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Old 01-06-2019, 10:54 PM #1
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Default Need to get this off my chest

I know this story has been told here time and time again... but I literally want my therapist so badly it hurts. Iíve stuck around for 2 years thinking maybe it would get better, but my feelings only seem to be getting stronger. Iíve always had sexual feelings towards him, but now I think they are developing into more ó which totally freaks me out. I donít want to quit, heís a good t whoís actually helped me, but I donít want to keep feeling like this either. I feel so stuck.
He already knows a bit about the sexual stuff but nothing more.
Iím not sure how this is gonna help, but I just felt like taking about it with people here, getting it out of my head, and bouncing ideas back and forth could be beneficial.

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Old 01-06-2019, 11:03 PM #2
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

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Originally Posted by SummerTime12 View Post
I know this story has been told here time and time again... but I literally want my therapist so badly it hurts. Iíve stuck around for 2 years thinking maybe it would get better, but my feelings only seem to be getting stronger. Iíve always had sexual feelings towards him, but now I think they are developing into more ó which totally freaks me out. I donít want to quit, heís a good t whoís actually helped me, but I donít want to keep feeling like this either. I feel so stuck.
He already knows a bit about the sexual stuff but nothing more.
Iím not sure how this is gonna help, but I just felt like taking about it with people here, getting it out of my head, and bouncing ideas back and forth could be beneficial.
I just finished reading The Love Cure by John Ryan Haule. It really put things into perspective for me in this area. What was very enlightening for me was what's presented about the relationship between us and T and why maintaining distance within the union is important for both... Not just us. It gave me a sense of compassion for my T that has calmed my craziness over her some. Another thing I liked is how he also rejects the world view of boundaries and stereotypical crap we hear at the same time. It just makes everything make sense... At least for me.
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:28 AM #3
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

It sucks for sure, the weird thing for me, it has come after he left.

Since I speak to you off PC, I feel it's ok to say this, but could this possibly have to do with something in your marriage? I know you've expressed issues there before, could you and your H consider couples therapy as well? Not sure if it would help but it if it was related to that, I figure it might be worth a shot

Sadly, I've no idea what to say, other than to try and remind yourself how he has helped you and that you are both married and in this type of relationship. Sorry that you are feeling this way, I know he's been helpful for you so I can't imagine how hard this is.
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Old 01-07-2019, 08:45 AM #4
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

It can be so painful. Can you talk to him a bit more about how you feel? That might help.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:12 PM #5
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

If you did not have and these feelings what would your life be like? Would it be dull and gray or full of color? When I finally let go of my T I realized I was using him and the feelings to give my life something other than the dullness and drudgery that it is. I am also married.
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:20 PM #6
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

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Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
I just finished reading The Love Cure by John Ryan Haule. It really put things into perspective for me in this area. What was very enlightening for me was what's presented about the relationship between us and T and why maintaining distance within the union is important for both... Not just us. It gave me a sense of compassion for my T that has calmed my craziness over her some. Another thing I liked is how he also rejects the world view of boundaries and stereotypical crap we hear at the same time. It just makes everything make sense... At least for me.

Thanks for mentioning the book--just downloaded the Kindle version--the preview that I read was really intriguing.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:27 PM #7
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

For Summer--I assume you're worried that you're developing romantic feelings along with the sexual? I agree they can be really hard to deal with, as I ultimately had some of those for my ex-marriage counselor, along with paternal transference and some sexual feelings. It was all very confusing in my head. I'd just suggest being careful in talking about romantic feelings, if that's what they are. The paternal stuff (including love feelings) were fine, and he was completely accepting of them. But when he sensed romantic love in my "I love you so much" email, that's when things shifted. (And he eventually confirmed that's why he suddenly put up more boundaries.)

Some T's can completely handle those feelings, and yours might be great with it. But it can just be a sensitive area. It might be better to try to frame it more as erotic transference. Or is it possible there's paternal stuff in there, too? It can make things feel really intense, because it's about unmet childhood needs. (I know it might seem weird if that's there along with sexual stuff, but from what I've been told, it's not that uncommon. Like how kids often fall in love with a parent.)



I am in general in favor of talking about things like that, or they can build up more. Just saying to be careful in talking about it with him. Talk about it here all you want!
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:11 PM #8
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
I just finished reading The Love Cure by John Ryan Haule. It really put things into perspective for me in this area. What was very enlightening for me was what's presented about the relationship between us and T and why maintaining distance within the union is important for both... Not just us. It gave me a sense of compassion for my T that has calmed my craziness over her some. Another thing I liked is how he also rejects the world view of boundaries and stereotypical crap we hear at the same time. It just makes everything make sense... At least for me.

Thanks for this! Iíll take a look at it. You would think with me being a therapist intern that I would understand and be ok with my feelings but nope..
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:16 PM #9
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
It sucks for sure, the weird thing for me, it has come after he left.



Since I speak to you off PC, I feel it's ok to say this, but could this possibly have to do with something in your marriage? I know you've expressed issues there before, could you and your H consider couples therapy as well? Not sure if it would help but it if it was related to that, I figure it might be worth a shot



Sadly, I've no idea what to say, other than to try and remind yourself how he has helped you and that you are both married and in this type of relationship. Sorry that you are feeling this way, I know he's been helpful for you so I can't imagine how hard this is.

Thank you Need to get this off my chest
I know my H and I have a lot to work on in our marriage, but Iím not totally sure if my feelings for my T are related to that or not. Itís definitely a possibility and something for me to think about. I would love to try couples therapy if my H were willing. Whatís strange though is that if anything, things have been getting better between me and H recently. I constantly try to remind myself that T is married with kids and prob has plenty of flaws I donít know about. And I also remind myself how much I love my H. But ugh sometimes that s*** just doesnít work Need to get this off my chest
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:17 PM #10
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

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Originally Posted by TeaVicar? View Post
It can be so painful. Can you talk to him a bit more about how you feel? That might help.


Thank you, it really can be. I think I might try to bring it up when I see him tomorrow, though Iíve already told him a good amount... maybe too much.
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