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Old 02-25-2019, 05:04 PM #21
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

I don't know, I really don't know but I like Unaluna's take - they can't all be that attractive, right?

If you were the child of a narcissist, google echoism. Among other things that ring true for me, there's something about being stuck in an unrequited love situation/pattern. I keep thinking about breaking patterns that become stuck or changing the script. Some say that you have to re-experience the pain before change can happen, I don't know that I agree.

But yeah, talk and chip away.
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Old 02-25-2019, 06:53 PM #22
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by TeaVicar? View Post
I don't know, I really don't know but I like Unaluna's take - they can't all be that attractive, right?

If you were the child of a narcissist, google echoism. Among other things that ring true for me, there's something about being stuck in an unrequited love situation/pattern. I keep thinking about breaking patterns that become stuck or changing the script. Some say that you have to re-experience the pain before change can happen, I don't know that I agree.

But yeah, talk and chip away.
Thanks. I did google echoism and I do have a narcissist father. And I am a people pleaser. Iím trying to connect that to my situation with t but not seeing the thread?
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Old 02-25-2019, 07:28 PM #23
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
Thanks. I did google echoism and I do have a narcissist father. And I am a people pleaser. Iím trying to connect that to my situation with t but not seeing the thread?
I thought your T sharing more would decrease the chance for the erotic transference, but it does seem to be different with everyone. Some people develop more transference, some less.

My T was rather blank slate, which I think actually (though unintentionally) encouraged my erotic transference since I never had a relationship with my father given he was totally unavailable. So a repetition of my past. (I refer to oedipal complex, but that's just symbolism to having never had a relationship with my father).

Have you identified ways you may be repeating your past?
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Old 02-25-2019, 07:45 PM #24
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
... But itís confusing. I find myself resenting his decades of having a happy family. I donít want to resent him either. I know I just donít want to feel this way. It doesnít have an off switch
Have you talked about these feelings with him? Is he able to discuss them without taking it personally? Cuz its really more about you than him.
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Old 02-25-2019, 08:00 PM #25
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
I thought your T sharing more would decrease the chance for the erotic transference, but it does seem to be different with everyone. Some people develop more transference, some less.

My T was rather blank slate, which I think actually (though unintentionally) encouraged my erotic transference since I never had a relationship with my father given he was totally unavailable. So a repetition of my past. (I refer to oedipal complex, but that's just symbolism to having never had a relationship with my father).

Have you identified ways you may be repeating your past?
This happened with my last t but that t was more of a blank slate so thatís why I thought it happened last time. It never happened the 15-20 years before that with others.

I did not grow up with the love and attention I needed. So there is that I guess Not really a repeating pattern just latching onto finally getting a form of love and attention
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Old 02-25-2019, 08:47 PM #26
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Thanks for that non judgmental reply. I appreciate that
I hope you know I was just kidding when I made that remark about still loving him when he does something disgusting. I'm sorry if I hurt you .
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Old 02-25-2019, 09:01 PM #27
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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This happened with my last t but that t was more of a blank slate so thatís why I thought it happened last time. It never happened the 15-20 years before that with others.

I did not grow up with the love and attention I needed. So there is that I guess Not really a repeating pattern just latching onto finally getting a form of love and attention
So you were kind of caught off guard, I see.

Ya know mumy sexual feelings were such a mix and didn't all come from the same source. Sometimes it was just from feeling cared about or nurtured rather than any special meaning.

From what you said it seems your disress is less about the actual physical feelings and more about the feelings of envy.

So even if the physical feelings pass, the emotional may still be there? Or the physical is a reminder of the emotional, so when the physical component goes away, the emotional can then be avoided?
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Old 02-25-2019, 09:18 PM #28
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by Calla lily12 View Post
I hope you know I was just kidding when I made that remark about still loving him when he does something disgusting. I'm sorry if I hurt you .
You didnít hurt me you gave me a chuckle. Iíve seen him eat a hard boiled egg with his mouth open. But yeah gross but still love him
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Old 02-25-2019, 09:25 PM #29
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Iíve been really upset and t called me tonight. It finally came up and although we talked around it or I talked around it he guessed what my issue is. Thankfully he thank me for caring about him so much and he knows I wonít break boundaries. He reminded me that there are rules. Strangely not ďIím not attracted to youĒ (although Iím pretty sure he isnít). Or even ďIím married ď (which I already know he is). Just that we know that rules are in place that we must follow.

If he can fit me in tomorrow we will talk about it. Iím
Nervous but thankful he didnít say the obvious in a way that hurts like hell.
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Old 02-25-2019, 09:46 PM #30
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
Iíve been really upset and t called me tonight. It finally came up and although we talked around it or I talked around it he guessed what my issue is. Thankfully he thank me for caring about him so much and he knows I wonít break boundaries. He reminded me that there are rules. Strangely not ďIím not attracted to youĒ (although Iím pretty sure he isnít). Or even ďIím married ď (which I already know he is). Just that we know that rules are in place that we must follow.

If he can fit me in tomorrow we will talk about it. Iím
Nervous but thankful he didnít say the obvious in a way that hurts like hell.
Not really that strange, is it? Thatís the sort of thing you say to someone you meet and know casually who then asks you out. Or the person in the hotel bar when youíre at a conference who hits on you.

Theyíre not things you say to someone you know well and care about.
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