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BudFox
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Default Aug 13, 2016 at 05:18 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by objectclient View Post
I'm still grieving months after leaving T too and it makes me doubt therapy as a treatment for attachment issues because you may form an attachment to a T (or if it's group therapy, the other members) only for it to be taken away prematurely and completely. You can never see or speak with them again which only compares to a death or a nasty break up.
I have definite difficulties with relationships, some would call it an attachment problem. So to experience, in therapy, a rather extreme form of attachment and then abandonment is a worst-nightmare-realized scenario. Just as you say it was taken away prematurely and completely. No more contact would be allowed, period.

I think it's unconscionable that people who are already in distress or have a history of trauma or relational miseries, are put in these no-win situations by these idiot therapists. You either get subjected to continued torment and wounding in therapy, or you face the anguish of suddenly being alone with all that has been stirred up. And… as a parting gift I got the blame too. Yay!
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ScottJ33
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Default Oct 20, 2016 at 05:09 AM
  #22
Hello everyone, sorry for late reply, I didn't receive any notification in email of replies. Sorry I cant stay long enough to reply to each of your replies, but thank you to everyone who has had something to say here.

Its been about 10 months now, and am deeply depressed as I cant seem to move on with anything, its like I'm a stuck record, and every day is like in the film Ground Hog day. I'm trying to carry on as normal, but everything I try to pursue is like I'm walking in thick fog up a hill. I feel even the new therapists I saw didn't get it either, but that may be because they are trained to show no emotion, empathy, in fact this therapist was at times a little hard on me, tough love I guess.

I was able to walk away from these sessions with no attachment, but the sessions I had where very spaced apart, and I know that the so called attachment I had with last therapist was not all based on just Transference, I actually liked her the moment I met her, there was something there at the beginning.

In either case I still think of her, but with slightly less pain, while I still seek her face when I'm out around town, going through all kinds of scenarios of what I would say to her if I saw her again. Its hard to blame, dislike someone whom you have affection for, I still don't feel anger towards her as I think she just wasn't prepared, or had enough experience to deal with what happened with me.

She may well have done things wrong like not stopping sessions earlier, but I think she meant no bad intentions for me. Little does she know however that the way she ended it was very hurtful. It was almost as if she thought "I really don't like this guy, cant wait to see the back of him" That's a lot of assumptions I know on my behalf, but I still picture her face as she stood there at the door with a slightly annoyed face, like she had cut me off in that second, and we both knew it.

I hope some day she reads this, she will know it was her without doubt, and understand that while we may have clashed in the outside world, you know "It would have been Toxic", or our values may have not matched, in "normal" relationships we get to find these things out so we can move on with certainty, I couldn't, because in our simulated relationship in that room, what ever one wishes to call it, I felt a deep love like id never felt, and it was never returned, this is not therapy, this is emotional torcher. When she said with worlds to the effect of "With it ending at least you don't have to feel this with seeing me" wrong!, I felt it like 1000 times worse, and continued to miss her despite me never knowing her what so ever. Closure can never come from something so confusing, real feelings towards someone whom I don't know, wont ever know, despite me driving past that same building most days knowing she is there. I'm certain that I would have never cheated on my partner, I just needed to deal with these feelings with my therapist so I could move on, there is no after care, no follow up, but a sudden cut off which is wrong.

For the past 10 months iv tried to think of words that describe my anguish, but there are non, instead this is why I think I'm self harming, as that pain comes a little closer in hope it makes the emotional pain seem less in comparison.

Thanks, again for all your comments, maybe one day she will contact me, and ask how I am.
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BudFox
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Default Oct 20, 2016 at 11:38 AM
  #23
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Originally Posted by ScottJ33 View Post
Closure can never come from something so confusing, real feelings towards someone whom I don't know, wont ever know, despite me driving past that same building most days knowing she is there. I'm certain that I would have never cheated on my partner, I just needed to deal with these feelings with my therapist so I could move on, there is no after care, no follow up, but a sudden cut off which is wrong..
Sorry you are going through this. Have you considered emailing her a summary of how you've been affected, or writing it up on Yelp?

I definitely relate to the thing above about closure. How do you reconcile in your head something like this when the other person is so elusive and evasive and was playing a role? After 2 years I still don't know who she was or even what what to call it. So warped.

No follow up for me either. Never once reached out to me, even though she knew she left me in horrible distress. Oh I care about you, then boom, caring switched off.
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Default Oct 20, 2016 at 12:09 PM
  #24
I never had her email, or direct number, but do know she has a social media account which I won't invade, but it's hard not to have a look when it's a click away. The therapist iv just finnish with won't give anything away when I asked questions about her as it was deemed not helpful. It's difficult to get passed, and at times I'm thinking to myself how stupid and desperate iv become over someone I don't know, it's very conflicting to process this, non the less heart breaking.

