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Member Since Apr 2015
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#1
Letter is here:
A letter to… my therapist, whom I fell in love with | Life and style | The Guardian Does this ring true? My initial thoughts were that she was lucky to get out when she did, at the very beginning of the relationship... but perhaps I'm wrong, maybe she could have worked on something with him? __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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Grand Magnate
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#2
I personally don't like this because it implies the feelings ARE fake, and I've spent so much time trying wrestle with it myself and constantly being told feelings are feelings and they are very real.... so that was my issue with the article.
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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TeaVicar?
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#3
12 weeks.
????? I say as I approach the 7 year mark... |
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DP_2017
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captgut, SummerTime12, TeaVicar?, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#4
The LW needs to research a little more and find unconditional positive regard, and Donald Winnicott. This t gave a hungry man a fish, but he did not teach his client how to fish.
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TeaVicar?
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#5
From the letter, it does not sound to me like the client has learned nothing from the experience and left in high distress and desperation. Also, I think that the unfolding of falling in love can be very similar in everyday ordinary life, this is not specific to therapy at all. Therapy just gives it a clinical term, sets rules around it, and analyzes it.
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koru_kiwi, unaluna
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#6
Quote:
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koru_kiwi, unaluna
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Magnate
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#7
This, actually, sounds like a "happy" ending to me meaning that this is as happy as a therapy where intense transference was involved can get.
Her pain seems natural. It doesn't sound like trauma caused by the clumsy handling of transference by a therapist, which is what I hear most from people. This experience sounds like a natural loss of someone you loved intensely and who was important to you..for 12 weeks. I suspect, this was a success precisely because the therapy didn't last more than 12 weeks. It was focused and goal-oriented and when the objectives were met, it was ended. Seems perfect to me. If she tried to "work through" her transference and stayed longer, she'd end up traumatized and messed up like so many people here on PC who see their therapists for years. |
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koru_kiwi
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#8
What the **** ever. I'm out.
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Member
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#9
I think that's what she decided from researching it. Her therapist told her, her feelings were real... but yes, it sort of centres on that.
__________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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Member
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#10
__________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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Member
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#11
Quote:
The therapy might not have been 'goal' orientated, might have been some short term psychodynamic on the NHS. But yes... perhaps she was better out than in... until she falls in love with the next one __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2015
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#12
Quote:
Ahh Winnicott __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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#13
I really think it is hard to accurately assess and interpret this client's experience from the short letter. No background, no context, all too short and superficial. It's interesting to observe what we all project into it though
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stopdog, TeaVicar?, unaluna
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#14
I never inferred transference wasn't real but have heard others also say this.
Sometimes I think feelings are more 'real' in therapy than anywhere since our defenses are down (for some of us). Defenses cover up 'real' feelings. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#15
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Eta - is it "real"? Its one sided, its limited, its immature, its needy, its not reciprocal. So it depends on what you mean by real. |
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Member
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#16
Quote:
__________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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koru_kiwi, missbella, unaluna
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Magnate
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#17
Quote:
I have such characters in my mind. I have seen them also very briefly, I had no time or opportunity to get to know them as real people nor did I want to. I often recalled their support and guidance when I felt vulnerable. What they did for me was crucial. They gave me the initial sense of my own value I didn't know before. That was something I could build upon in the future, which I sure did. If no one ever pointed out to me that I deserve love and respect just by virtue of my existence as a human being, I'd be still having very little sense of self-worth. So, those people appeared in my life very briefly, at the times when I needed them to appear. They served a certain function for me and, as soon as they served it, they disappeared. I never had the need to see them again, but I sure love keeping them in my mind as my idealized heroes. That doesn't mean I don't understand that they might be totally ****ed up in reality. I just don't care about it since I never had the need to continue relationships with them. Quote:
But short-term psychodynamic therapy is also goal oriented. "Psychodynamic" and "goal-oriented" are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I can't see how any short-term therapy, whatever modality is, can be other then goal-oriented. When both therapist and client know in advance that they have limited time, that immediately makes therapy focused on specific goals no matter what methods are used. I've been in psychodymanic short-term therapy so I speak from experience. And, again, this won't be a problem, if she ends therapy when some specific objectives are met and doesn't stay in therapy to "work though" transference. When you don't see the object of your love and you accept this, love dissipates overtime leaving a trace in the form of the idealized positive image of someone who helped you in some fundamental, essential way, which I find healing. |
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Most Dangerous
Member Since Feb 2017
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#18
The article is from the Guardian, which is a UK publication. Not everything is American y'know.
It's common for organisations (charities) to offer twelve weeks of counselling here. It's often person-centred, not goal oriented at all, aside from any goals that the client chooses to set themselves. It's weird, I read it and thought 'woah, she felt that way in twelve weeks?' too, and then I realised that my extremely intense ET for my previous therapist came along at the ten session mark, so I've been there myself. Also I was creeped out by the kiss on the head. That's not normal. It makes me wonder what else was going on in that relationship. |
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TeaVicar?
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Magnate
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#19
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That's a good point. I can't think of any circumstance that would compel me to kiss a client in any way, no matter how innocently it may seem. The kiss is not necessarily an indication that something was going on in the relationship, but it's an indication that the therapist got more involved emotionally than he should've. |
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#20
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These are feelings from my past experienced in the present. I think that's what's referred to as the "as if" transference? |
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unaluna
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