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Old 02-25-2019, 09:54 PM #31
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
Ive been really upset and t called me tonight. It finally came up and although we talked around it or I talked around it he guessed what my issue is. Thankfully he thank me for caring about him so much and he knows I wont break boundaries. He reminded me that there are rules. Strangely not Im not attracted to you (although Im pretty sure he isnt). Or even Im married (which I already know he is). Just that we know that rules are in place that we must follow.

If he can fit me in tomorrow we will talk about it. Im
Nervous but thankful he didnt say the obvious in a way that hurts like hell.
So far, so good. Great.
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Old 02-25-2019, 10:14 PM #32
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Thanks for that non judgmental reply. I appreciate that
dP, you know you and I have some different experiences, but I just want to say that I don't know how people could judge you for loving him! Love is a feeling- I don't think you choose it!
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Old 02-27-2019, 04:51 PM #33
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Thanks. I did google echoism and I do have a narcissist father. And I am a people pleaser. Im trying to connect that to my situation with t but not seeing the thread?
It's impossible to have a mutually loving relationship with a narcissist because they only see themselves. they don't see us. So it is experienced as an unrequited love, we love but we aren't loved back. Maybe that's partly what is being replayed in therapy? Not because the T is a narcissist (though I think quite a few are) but it's the pain that we're seeking on some level to replay... maybe to process the original pain??

It's great that he has acknowledged your feelings. that's a good sign already.
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Old 02-27-2019, 05:08 PM #34
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I thought your T sharing more would decrease the chance for the erotic transference, but it does seem to be different with everyone. Some people develop more transference, some less.

My T was rather blank slate, which I think actually (though unintentionally) encouraged my erotic transference since I never had a relationship with my father given he was totally unavailable. So a repetition of my past. (I refer to oedipal complex, but that's just symbolism to having never had a relationship with my father).

Have you identified ways you may be repeating your past?
Absolutely the same here. The lack of self disclosure intensified my ET for sure. He became less real and more of a fantasy in my head. But isn't that the original reason for the more traditional style, because it brings out "the transference/s", which can then be worked on? I think it's a very outdated method and a bit of a contradiction, when you think about past trauma's that are supposed to be helped by therapy. I felt as though I was replaying my early traumas for a long time, while dealing with ET/attachment.

sorry to derail!
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Old 02-28-2019, 10:20 PM #35
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Absolutely the same here. The lack of self disclosure intensified my ET for sure. He became less real and more of a fantasy in my head. But isn't that the original reason for the more traditional style, because it brings out "the transference/s", which can then be worked on? I think it's a very outdated method and a bit of a contradiction, when you think about past trauma's that are supposed to be helped by therapy. I felt as though I was replaying my early traumas for a long time, while dealing with ET/attachment.
Yes, I agree that is the method of the madness.

But about the point of outdatedness--It was difficult with my trauma history, but I find that method changed my cognitive structure. I don't think of it as outdated at all. Kind of like-people have been eating eggs for centuries. Aren't they still just as useful?

New stuff is often recycled old stuff used to market and sell anyway.
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Old 03-01-2019, 05:20 AM #36
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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Yes, I agree that is the method of the madness.

But about the point of outdatedness--It was difficult with my trauma history, but I find that method changed my cognitive structure. I don't think of it as outdated at all. Kind of like-people have been eating eggs for centuries. Aren't they still just as useful?

New stuff is often recycled old stuff used to market and sell anyway.
In what way did it change your cognitive structure?

I guess it depends whether you like eggs in the first place and how you like to eat them

No therapist can be a blank slate - they have pictures on the walls, they wear clothes, they have things on their desk, they use a certain pen, they have a car outside etc. All of these things conjure up a person with a personality.

My issue with the traditional psychoanalytic method, is that it already makes the work even harder to start with. It's harder to build trust, harder to be open and honest and I think it makes the process more painful than it could be, with a slightly softer approach. In my view, it creates unnecessary additional suffering. I also think that the emphasis on fostering an environment for transference to blossom/fester is misplaced because undoubtedly things will happen or go wrong or the therapist will wear funny socks or something, and all of these things will have an effect and will create feelings in the client. So why not create an open conversation about something and deal with those feelings there and then? Obviously I don't mean that the therapist should blab about their entire life but revealing nothing is also an extreme. What about the middle ground?

I do feel it's outdated (unlike eggs!) and dogmatic and stems from an old patriarchal, authoritarian system which views the therapist as superior to the client... who is often referred to as the "patient" and is the sick one. I wonder what they are frightened of?

Train is totally off the tracks, sorry growly x
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Old 03-01-2019, 03:00 PM #37
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

All discourse welcome here. Im enjoying the read.
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Old 03-03-2019, 07:50 PM #38
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

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In what way did it change your cognitive structure?
I don't have parts anymore, it's all integrated.

My ego boundaries don't blur anymore. Before I used to (unconsciously) let others enter my boundaries. These were usually controlling, sadistic, or abusive people. Even people doing people pleasing, as that is a type of control too. These are more mild than not with most people, so its not easy to see but now that I've done this therapy I can perceive these subtle intrusions from others but they no longer cross my psychological boundaries.
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Old 03-04-2019, 01:34 PM #39
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

I wish I knew the answer to this.
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