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Old 04-16-2019, 12:59 PM #1
EllieEm EllieEm is offline
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Default Told therapist about transference... well, kind of

So this is my first real post on PC, not including the intro post. I've been seeing my t for a few months now and the last month have had a mix of paternal and erotic transference that I find so confusing. I've read where a t will refuse to talk about it when brought to his/her attention, some referring the client out to another t. This would be devastating to me. But I've desperately wanted to tell him.

So today I told him I was starting to have transference. He smiled and I was so embarrassed. So I back petaled and said it was paternal... I'd mentioned awhile ago that I was very protective of my son, and he had said he too was protective of his children, which made my mind go to, he's such a good father, I wish I'd had that growing up instead of a child molester. Enter the paternal transference. But I couldn't admit to anything else, fearing he'd refer me out.

I asked him if this was common, and he said no, he's heard very little about it. Which made me feel worse. Isn't this common?! But then he clarified that transference is very common... which is uncommon, in his experience, is someone telling him about it. And he (once again) finds my honesty and openness refreshing. Which makes me love him even more, but then also make me feel guilty since I held back the main transference which is of course erotic. So much for being honest. I still want to tell him but don't think I can take the chance, too much to lose.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:59 PM #2
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Default Re: Told therapist about transference... well, kind of

I'm glad it worked out for you.

I remember my long term one telling me that he "suspected" he had other clients who felt similar but I was the only one who was honest about it. I liked knowing that.
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Old 04-16-2019, 05:30 PM #3
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Default Re: Told therapist about transference... well, kind of

I guess I do too, but I'd feel even better about it if I had been completely honest. But then I think I'd be freaking out about it right now if I had lol. Baby steps I suppose..
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:56 AM #4
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Default Re: Told therapist about transference... well, kind of

There is nothing to be embarrassed about; Ithink transference is just a fancy word for feelings. Yes, it is very common. We are drawn to someone who listens and cares.
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