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Default Nov 09, 2018 at 01:49 PM
  #21
I had sex with my t too. Its ended badly like all my relationships. I dont think that it was because he was my t but because he was married. Being lover of married man very often ends badly.
I still cant understand what is transference if you meet someone who helps you when you are desperate. If t has no boundaries you cant feel it like therapy. No he didnt sleep with other clients, only with me and sure his wife who has never been his patient. They say if t sleeps with you, he sleeps with another clients too but no.. Maybe he will but I think two women is enough. Its nothing more then "he had crisis in marriage so he slept with another woman".
I dont know about other Ts but if you work too much and have only wife and job and crisis in marriage, you probably would sleep with your attractive workmate or if you dont have one, maybe your client. Its easiest way.
I dont say its ok, I say my point of view about Ts who sleep with their clients. Every situation is different but I cant call this (sex) transference. People want sex. So simple.

I am sorry for everybody who had this sad experience. Im losing my mind too because of him now
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Default Nov 09, 2018 at 02:50 PM
  #22
Hope people consider your experience. Started in an ongoing therapy group just as it was unveiled that a member had been hospitalized. Seems she had a sexual relationship with her T - known to all for a significant length of time. Bad breakup. She told someone. The T denied it, hospitalized her, giving her severe diagnoses. Every meeting was a list of further developing horrific events.....heavy meds, legal commitment etc. I left before the story ended but I don't think there was a chance it ended well for her.
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Default Nov 09, 2018 at 02:54 PM
  #23
To me, sex with a therapist would be like the incest and abuse I already grew up in.

Same power dynamic & everything with the therapist taking advantage of someone (their client) in a vulnerable state.

So NOT okay!!!

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Default Nov 09, 2018 at 05:51 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by Girl from Europe View Post
I'm with You on this. I think above all, we are not only therapist - patient, but simply a man-woman and we are interacting with each other also on this level, so if something happened between me and my T after finishing my therapy with him, I would take the responsibility for this either.
I agree. Responsibility is from both sides.

When Im mad I want to report my t but.. I know its way to do revenge for hurting me and leaving me but honestly if I did it, I would just damage his life and got nothing. I wanted to sleep with him. It wasnt abuse. It was just unhealthy relationship between man and woman.
If I reported him, it wouldnt be honest. I hope I will get over this without hate. Hate and revenge destroy the person who feels hate. I am not God to judge him.
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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 06:49 AM
  #25
ugh God. ****ing toxic

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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 10:11 AM
  #26
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Originally Posted by lunatic soul View Post
I agree. Responsibility is from both sides.

When Im mad I want to report my t but.. I know its way to do revenge for hurting me and leaving me but honestly if I did it, I would just damage his life and got nothing. I wanted to sleep with him. It wasnt abuse. It was just unhealthy relationship between man and woman.
If I reported him, it wouldnt be honest. I hope I will get over this without hate. Hate and revenge destroy the person who feels hate. I am not God to judge him.
It absolutely was abuse. No matter how much you wanted to, it the onus was 100% on him to make sure it didn’t happen.

It took me a long time to believe and accept that. I hope one day you will too.
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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 12:52 PM
  #27
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I agree. Responsibility is from both sides.

When Im mad I want to report my t but.. I know its way to do revenge for hurting me and leaving me but honestly if I did it, I would just damage his life and got nothing. I wanted to sleep with him. It wasnt abuse. It was just unhealthy relationship between man and woman.
If I reported him, it wouldnt be honest. I hope I will get over this without hate. Hate and revenge destroy the person who feels hate. I am not God to judge him.
You are hurting and in pain. He was trained to know that a sexual relationship with a client would possibly/likely hurt the client. He knew this. It was his responsibility to say no even if you wanted it. Not yours.

Report vs. don’t report. At least understand it was his responsibility to keep your best interest in mind. He didn’t, but he should have. And he knows it.

Not your fault. Not even if you begged, cajoled, or undressed in front of him. Not your fault..it’s his responsibility.
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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 01:50 PM
  #28
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It absolutely was abuse. No matter how much you wanted to, it the onus was 100% on him to make sure it didn’t happen.
I agree it is 100% on the therapist to make sure it does not happen no matter how much the client wants it or how much he wants it. The minute he felt a ANY countertransference on his part ,that he could not let go of, he should have referred you out.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 05:50 PM
  #29
I for one do not ever put responsibility on someone else if I had a willing part in it. I truly don't care what rules say or what job someone has. I'll never put responsibility on someone else in a case where I was willingly part.

This hasn't happened to me nor would it but I'm just merely saying in a hypothetical thing. I don't like people telling me who i should blame etc. I will decide that myself

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Default Nov 10, 2018 at 07:57 PM
  #30
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I for one do not ever put responsibility on someone else if I had a willing part in it. I truly don't care what rules say or what job someone has. I'll never put responsibility on someone else in a case where I was willingly part.

This hasn't happened to me nor would it but I'm just merely saying in a hypothetical thing. I don't like people telling me who i should blame etc. I will decide that myself
The law in most states.....says that sex with a client is a felony.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 05:00 AM
  #31
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I for one do not ever put responsibility on someone else if I had a willing part in it. I truly don't care what rules say or what job someone has. I'll never put responsibility on someone else in a case where I was willingly part.