Iv just got to live with it, what ever it is, it's hit me hard, and deep to my core like nothing else has ever in my life.
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Default Mar 31, 2017 at 06:28 PM
  #25
Just a quick update. Its been another 5 months since I last posted, 1 year 2 months since I finished with my Therapist. I think that I am in a permanent cycle of pain that will never leave me till the day I die. I still think of her every day, and it feels like its a nightmare that will not end soon enough. This was suppose to help me make better relationships with people, but in fact its shattered me so much that I dare to get close to anyone ever again.

SJ
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Default Apr 02, 2017 at 12:27 PM
  #26
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Just a quick update. Its been another 5 months since I last posted, 1 year 2 months since I finished with my Therapist. I think that I am in a permanent cycle of pain that will never leave me till the day I die. I still think of her every day, and it feels like its a nightmare that will not end soon enough. This was suppose to help me make better relationships with people, but in fact its shattered me so much that I dare to get close to anyone ever again.
Ditto for me in most respects. It's truly nuts. Have you found any helpful resources?
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Default Apr 04, 2017 at 05:40 PM
  #27
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Ditto for me in most respects. It's truly nuts. Have you found any helpful resources?
To deal with this issue iv found non. I think one day it will come out how damaging Transference can be if unsolved. Its for sure very deep connection, very over powering, and not easy to get over from.

SJ
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Default Apr 04, 2017 at 10:24 PM
  #28
Thinking of you. I just read your entire thread. I'm glad you posted. I hope you'll keep posting if it's helpful. I also had a painful experience with a T who didn't know how to handle transference.

It's been two years now and I'm much better, but it took a long time. I have a new T and I'm proceeding extremely cautiously...if I start to get transference, I'll likely find another T. I can't go through it again. My current T thinks my prior T mishandled the transference...and my current T said she's never had transference come up with a client. It makes me nervous. I trust her, but I'm cautious and always self-evaluating that it's "just about therapy."

Sorry for rambling...I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I empathize with you. I hope you will keep us posted and I wish you well. xo
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Default Apr 05, 2017 at 10:35 AM
  #29
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To deal with this issue iv found non. I think one day it will come out how damaging Transference can be if unsolved. Its for sure very deep connection, very over powering, and not easy to get over from.

SJ
I've seen no indication that the industry is interested in looking at this. If anything they actively avoid the subject, and/or just resort to victim blaming.

Reading the comments here has been helpful for me:
https://disequilibrium1.wordpress.co...aks-her-piece/
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Default May 04, 2017 at 11:24 PM
  #30
Looks like not only has my transference been terribly painfully but I'm also being punished for it by my partner. I just found out she has been having an affair. What hurts is I know him and iv had to keep digging for dribs of infomation and it's killing me.

My mind has just had so much overload.

Sj
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Default Sep 13, 2017 at 07:41 PM
  #31
Another 5 months has passed, I still think of her every day and night. Iv not been the same since therapy, and feel no matter what doctor I see, or specialist they just dont get it.

Im writing a update now because I feel alone, yet I have a partner, and children. I try to get on with things during the day but I dont feel good about anything. My mind switches thoughts of my therapist, what she is doing now, death, time, and how I remind myself that she would never had been right for me and vice versa.

She got to see the worse side of me, that being my most negative, in how I view the world. I can only image what kind of things she was saying to herself, maybe even verbally once I was out of her presence. What has linked me to her so much goes deep, and am convinced it has little to do with wanting to have a relationship with her. Its almost an addiction to something that is bad for me so Im hurt then in turn I need saving from it.

When I had asked to see her on my last session her last words resound in my head often, the words "it would be toxic" then a complete shut down on the topic. Of course she was right in the mind set I was then. Who wants to be with someone that wants their own needs met? Was I being selfish to want to see her, in a way yes, but then in my mind I wasnt thinking what she could do for me, it was what I could do for her in truly being myself. I wish I could shout out her name, but I cant, but hope one day she comes across this thread, and know its about her.

One day I hope to report back that Im over it, but even If I dont I dont want anyone who reads this to be a indication of how long it may take for them to get over it, everyone is different.
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Default Sep 13, 2017 at 11:49 PM
  #32
Hugs. I'm so sorry your partner had an affair and that you still are traumatically bonded to your former therapist.
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Default Sep 18, 2017 at 04:55 PM
  #33
Sorry to hear your upset. Is there no way at all you can get back in contact with her? Even if it means sending a private and confidential letter to the place she is based addressed to her. I know you don't have a direct email to her, but could you contact a general email for where she works and ask them to pass it on?
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Default Dec 26, 2019 at 07:53 PM
  #34
Hello, I found this site and this thread a few months back and thought "ah at last i've come across some people who have had similar experiences to me"

In my case it was a matter of Transference and Counter-Transference not with a talking therapist but a physio therapist. I didn't know what it was until many months later when I was being assessed via my local NHS to try and get some psycho-therapy. For now I just wanted to say hello, I'll be back another time to tell my story, if that's okay. Its been helpful for me that I've read some of your stories, I hope mine is of help as well. Take care.
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