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Old 08-04-2018, 07:18 PM #11
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

I don't feel like I need therapy any longer in a general sense. I've done enough therapy. Therapy was the seed; now that it has been planted firmly, the seedling having took root a few years ago, the leaves have grown into a lush tree. Nothing has wilted, though I have much room to grow as anybody.

The one thing hanging over me, however, is that rupture... I realize I am contradicting myself in stating it was due to his issues, but at the same time, needing to figure out why. That's definitely the nature of my unresolved 'inner conflict'.

Sorry that you are dealing with horrible feelings and the thought of therapy makes you ill. Have you thought about going back to your last one? Thanks for the suggestion about trying another therapist. The thought of starting over with another therapist makes me sort of ill, so I doubt if I would ever go there. Still weighing the decision about if/how to resolve the past rupture with this one.
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Old 08-04-2018, 10:11 PM #12
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by guileless View Post
I don't feel like I need therapy any longer in a general sense. I've done enough therapy. Therapy was the seed; now that it has been planted firmly, the seedling having took root a few years ago, the leaves have grown into a lush tree. Nothing has wilted, though I have much room to grow as anybody.

The one thing hanging over me, however, is that rupture... I realize I am contradicting myself in stating it was due to his issues, but at the same time, needing to figure out why. That's definitely the nature of my unresolved 'inner conflict'.

Sorry that you are dealing with horrible feelings and the thought of therapy makes you ill. Have you thought about going back to your last one? Thanks for the suggestion about trying another therapist. The thought of starting over with another therapist makes me sort of ill, so I doubt if I would ever go there. Still weighing the decision about if/how to resolve the past rupture with this one.
I did go back to the last one, and I guess the resolution was, there is no resolution. I wanted to complain or write bad reviews online -- I wanted to "hurt" her, as she had hurt me. I worked on accepting that response in me and eventually wrote her an email asking for a partial refund for the last year. I had been paying her out of pocket.

She offered a small amount, as a "good will gesture". I didn't want that. I suggested we meet for free for several sessions. She agreed. After about 3 it became clear that she thought the fact that she didn't have the emotional resources to have what it took to finish the therapy with me that she had started, and thought in the beginning that she could, did not count as her not doing her job. She did find a referral for me, which I was not interested in. I also emailed her several times, and she responded, mostly about my continuing pain and outrage. We are not in a permanent emotional cut-off necessarily. So, for me, seeking to "resolve" things did eventually lead to some resolution and acceptance inside myself that there was likely no resolution in the outside situation.

Looking back now, there were a bunch of feelings that came out of that experience that I was not used to, not "in touch" with. First, wanting to hurt her so badly -- that eventually made it's way into the civil, if unpleasant, email requesting a refund. Second -- disappointment, not just rage, at her failure/inabilty to do her job. At her leading me on, so to speak. These are not pleasant feelings, but useful for me to have, and they serve a purpose.

Main horrible feeling I have now is that I believed in, and put effort into therapy for so long, my outside, "real" life fell apart, and I'm now 70 and trying to put something together now is very difficult.

But, it seems, maybe not impossible either. One foot in front of the other. It is what it is.

Don't know if my story has any relevance to your situation. Maybe your rollercoaster is like what I called my hyperaroused feelings?

I'd be interested in reading how things turn out for you if you do try to talk to your ex-T again.
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Old 08-04-2018, 11:48 PM #13
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

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Originally Posted by guileless View Post
I think telling my therapist about all the sexual and love feelings made him resent or hate me or become disgusted by me.

I didn't hold anything back, but I knew the whole time it was transference. i thought that is what i was supposed to do.

reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/comments/
5s9s2x/therapists_reaction_to_erotic_transference
why do you think this? what has he done to make you think he resents or hates you?
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Old 08-17-2018, 09:24 PM #14
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

I've seen him several times since this post.

He said talking about the past wasn't helpful to me, and that I was reliving it. I was so shocked-i did that for over 5 years. It made sense; even this week, I had flashbacks within a few minutes of talking about PTSD. It takes me over...

I felt so much better after talking with him, revisiting the therapy. He was very kind and seemed to want to help. I'm glad i reconnected with him.
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Old 08-19-2018, 08:35 AM #15
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

This post isn't about romantic feelings. I just put it up here because I mentioned sexual feelings.

I saw this clarification on another's thread and wanted to do the same.

It's not a big deal, but I don't relate therapy feelings with romantic feelings in any way. I don't even know what romantic feelings would apply to a therapist-wanting to date your therapist in real life?
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Old 08-19-2018, 03:47 PM #16
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

I’m never telling another therapist about ‘loving feelings’ if that ever happens again.
In my experience, most therapists just don’t get it.
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Old 08-26-2018, 04:55 PM #17
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

It seems that this is such a common issue and yet most therapists don't appear to have a clue. I also think that the waters are often muddied by their own feelings towards the client and this becomes a particular problem when they aren't 'dealing' their feelings. I'm sorry you had such a tough time.
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Old 08-27-2018, 10:01 PM #18
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaVicar? View Post
It seems that this is such a common issue and yet most therapists don't appear to have a clue. I also think that the waters are often muddied by their own feelings towards the client and this becomes a particular problem when they aren't 'dealing' their feelings. I'm sorry you had such a tough time.
Thank you for your kindness TeaVicar?.

He told me he had to be careful with me to make sure I didn't go down the wrong path. But I believe he misunderstood where the sexual feelings came from and what they meant. I told him it felt like he was rejecting a part of me.

I was really surprised he told me this. He seems to be taking a much different approach with me and it has been helpful.

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Old 08-29-2018, 07:09 AM #19
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

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Originally Posted by guileless View Post
He told me he had to be careful with me to make sure I didn't go down the wrong path.
What do you think he meant by this? Do you mean he wouldn't allow you to talk about your sexual feelings?

What's the 'wrong' path?!
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Old 08-30-2018, 10:39 AM #20
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

No, I have talked about those feelings off/on over the years. I think in these instances, he may have been trying to divert me away from the topic.

The wrong path-I'm not sure, but my guess is he meant it was some kind of fixation to move past rather than work through. I also don't remember if he said I or we in terms of going down the wrong path.

He seemed really paternal this time and telling me he was trying to be careful with me. All this time it felt like rejection as I didn't know he was thinking this. That he told me this makes him seem fatherly and protective, which I like. And which is total opposite of how he was before. I feel much better about the whole therapy.
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