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Old 09-03-2018, 05:31 PM   #1
sctak
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Trig Erotic transference or just a quirk?

I put the trigger thing on here just in case. It is just a trigger in thought - as in I'm thinking about things, but my T has solid boundaries. Nothing will ever happen.

I have a moderate maternal transference with my current T. Sometimes I react to her in a negative way due to the transference, however I don't generally want maternal things from her or relate to her that way. It is a positive improvement from the erotic transference I had for my last T.

So with current I I definitely am not attracted to her. However, recently I noticed that right before/during orgasm I think about her. I'm not picturing her nude, I don't want to sleep with her, I'm just thinking about her, wanting her to see/know what I'm doing.

I feel sick about it. Is this just a weird quirk thing or the start of erotic transference or worse? If need be I'll terminate therapy with her because I don't want it to go anywhere past this.

I doubt I'll ever be able to talk to her about this. I trust her, but I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable over it.
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Old 09-06-2018, 05:20 PM   #2
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

I think what you have described sounds very normal. I also think that maternal/paternal/erotic/negative transference/s are all connected, I don't think it's necessarily helpful to split them up. Think of how babies experience being nurtured, fed & touched. Babies experience arousal, excitement, joy & contentment when their needs are being met. So it's not surprising that you are experiencing some of that too.

What happened with your former T, that you are afraid will happen with this one?

These days I'm on the fence as to whether it's best to stick it out or leave, with regards to erotic transference... but if it starts to become a theme, maybe it's something you need to work on with the right therapist and maybe your current one is the right one?

"I'm just thinking about her, wanting her to see/know what I'm doing." - Do you think that you might just want her to see you for who you are?
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:58 AM   #3
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

I doubt she would feel uncomfortable;if she is well-trained, she is familiar with feelings and dynamics of feelings clients have for their t's
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Old 09-08-2018, 01:22 PM   #4
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

does she work with transference?



or is she a behaviorist? if she doesnt work with transference she'll be creeped out probably.



if she does it shouldnt phase her and shell help you figure out what it means
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

Many things are rationalized in therapy as "normal" but I think the way therapists intrude on people's consciousness is creepy. It's not the fault of the client, it's the nature of therapy. I cant imagine what good could come from this scenario. Therapists would preach about it being an opportunity to understand some maternal "transference" issue but seems more likely it's an artefact of therapy weirdness, and regardless I'd consider "working thru" such a thing to be a colossal waste of time, and might open a messy can of worms.
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Old 09-08-2018, 11:58 PM   #6
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

Technically, yes, it's erotic transference and while it's normal in the context of therapy (meaning that it's understandable why such things happen in the context of therapy), this is not something I would recommend people to work with. I am yet to see any case when this thing was resolved successfully meaning that the client benefited from it.

I don't think your T will freak out if you tell her, but I also don't think it'd benefit you to tell her. So, I understand why you wouldn't want this to go beyond the point it is now. I wouldn't either.
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Old 09-12-2018, 04:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway View Post
Technically, yes, it's erotic transference and while it's normal in the context of therapy (meaning that it's understandable why such things happen in the context of therapy), this is not something I would recommend people to work with. I am yet to see any case when this thing was resolved successfully meaning that the client benefited from it.

I don't think your T will freak out if you tell her, but I also don't think it'd benefit you to tell her. So, I understand why you wouldn't want this to go beyond the point it is now. I wouldn't either.
So as a therapist yourself, what do you think the op should do? Leave a therapist each time any sexual/romantic feelings come up? I'm not sure how keeping difficult feelings from your therapist is a step forward. Of course, we can choose what we say and when we say it but if something is eating us up, isn't it best to be honest? Would you want your clients to keep troubling thoughts to themselves?

Have you seen a lot of cases end to end, which involved a client's romantic/sexual feelings towards their therapist?
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Old 09-12-2018, 08:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

I agree if they are well trained they won't care. My therapist knows my issues and flat out asked if I was attracted to her. She said it is quite common. I told her no because I am really not but I could imagine it would be weird sitting across from the person you just said you have erotic feelings towards and it not being mutual. I did tell my last therapist who I was attracted to and she seemed really grossed out by it and annoyed.
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Old 10-20-2018, 08:06 AM   #9
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Default Re: Erotic transference or just a quirk?

If you'd terminate therapy over it, at least try telling her before you decide to do so. She might take it well and it could be a good session. You could tell her what happened with the last T, why it makes you uncomfortable, why it makes you want to leave. There's great material there. If she doesn't respond well, then.. no loss as you were going to terminate anyway.
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