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Old 10-15-2018, 10:59 AM #1
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Default Heart broken by my upcoming last session

Later this Wednesday, I have my last session with my therapist. I feel a lot of pain because of it. I feel a lot of sadness and sorrow about our time ending. I have not been sleeping that well as I think about her extensively. I think about her daily and in every hour. I have told her how hurt I feel because our time is about to end and how much I am going to miss her. I just did not tell her how much I love her. I talked to my therapist about transference before but I did not elaborate more on my romantic feelings. I did not tell her how I much love her. Every time we talked about why I feel saddened about our time ending, I just think to myself "you don't know how much I love you."

My therapist means the world to me. She has a special place in my heart. My therapist has inspired me so much when it comes to improving my well being. She has been highly influential in my life. That makes me love her. I also find her to be exceeding beautiful in the outside and even more in the inside. Combine that with the fact that she dresses so elegantly, in my eyes, my therapist is a glamorous woman. My experience working with her has been very meaningful. It is the best relationship that I have ever cultivated. She is the person that I love the most in my life. I am grateful that she has referred to see another therapist so I can process this sad occasion and my romantic feelings towards her. These loving secrets that I carry are very heavy and I am glad I will have someone to tell these thoughts. The thought of saying goodbye is excruatingly painful because I love her.

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Old 10-15-2018, 10:08 PM #2
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Default Re: Heart broken by my upcoming last session

Did you decide you want to end or do you have to for some reason?
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Old 10-16-2018, 05:55 PM #3
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Default Re: Heart broken by my upcoming last session

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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Did you decide you want to end or do you have to for some reason?
Our time is ending because my therapist is going to be working at a bigger office in the private practice that she is already in and that means that it will be too far away for me to drive to.
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Old 10-16-2018, 06:04 PM #4
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Default Re: Heart broken by my upcoming last session

Sorry to hear that

Did you ever ask her about contact after? Some allow you to email from time to time, not that it's the same but it might help some
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Old 10-17-2018, 11:32 AM #5
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Default Re: Heart broken by my upcoming last session

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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Sorry to hear that

Did you ever ask her about contact after? Some allow you to email from time to time, not that it's the same but it might help some
She said that wants to know what’s up with me after out time and said it is ok for me to email her monthly. It’s great because she doesn’t want to forget about me.
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Old 10-29-2018, 12:08 AM #6
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Default Re: Heart broken by my upcoming last session

Scarcejoy your feelings are very normal and natural, and should be explored as part of the termination process.

I had intense feelings for my last therapist too. I was very honest with him about them. At the beginning of therapy, my dad passed very suddenly, and I told him he had to be a dad to me. As time went on, my feelings moved from attachment/parenting to romantic. We ended up doing what no therapist is supposed to do with their client. It was very damaging in many ways (which is why it is never supposed to happen).

I have a new therapist now. He is also a Catholic priest and I think that is what keeps me from having romantic feelings toward him. But I am obsessed with him. I text and email him constantly. Like half a dozen or more times a day. He teaches two of my classes at university and I sit front and centre so he sees me. I think about him all day every day. I just want him to protect me and make everything right in my life. I am terrified of losing him.

I hope you will explore these feelings regarding your former therapist with your new therapist. There is a lot of therapeutic value to that. And while it's beyond difficult (I just sent my T a very long email explaining everything above and I am literally sweating buckets), it can be very freeing as well.
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