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Old 11-02-2018, 05:44 AM #11
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

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Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
I have fantasized about having an affair with my T and about how it would end and if I would be devastated. The minute we cross boundaries is the minute I lose therapeutic support that I desperately need. I could not go back to coming into session and discussing my issues and or do EMDR. Where does that leave me? He would turn into just another man I seduced, F^*ked, and any therapy I have had with him would have been in vein. I would be back to the mess I was before I met him. It would also continue to show my me that men can not do anything nice for me with out me having to pay them back with sex. That is been the most difficult thing for me when I started therapy for the first time with a male T. When they were kind and supportive I immediately felt obligated to have sex with them because that is how I grew up. That is how you thanked men.
Well said.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:56 AM #12
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

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Originally Posted by Ididitmyway View Post
Well said.
Yeah. That should be a stickie for this section.
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Old 11-02-2018, 09:19 AM #13
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

I would never put the full responsibility of this on my T. I absolutely would own my part in it... I've always been like that with any situation involving another person. This is no different to me.

Although in my mind... I'm thinking AFTER therapy ends.... again it would never happen anyway but.... it's much different situation when someone is STILL a client, at least to me.

*I want to be clear, this is how I would personally deal with this situation if it occurred POST therapy, I've no idea how I'd handle it if it happened during but I know it never would. Everyone handles these things different and that's ok. *
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Old 11-04-2018, 04:33 AM #14
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
I would never put the full responsibility of this on my T. I absolutely would own my part in it... I've always been like that with any situation involving another person. This is no different to me.

Although in my mind... I'm thinking AFTER therapy ends.... again it would never happen anyway but.... it's much different situation when someone is STILL a client, at least to me.

*I want to be clear, this is how I would personally deal with this situation if it occurred POST therapy, I've no idea how I'd handle it if it happened during but I know it never would. Everyone handles these things different and that's ok. *
I'm with You on this. I think above all, we are not only therapist - patient, but simply a man-woman and we are interacting with each other also on this level, so if something happened between me and my T after finishing my therapy with him, I would take the responsibility for this either.
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Old 11-04-2018, 11:15 AM #15
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

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Originally Posted by Girl from Europe View Post
I'm with You on this. I think above all, we are not only therapist - patient, but simply a man-woman and we are interacting with each other also on this level, so if something happened between me and my T after finishing my therapy with him, I would take the responsibility for this either.
The APA and every state ethics board disagrees with this sentiment, as does the research. The standard of practice is 2 years after the termination of therapy, and even then, the T can still be in violation. This is reflected by the fact that most state statute of limitations do not start until the patient can reasonably be expected to understand the nature of the damage. Sexual violations and negligence are both relevant to the two year interval from the end of therapy, and in many cases, personal relationships initiated even past that 2 year time period can be subject to a board complaint. The point is that current legal and mental health thinking is that the therapeutic relationship is fundamentally a lifelong one. Aside from an ethical perspective, there is a pragmatic one. Suppose 3 years goes by after you 'finished', and all of a sudden you need support. Your T should still be able to fill that role, so no ethically grounded therapist is going to assume a post-therapeutic sexual relationship is ok. In terms of childhood trauma, the research is clear that it cannot be 'fixed'; you cope with it. So for *most* of us, there's never a time when we're completely free of the trauma. So in that sense, the nature of therapeutic relationship doesn't magically change because you stopped therapy.

Take responsibility or not - that's not my concern here. My concern is that the nature of the therapeutic relationship demands that patient protection and advocacy be placed ahead of the protection of the therapist.
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Old 11-04-2018, 11:30 AM #16
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

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The APA and every state ethics board disagrees with this sentiment, as does the research.
Ok, first of all, I'm from Europe, so state ethics board in not valid in here, there are different laws, but still we say 2 year period between therapy ending and relationship is the minimum. That being said, I understand that generally it is like You say and I agree it should be. There are different relations, different therapists, different states of minds though. Sometimes the consciousness of a client is bigger, sometimes it's really very small and related to some child trauma's.

That's why I generally agree with You. I only say that in my situation, if I did some move on him after the therapy ends, I would take the responsibility and I would not report my T. I won't do it because I am conscious it wouldn't be ethical for him and wouldn't be good for me.
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Old 11-04-2018, 11:45 AM #17
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

I used to take the blame. After all, I flirted with him.

I now understand it was 100% on him. He had the legal and ethical responsibility to make sure it didn’t happen. I was depressed and vulnerable. And desperately wanted to be loved.

This is on him. Not me and not you.
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Old 11-04-2018, 11:52 AM #18
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

As You can see from "pink flags" topic where I described my situation, my therapist is flirtatious with me. Generally I know, that he shouldn't but lately I feel a little guilty for this, like this is my fault. So thanks for these words.

Still, nothing serious happened between me and him so there is no need to report anything in my case.
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Old 11-04-2018, 12:37 PM #19
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

But you may want to look for a new therapist. Still highly inappropriate on his part.
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Old 11-04-2018, 12:41 PM #20
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

At the moment I am not (I wrote about it in another topic so let's not double it), but still thank You for Your advice that I know comes from a good will.
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