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Old 02-24-2019, 06:51 PM #1
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Default How to make those feelings go away

I have no problem feeling a bond and a sense of love towards my therapist. What I donít want is the more inappropriate side to those feelings. Wanting more. I donít want to want more than I have. Not from him. Not towards a married man

How do you make those feelings go away? Everyone says talk about it with your t but I know the whole litany of things he could say. Each one more devastating than the next. If I talk to him about this I donít think heíd refer me out but he could change boundaries. I have no intention of behaving inappropriately but these feelings are killing me. Itís wierd to have such chemistry with someone yet thereís no possibility of more ever happening at least romantically. The universe mocks me.

What do I do? Seek another t? What a rabbit hole that is. The whole catch is that therapy doesnít work for me without strong positive feelings mutually. My therapy works very well otherwise.
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Old 02-24-2019, 07:46 PM #2
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Does it have to be a whole THING? Does he have to RESPOND? Isnt alright if i just say, "okay, thats your vacation THIS year, but NEXT year we are definitely taking our honeymoon."

Then repeat the next year or vacation. Eventually you work thru the stuff, in bits and pieces thruout the the year(s). But it doesnt have to be resolved THIS MINUTE. You talk a little about what it means to miss him on this vacation (or whatever), to do X alone, etc. You just chip away at it. But you recognize it as one of the major themes of your therapy and try to see whats behind it.

Then you sign up for match.com and wonder why all the guys, tho objectively okay-looking, perhaps even attractive, just dont appeal to you.
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Old 02-24-2019, 07:56 PM #3
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Does it have to be a whole THING? Does he have to RESPOND? Isnt alright if i just say, "okay, thats your vacation THIS year, but NEXT year we are definitely taking our honeymoon."

Then repeat the next year or vacation. Eventually you work thru the stuff, in bits and pieces thruout the the year(s). But it doesnt have to be resolved THIS MINUTE. You talk a little about what it means to miss him on this vacation (or whatever), to do X alone, etc. You just chip away at it. But you recognize it as one of the major themes of your therapy and try to see whats behind it.

Then you sign up for match.com and wonder why all the guys, tho objectively okay-looking, perhaps even attractive, just dont appeal to you.
Soooo you are saying I have a chance? Chip away at him slowly? Break him down? Then when it all falls apart go to match.com? Challenge accepted
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Old 02-24-2019, 08:08 PM #4
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Ps I donít appeal to men. Iíve gotten the memo many tines
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:12 PM #5
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

P.p.s. yeah neither do i. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in while.
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:14 PM #6
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

I have no experience with this.. however, something just struck me when reading your post. You said you donít think that therapy works for you if you donít have the positive mutual feelings. (Something among those lines anyways).. but does it have to be a romantic mutual feeling?

I have never had to deal with romantic feelings for a t, but I do feel like we have mutual positive feelings for each other. Like we both respect each other. I generally care about his well being as a person as a whole and I feel he does the same for me. Perhaps you can identify those positive feelings and focus in those? I am sure much easier said than done.
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:20 PM #7
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
What I donít want is the more inappropriate side to those feelings. Wanting more. I donít want to want more than I have.
Was is the fear?
Do you gave sexual abuse trauma?

Feelings like this can pass.

I didn't mind the sexual feelings for my T at all so probably hard for me to relate. I think my T is cute and I enjoy my sexuality....

But I sure can relate to fears. You've been really quiet here lately, hope your therapy is going well otherwise.
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:22 PM #8
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
Soooo you are saying I have a chance? Chip away at him slowly? Break him down? Then when it all falls apart go to match.com? Challenge accepted
No no no. This is YOUR rock of Gibralter that you need to surmount. When you get thru it, youre in sunny Spain!

Cuz i dont believe its about him. Why would i just HAPPEN to be SO IN LOVE with my t, and you with yours? Its their role, not their delightful persons.

Theres a bunch of people on this site who agree with you, not with me, but tough noogies (yes thats the technical term!)
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:29 PM #9
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by healed84 View Post
I have no experience with this.. however, something just struck me when reading your post. You said you donít think that therapy works for you if you donít have the positive mutual feelings. (Something among those lines anyways).. but does it have to be a romantic mutual feeling?

I have never had to deal with romantic feelings for a t, but I do feel like we have mutual positive feelings for each other. Like we both respect each other. I generally care about his well being as a person as a whole and I feel he does the same for me. Perhaps you can identify those positive feelings and focus in those? I am sure much easier said than done.
Thank you! Yes i doubt t has romantic feelings for me and I donít think I want that either. But itís confusing. I find myself resenting his decades of having a happy family. I donít want to resent him either. I know I just donít want to feel this way. It doesnít have an off switch
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:34 PM #10
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Default Re: How to make those feelings go away

Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
Was is the fear?
Do you gave sexual abuse trauma?

Feelings like this can pass.

I didn't mind the sexual feelings for my T at all so probably hard for me to relate. I think my T is cute and I enjoy my sexuality....

But I sure can relate to fears. You've been really quiet here lately, hope your therapy is going well otherwise.
Abuse yes sexual a big gray question mark. Iíll never really know for sure

With my t in CA I didnít mind the attraction to him. It was a pleasant warm
Buzz but I didnít desire it to come to fruition.

I feel like I really know my latest t. I still only see him at his best so Iím realistic about that. It just doesnít seem fair that Iíd hit it off so well with someone I will never have a chance with. That it wonít go anywhere frustrates me.

I still come to pc but my t has been criticized here yet has never done anything I think is inappropriate. Others disagree. Our therapy is unorthodox but still has boundaries.

Even if he were a rigid t I think might have happened anyways. I donít know how to appreciate what I have and not long for more
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