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Old 11-27-2018, 01:38 PM   #1
precaryous
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Default His relatives

Anyone get thoughts like this?

Sometimes I get the urge to find his relatives and send them the news article describing his arrest and charges of exploiting this one client...bc I want to tell them/him/her it really happened to me!

The article is not about me. The abuse in my case happened the year before.
He had an entire year to victimize more clients before he was arrested. Who knows how many he exploited before me?

I think the article pleas for other victims to come forward and contact the police. Eventually, from what the police told me, seven victims contacted them.

But I donít find and contact the relatives bc I know they are victims, too.

What do I want? Is it just the little kid in me that wants to Ďtell?í Is it bc for sooo long I protected his identity and name believing at the time he was just a good man who made a mistake? Bc I was afraid if I said his name the matter might be taken out of my hands? Is it bc for so long after the civil suit mostly failed I was afraid to say his name- it was a different kind of fear? Do I want someone from his family to say, ďYes, we know.Ē Do I want him to say, now, looking back, heís sorry?

What would likely happen: I would become the victimizer..hurting his innocent family?

Thereís a group on a social media that posts about happenings in that area, garage sales, recommendations, rants, raves. Iíve thought about posting, ĎHey, does anyone remember Dr. ______?í Then see what happens?

I donít know what Iím looking for. I donít know what I want.
I wish none of it ever happened.
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Old 11-27-2018, 03:49 PM   #2
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It never leaves, does it? It's funny - I realized today that this will be with me every second of every day for the rest of my life.

I never know what I want, need or am looking for. I just wish none of it had happened...too.
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Old 11-27-2018, 08:05 PM   #3
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Sorry, again, I know you experienced this too. Im sorry doctors, therapists, clergy, people in a power position are exploiting people. Iím sorry this is happening. I wish I knew how to stop it. All I know how to do is talk talk talk about it.

I donít know about it staying with everyone but it does stay with me.. example- I recently had an EKG. Nothing frightening there, Iíve had dozens. This time I had a male tech and thereís the part of the EKG where Iím partially uncovered while he is placing the electrodes. At the time I found myself thinking, ĎIsnít this taking longer than it should?í ĎShouldnít I be covered better than this?í And I became nervous, yet said nothing in the moment!

Later I called my doctorís personal nurse and told her about the episode. I said 99% it was all me, Iím sure the tech didnít do anything purposely, Iím not trying to get him n trouble, but could I have all female techs from now on? Etc.

But why didnít I speak up for myself at the time? Why didnít I ask for a towel or say, ĎWe need to stop and get me covered better.í

Why canít I do that?!

Twenty-four years later and It never leaves me...
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:16 PM   #4
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Iíve never experienced abuse by a therapist, but I have felt like this towards other men who have abused me. I donít actually want to tell their friends and family about it because Iím sure no one would believe me, but sometimes I still think about it and what it would be like. Would anyone believe me or defend me? Would someone else come forward? I doubt it but I still wonder. Sometimes it makes me so upset that I have to live with what they did to me for the rest of my life and have it negatively impact me every day in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, body memories, fear of men, etc. Yet they get to live as if nothing happened. Maybe if I told the people they love, what they did would finally affect them somehow. I guess thatís why I like thinking about it sometimes even though Iím 99.9999% sure Iíd never tell. Iím so sorry youíve had to go through something awful also. And I feel like itís 100x worse that it was someone who you were supposed to be able to trust and be safe with no matter what.
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Old 11-28-2018, 12:34 AM   #5
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What he did was even more egregious bc I was supposed to feel safe and have trust in him. He should have protected me MORE bc I was vulnerable, trusting and naive.

But he took it as an opportunity to exploit me. We are easier to fool.

He could have had an affair with just about anyone...his colleagues, someone he met at a club, the hospitality personnel at the motel where he stayed. But he chose at least seven of his clients! How sick is that!?

He must be sicker than all of us put together! He didnít just want sex, he wanted control, he wanted to see what he could get away with. It must have been a game with him to fill up His monotonous evenings alone. Maybe an adrenaline rush. He certainly didnít Ďloveí us. He must have hated us.

We came to him for help. The client from the article about his arrest...was only
19 years old! He was arrested and was out on bail...but never prosecuted.

This guy is no longer in practice but there are many more just like him in his field. Itís infuriating that these exploitationís just go on and on!
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Old 01-28-2019, 07:21 PM   #6
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Iím envious of you having the article ! And yes, I think about ď outing ď her to her family ( all of whom know me as her partner for 2 years), and especially to her current employer.
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