[mogwai]

I have a mix of maternal and erotic transference for my therapist. I'm so embarrassed about the main fantasy, which is for her to cuddle me like a baby and breastfeed me. Sometimes sexual with her touching me at the same time (or me touching myself), but sometimes just innocently holding me in a loving way and falling asleep like that. Even in my other fantasies she's maternal or at least dominant. I don't actually imagine myself 'as a baby', just a submissive adult to a fake "mummy" figure.

I otherwise don't have a breastfeeding kink or adultbaby kink or anything like that. I had to get this off my chest. While I'm prepared to tell my T I have sexual feelings for her, there's noooo way I could imagine talking about specific fantasies or even mentioning her breasts.

Anyway, who wants to attempt psychoanalysing this one for me?

[TeaVicar?]

it's a shame that we all feel so much shame about simply wanting to be loved and cared for. From an outsiders perspective, your fantasy seems really normal and it sounds as though you have a good relationship with your therapist to be able to fantasise about her in such a positive way. I also think it's really good that you're going to bring it up with her, as her positive reaction will hopefully dispel some of the shame.

Maybe think about how you feel when you have these fantasies, rather than try to interpret or decode them

[piggy momma]

TeaVicar I really like your response.

I have fantasized about most of my therapists taking me in and being a parent to me, loving me, and caring for me.

I don't have that fantasy about my current T, but I do fantasize about just being WITH him all the time. I just don't want to be apart from him, ever.

I never had explicit fantasies like that about Ts (I only had male Ts and when I had sexual fantasies, they were regular adult stuff or things that fit more in my trend of mentor and twinship transference pattern) but heard them often. Even in everyday life, I asked people who are sexually aroused by women's breasts (often men) why the breast affects them that way at all. People often say it has to do with feelings of maternal type caring and comfort. I also don't think it is weird at all or unusual in any way. I am bisexual and when I fantasize about other women and their body, it does not feel consciously maternal, more that I find them visually appealing or the idea of the touch pleasant. But I did have a few women in my life whom I could easily associate, based on their personality qualities, with a more ideal mother image compared with the mother I had in reality. I usually find this aspect appealing and not disturbing. I think this could have happened to me in therapy as well had I worked with female Ts of the type that fit in that pattern.

[Parva]

Mogwai -
I'm with TeaVicar on this one. What is there to be ashamed or embarrassed of? I think it's going to turn out to be amazingly helpful. I hope you can find a way to share all of it with your T. There's SO MUCH power in what your wrote.

I'm sitting here thinking about how it would feel for me to express this to my T...Is there a way to fully share this in a different way? I have often drawn pictures to share with my T, and sometimes I email them so that I kind of avoid the initial shock. It really takes the edge off shame for me. A poem? You can invent some pretty direct metaphors. You do you the best way that you can.

I just wanted to say that nothing you wrote seems strange at all. It actually seems pretty amazing.
-P

[mogwai]

I think I feel embarrassed because it's associated with acting like a baby (which I consider a pretty weird taboo thing to do sexually) as well as the mothering being like a fake incestual fantasy, I don't know. It scares me to imagine her imagining me in her lap nursing on her, and cringing at the possibility that she's internally cringing at the mental image, like you can't avoid picturing it if someone tells you that. Is she going to cover up? be more aware if I accidentally glance at her chest?

The closest I could imagine hinting at it would be something like "cuddling, being mothered and nurtured in a sexual or sensual way."
I wouldn't want to give her a poem about it, but I'll try writing one for myself because that's a good idea for exploring my feelings Parva.

[TeaVicar?]

I can understand that. I used to think that I had to be completely open and honest for therapy to work, but now I think that there's something in deciding for ourselves what we disclose and what we hold back. I think it has a lot to do with defining our own personal boundaries and taking care of ourselves. I'm sure both of our therapists would be fine whatever we said but perhaps it's important for us to weigh up the pros and cons of what, when and how we disclose. I've been thinking about this a lot, mainly because there are certain things that feel too shameful for me to discuss in detail. It's an evolving relationship and I believe that details will be disclosed when we are ready and that's ok.

So what you suggested sounds fine... the breastfeeding is about being mothered and nurtured after all. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[nicoleflynn]

Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply...are.