This hasn't happened to me nor would it but I'm just merely saying in a hypothetical thing. I don't like people telling me who i should blame etc. I will decide that myself
you can think and believe what you want but I suggest you don't post stuff likw this. it's super triggering for those of us who have actually been thru this situation. actually it feels damaging

this is one of those things that you can never truly know what it's like unless it happens to you.

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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 07:43 AM
  #32
I too would jump at the chance to have a relationship with my T if they allowed it even though I KNOW full well it would be a terrible decision with an inevitable negative outcome. That is the nature of transference/love. The feelings can be so powerful that logic and reasoning don’t matter. The client is in such a vunerable position and the power dynamic is so uneven which is one of the reasons why it’s unethical. Therapists are in a position of huge responsibility. They know the risks and the onus is completely on them to make sure that nothing does happen regardless of their actual feelings.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 11:24 AM
  #33
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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
I for one do not ever put responsibility on someone else if I had a willing part in it. I truly don't care what rules say or what job someone has. I'll never put responsibility on someone else in a case where I was willingly part.

This hasn't happened to me nor would it but I'm just merely saying in a hypothetical thing. I don't like people telling me who i should blame etc. I will decide that myself
I've told my T that I want to have an affair with him and a part of me is in love with him. Therapy clients are very very vulnerable. It's on the therapist to take responsibility and draw the line.

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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 12:12 PM
  #34
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I for one do not ever put responsibility on someone else if I had a willing part in it. I truly don't care what rules say or what job someone has. I'll never put responsibility on someone else in a case where I was willingly part.

This hasn't happened to me nor would it but I'm just merely saying in a hypothetical thing. I don't like people telling me who i should blame etc. I will decide that myself
I don't understand how this topic transformed from abuse of therapy's one sacrosanct taboo, to a personal requirement (from God almighty or an apparent unidentified "they") to blame someone.

But since this is a thread about enormous pain, consequence and violation, I hope we can respect and hear testimony from those courageous enough to explore it.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 01:39 PM
  #35
I'm confused on how so many are blaming the therapist...where is the accountability for the patient??? I understand some may be at fault, but it takes two to tango. If I was in a position that I didn't feel comfortable or was inappropriate I'd tell them, and if I still felt off about it a week later I'd switch. There are some lines you don't cross. Morals and ethics are not one sided either.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 03:20 PM
  #36
Informed Consent for Sex Between Health Professional and Patient or Client

“The possibility of "successful" relationships notwithstanding, one may indeed question whether the consent given in such relationships is truly informed, even to the extent typically expected for medical procedures. The following document is an example of what one might use to elicit such informed consent. I originally wrote this document as a tongue-in-cheek response to an attorney with whom I was informally debating this issue. Initially, I was reluctant to share it with victim/survivors, fearing that they might see it as traumatic or offensive. I found, however, that the document reflected the reality for many who had experienced such a sexual relationship, and I have been encouraged to disseminate it more widely. Read it, and ask yourself how many health professionals might be willing to solicit consent for a sexual relationship in this manner, and how many patients so informed might sign such a document.” ~ S. Michael Plaut, Ph.D.

http://www.survivingtherapistabuse.c...-or-Client.pdf
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 03:32 PM
  #37
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I'm confused on how so many are blaming the therapist...where is the accountability for the patient??? I understand some may be at fault, but it takes two to tango. If I was in a position that I didn't feel comfortable or was inappropriate I'd tell them, and if I still felt off about it a week later I'd switch. There are some lines you don't cross. Morals and ethics are not one sided either.
Some clients do resist. But the therapist/client relationship is inherently unequal. Many times the client is vulnerable and groomed.

Many U.S. states criminalize therapist/patient intimacies. It is a felony for a psychiatrist to have sex with a client in California, for example.

Licensing boards prohibit therapist/patient sex/exploitation. Different boards can have different rules about when or if a therapist and client may be intimate.

So it’s not just my opinion...it can be criminal, disciplined by licensing boards and civilly actionable.

The therapist is trained to know therapist/client intimacies probably will hurt the client. Therapists are supposed to have their client’s best interest at heart.
It is absolutely 100% the therapist’s responsibility to do no harm.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 03:37 PM
  #38
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I'm confused on how so many are blaming the therapist...where is the accountability for the patient??? I understand some may be at fault, but it takes two to tango. If I was in a position that I didn't feel comfortable or was inappropriate I'd tell them, and if I still felt off about it a week later I'd switch. There are some lines you don't cross. Morals and ethics are not one sided either.
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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 04:24 PM
  #39
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I'm confused on how so many are blaming the therapist...where is the accountability for the patient??? I understand some may be at fault, but it takes two to tango. If I was in a position that I didn't feel comfortable or was inappropriate I'd tell them, and if I still felt off about it a week later I'd switch. There are some lines you don't cross. Morals and ethics are not one sided either.
edited...
not worth it

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Default Nov 11, 2018 at 05:04 PM
  #40
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I'm confused on how so many are blaming the therapist...where is the accountability for the patient??? I understand some may be at fault, but it takes two to tango. If I was in a position that I didn't feel comfortable or was inappropriate I'd tell them, and if I still felt off about it a week later I'd switch. There are some lines you don't cross. Morals and ethics are not one sided either.

Hey why not add to the blame festival by reproaching spouse abuse victims, cults escapees and anyone else fooled by a con artist or pulled into traumatic bonding?

I'm happy to learn of folks with such flawless judgment that they're immunized against any scam, charlatan or abuse of power. No wonder they visit this discussion to flaunt their infallibility.
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