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Member Since Sep 2014
Location: UK
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#1
How do you deal with intrusive thoughts of T?
This is new to me. Okay I think about him from time to time in a variety of ways, but the last week or so I just can't shake it, its driving me bammy! I can't think of anything in life that's new or different that could cause it, but I need it to stop. I need to sleep! Any pointers? |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#2
Honestly there isn't really much other than trying to distract yourself with other things. It doesn't always work. I'm doing better these days with this, because I am feeling better about things with my T... but every single day I still think of him often. I still miss him. I'm not sure it can ever really "go away"
As awkward as it may be, you may have to talk to him about it as well __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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Jessica Hazlitt
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#3
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it.
Once you start having intrusive thoughts about the therapist, it means your therapy has entered the sad (IMO) transference stage. One thing that has a slim chance of making this situation better is if you talk to your therapist about it and if they take it seriously and explore these thoughts with you extensively and also if they show appreciation of your courage to talk about it. So, under those conditions, MAY BE (and it's a big "may be") the thoughts won't be as intrusive as they are now. But the chances are they still will be intrusive. I don't claim that I "know" exactly how this works. All I know is what I know from my own experience and from what other people have been saying about their experiences. IMHO, when therapy ends the transference stage, in most cases, it goes downhill from that point on, sorry for the gloomy forecast. Some people may have different experiences with this, so they might strongly disagree. I am just giving my perspective. |
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#4
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
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#5
Is it possible that this is coming up *because* you're worried about the ending? Maybe it would help to address those fears with him? THat you won't get through everything before May?
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Grand Magnate
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#6
LT
You have a good point, while I think it's common in general for attachment to have this issue, I think in this case, you might be right. I can't deal with the thought of my therapy ending and I don't have a date. If I fixate on it, I start to pull away and get more defensive... so everyone might react different OP, maybe bring this up. Although I think this may be an issue you have long after therapy, it seems to be hard to "Get rid of" so to speak __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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LonesomeTonight
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#7
What helped me was to recognize that the intrusive thoughts were a sign the process had become destructive. This took the burden off me, and put it where it belonged.... on the dysfunctional therapy relationship.
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Member
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#8
I was going to say "no because we had an 'ending' before", then that was going to be because I wasn't......'around' anymore. So it maybe didn't bother me the same because I going to have to deal with the consequences? I dunno. It wasn't so bad yesterday. Met with friends for a day out. I also wondered if feeling a little isolated could be the reason?
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LonesomeTonight
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#9
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chihirochild, LonesomeTonight
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#10
I don't think it's dysfunctional, but I need to have a word with him. You reminded me that he said something last week that kinda p'd me off (but I forgot as was a busy session). I had got stuck, dissociated and couldn't answer three question he was asking. Getting stuck happens every so often so it wasn't new. He said something like 'if we can't talk then we should stop using touch' (even though he knows the touch helps me stay rooted and not shut down etc). He then went on to say that I was eliciting threats in the other. To me it felt like when I'd been beaten up at school and asked what I'd done to deserve it. We'd previously been working on ways around the dissociation,maybe he's given up.
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Always in This Twilight
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#11
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Did he explain why you wouldn't get that offer? |
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#12
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chihirochild, LonesomeTonight
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#13
I agree that not explaining a statement like that is cruel, and highly unprofessional. I would not let him just get away with it and would insist to get an explanation.
As for the intrusive thoughts, it depends what kinds. Since you put this in the romantic subforum, I assume the thoughts have that nature? I never had many romantic/sexual thoughts about my Ts but when I did occasionally, I would not fight them and actually just indulge in the fantasies and thought about their meaning. Mine were very clear, explicit transference fantasies and did not show anything I had not known already. They did not hurt anyone and typically came and dissipated quickly. Negative/disturbing/painful thoughts would be a very different issue. |
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chihirochild, LonesomeTonight
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#14
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Member
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#15
Ugh. Didn't get around to bringing it up, but only because we kinda got onto something that seemed at least equally important. On reflection it ties in to what we've started on (another ball in the air) so will be included in notes for next week. Also I pulled him up on having changed from saying the end was more than likely to sounding more certain, he sort of said that's because it is certain and he'd get confirmation. Didn't sound like he was going to fight for me though, maybe he's finally bored. I kinda half expected it though, a point I illustrated for next week. (Tried to upload pic but can't on mobile for some reason.)
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LonesomeTonight
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