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Old 02-13-2019, 12:32 PM #1
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Trig Falling

Me to T:
Initially, i went to him depressed, defeated, my life was unmanageable.

He thought I was interesting and intelligent, he supported me vs. my parents, he boosted my self-esteem, we discovered we had a few things in common. He seemed to care, calling me late at night to see how I was doing.

He lifted me up- I almost felt like a colleague, an equal. My mood improved. From what he told me I began to believe maybe I was attractive, a little bit.

I began to trust and care for him.

Eventually, we had sex, he took my money, we stopped having sex. He wouldn’t say why. Then he said it was because of his heart. He said he had ‘small vessel heart disease.’ He might die. I believed him. Sat in my car outside his office and cried.

But I persisted- there were other ways to express affection..

Then, he dropped the hammer to get rid of me-
He told me:

“ I had sex with you bc I felt sorry for you- just like I feel sorry for these street people!.”

He told the police, the medical board and my lawyer that I was a ‘known prostitute.’

He tried to make the relationship all my fault-
“You promised me you could handle this!! Why aren’t you handling this!!”

Do you see what happened??

I was depressed and anxious when I first began to see him. My self-esteem was low. I was lost in that culture shock and poverty. I believed him! He gave me hope! His kind words lifted me up, making me believe we were almost equals.

Then he compared me to street people and prostitutes and made it all my fault.
I crashed down lower than I thought possible!
And he was right, that’s exactly where i am and where I belong.
Destroyed.
He destroyed me.

——
I wouldn’t have fallen down so far if he hadn’t lifted me up first and given me hope!

Do you see how far down I’ve fallen?
Poverty
Weight
Broken teeth
Trapped
Family thinks I’m nuts

His prophecy has been fulfilled.
He should have just murdered me.
——

He lost his license but he wasn’t punished!

I’m the one who is being punished! ....every day! ...even when I don’t expect it- like when I get PTSD flares..or meet a new doctor..or watch tv...meet people....when I try but can’t go someplace...when I try to go to sleep...when I wake up...in my nightmares...or when I look in the mirror.

He *lifted me up* then pushed me so far down...
He did it because he liked it gave me farther to fall!

Do you feel or see that?
It gave me farther to fall.

So, I fell.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Last edited by precaryous; 02-13-2019 at 02:22 PM.
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Old 02-13-2019, 01:45 PM #2
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Default Re: Falling

I just want you to know that I feel your pain. I have experienced being lifted up and then pushed down by a therapist, not to the same degree as you have, but I got enough of it to know what you are talking about. There is really nothing else for me to say here. Life can be so cruel sometimes that you are just left wondering how these things could happen and get no answer and no one can give you the answer. I can only offer a hug and let you know that I "get it". I am sure there are many people who "get it" as well, though there are many of those who don't and never will..
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Old 02-13-2019, 01:55 PM #3
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Default Re: Falling

So sorry that happened to you. I hope someday you can find some peace and be able to heal from this.

*hugs*
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Old 02-14-2019, 05:58 AM #4
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Default Re: Falling

Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Me to T:
Initially, i went to him depressed, defeated, my life was unmanageable.

He thought I was interesting and intelligent, he supported me vs. my parents, he boosted my self-esteem, we discovered we had a few things in common. He seemed to care, calling me late at night to see how I was doing.

He lifted me up- I almost felt like a colleague, an equal. My mood improved. From what he told me I began to believe maybe I was attractive, a little bit.

I began to trust and care for him.

Eventually, we had sex, he took my money, we stopped having sex. He wouldn’t say why. Then he said it was because of his heart. He said he had ‘small vessel heart disease.’ He might die. I believed him. Sat in my car outside his office and cried.

But I persisted- there were other ways to express affection..

Then, he dropped the hammer to get rid of me-
He told me:

“ I had sex with you bc I felt sorry for you- just like I feel sorry for these street people!.”

He told the police, the medical board and my lawyer that I was a ‘known prostitute.’

He tried to make the relationship all my fault-
“You promised me you could handle this!! Why aren’t you handling this!!”

Do you see what happened??

I was depressed and anxious when I first began to see him. My self-esteem was low. I was lost in that culture shock and poverty. I believed him! He gave me hope! His kind words lifted me up, making me believe we were almost equals.

Then he compared me to street people and prostitutes and made it all my fault.
I crashed down lower than I thought possible!
And he was right, that’s exactly where i am and where I belong.
Destroyed.
He destroyed me.

——
I wouldn’t have fallen down so far if he hadn’t lifted me up first and given me hope!

Do you see how far down I’ve fallen?
Poverty
Weight
Broken teeth
Trapped
Family thinks I’m nuts

His prophecy has been fulfilled.
He should have just murdered me.
——

He lost his license but he wasn’t punished!

I’m the one who is being punished! ....every day! ...even when I don’t expect it- like when I get PTSD flares..or meet a new doctor..or watch tv...meet people....when I try but can’t go someplace...when I try to go to sleep...when I wake up...in my nightmares...or when I look in the mirror.

He *lifted me up* then pushed me so far down...
He did it because he liked it gave me farther to fall!

Do you feel or see that?
It gave me farther to fall.

So, I fell.

WHY? WHY? WHY?
I'm going to be late to work, but I have so many similar thoughts.
And a determination to get as far past her betrayl add possible
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