportive. I would have no hesitation in recommending him for anyone who is genuinely suffering any form of mental or emotional distress.

And another
Dr X is one of the few psychiatrist i believe is genuine and not giving a government dept only what they want to hear. He puts all those guns for hire to shame. He is a person of high integrity and gives a balanced view and report.

Anyway i think you get the general idea.,
Am i correct in assuming that he wrote them himself?

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Default Jan 21, 2019 at 09:33 PM
  #93
He definitely sounds like a piece of work. I personally don't care for male physicians of any kind, as I often have felt like they didn't listen to me and didn't give a ****, either. Other people feel differently. Regardless, sounds like it's time to give someone else a try.
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Default Jan 21, 2019 at 10:40 PM
  #94
Thank you susannahsays

I realize that that he actually triggers my panic attacks.

He sees me a broken borderline who cant be fixed

He makes me think that im a hardcore Borderline case and I'm simply a waste of his time. Because he thinks and treats me like an illness, the more and more entrenched and deeper these thoughts of me being a borderline become.

I want and need someone who can help me!!!

I want to improve the quality o my life, I feel as though I'm begging him to help me but he just wont listen.

Actually by writing this post its as though i have had light bulb moment. He DOES make me feel like a hopeless case.

Four years ago when my husband left me after 20 years of marriage I was almost suicidal. I begged him to help me. I needed care, I couldn't look after myself. I kept asking him please I need help, I cant deal with this situation all on my own. He ignored my cries for help. I honestly don't know how i survived one of the painful times in my life. I have private cover, he could have sent me for respite but he refused to do so....

I heard something back then, but i so traumatized that i didn't look into it. If it was true or not. I have reason to believe that my former GP called him to express that he was worried about my state of mind. IDK if this true or not but someone told me that his response was something like "dont worry about her, all she wants is attention".

I have confronted him about this and of course he denies that he said anything of the sort. I think he did say those words or words to that effect.

All of this stuff is not the borderline in me who is talking. It's something I have carried with me for the past four years. And to anyone who says "why didn't you stop seeing him sooner"? I reply that I have busy trying to build a life for myself. My ex left me with nothing apart from some money that had set aside. I have had spinal surgery and many other issues regarding my physical health.

So many things that have taken precedence over him.

He keeps insisting that i can afford to purchase my own place but cant. My best option is to rent. If i purchase a place i would be using all the money i have. I would end up having to sell. Renting is my best option because my money will grow and see me through retirement.

He lives in lala land, I spent my last appointment with him with evidence that i cant afford to buy my own place. For once I think i won that debate. In one way Im glad that i proved to him that im right and he's wrong.

The flip side is that I now i feel really angry because he never ever took me seriously to begin with....

He makes light of everything

He makes me feel passive aggressive

At least i have gotten the off my chest, I hadn't realized how toxic he is to my health. Now that i have made this discovery I dont want to see him again but i have choice unless i can find someone who can see me....

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Default Jan 21, 2019 at 10:58 PM
  #95
Ps

Feels like he's gas lighting me

The only reason i see him for is in order to get my meds.

He has no problems in dishing out drugs

Its good for him because he doesnt have to work, he lets the meds do all his work for him

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Default Jan 28, 2019 at 08:35 PM
  #96
Quote:
Originally Posted by LizzieVale View Post
How on earth can i tell my husband what happened? I have to learn to live with the secret for the rest of my life. Its trying to deal with the trust that i had for my therapist for 20 years. All those years i believed that he had my best interests at heart but he used and violated me. He knew the consequences that his actions would leave on me but he didnt care. He thought first and foremost about himself and groomed me to believe and to trust him. I feel so torn between my feelings of trust and my feelings of hatred and disgust at him. How can i ever trust anyone ever again....
Part of the damage your exploitative T has done - he has created a toxic secret that you have to protect. I have told only a few people that the woman I lived with for two years was first my therapist. Double whammy of the lesbian stigma in a small town. You have the doubling of the pain because of the secret kept from your husband . I don’t have an answer - I wish I did.
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Default Jan 28, 2019 at 11:24 PM
  #97
Quote:
Originally Posted by LizzieVale View Post
I dont know if this is the correct section to post re wanting to change Shrinks.

This is the first time in two or so years that i have posted anything. My problem among everything else is that I have been seeing a therapist for 4 or so years now.

I think he is actually doing me more harm than good. He dosent take me seriously, he dismisses or cuts me off mid sentence not allowing me to express my concerns. I dont know, maybe im expecting too much of him? All i know is that i have this gut instinct that he isn't caring or empathetic . Not once, or at least since I can remember have I ever left his rooms and gained any insight or learned how to deal with my problems.

Whenever I say something and he doesnt know what to say he changes the subject and asks me something totally unrelated to what to say. I could be in the middle of explain something which i feel is important, what he does is discuss the weather, or just say something downright stupid.

Honestly i feel like im banging my head a against a brick wall and if anything I think he actually makes me feel worse. Its as though he has pigeon holed me in the too hard basket. In just wondering is anyone else has felt this way and if so how do you move and find another therapist.

Hows this for an arrogant self centered prick. One time i happened to come across a medical site where people can write a review regarding any doctor. I remember this one time we were looking something up on his computer and i said try this site. He was surprised and wasn't aware of this site.

That was back in approx August last year. He had no reviews back then, Now all of a sudden he has something like 12 reviews posted. Most of them glowing and then of course there are a few reviews which are not so positive.ones to make it seem genuine. The site is called RateMDs

Let me post a few reviews and please let me know if these reviews sound legit.

Dr Xis the best psychiatrist I have met so far. He very competent and a great listener he works with me to solve problems resulting from my bipolar disorder. He has also helped me cope with a certain govt dept. He is a really nice person and always very positive and caring

Another one....
The reason I think Dr X is an excellent psychiatrist is because he is humanistic in his approach, he does not label you in the first session, he is thorough and very comprehensive in his assessment/s. He does not load you with medication and takes a very conservative approach when prescribing drugs. I found him open to debatable discourse and at times we agreed to disagree and i appreciated his broad knowledge base.

Humanistic?
How common is that word?
That's shrink lingo not patient lingo.
Please correct me if im wrong .

This is the meaning of the word Humanistic
The humanistic approach in psychology developed as a rebellion against what some psychologists saw as the limitations of the behaviorist and psycho dynamic psychology. The humanistic approach is thus often called the “third force” in psychology after psychoanalysis and behaviorism (Maslow, 1968).

Another one....
Dr X restored my faith in psychiatrists. After some very negative experiences with some very under developed banal psychiatrist, it was a life changing experience to finally be treated with respect and understanding by a highly knowledgeable, insightful psychiatrist. He was always available and supportive. I would have no hesitation in recommending him for anyone who is genuinely suffering any form of mental or emotional distress.

And another
Dr X is one of the few psychiatrist i believe is genuine and not giving a government dept only what they want to hear. He puts all those guns for hire to shame. He is a person of high integrity and gives a balanced view and report.

Anyway i think you get the general idea.,
Am i correct in assuming that he wrote them himself?
O.M.G.
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Default Jan 29, 2019 at 03:08 AM
  #98
Humanistic?
How common is that word?
That's shrink lingo not patient lingo.
Please correct me if i'm wrong .

This is the meaning of the word Humanistic
The humanistic approach in psychology developed as a rebellion against what some psychologists saw as the limitations of the behaviorist and psycho dynamic psychology. The humanistic approach is thus often called the “third force” in psychology after psychoanalysis and behaviorism (Maslow, 1968).

This one has to be my favourite one though WTF does he really think people are going to believe that one. He's as stupid as he is a hopeless shrink

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