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Old 04-29-2019, 02:00 AM #1
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Default Guilt from erotic transference

Hey! I'm new to this site and I'm hoping for some help. I've been going to therapy (CBT) for almost 8 months to treat anxiety and depression. I started developing feelings for my therapist earlier this year which was very confusing at first but after doing some research I learned that it is transference and normal.

I am married and been feeling very guilty to the point where I feel like it is intefering with my marriage. I have a very loving and supportive husband but don't think this is something I can talk to him about because I don't want him to worry. I'm still not even sure if I can bring it up with my therapist because I don't know how she will respond.

Is there anyone out there who has been through this? What did you end up doing?
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Old 04-30-2019, 05:52 AM #2
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Default Re: Guilt from erotic transference

I have been in love with my t for a long time. It is common to have feelings for someone who listens and affirms who we are. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply are. If you t is well-trained she will handle your feelings sensitively and kindly, and be happy you shared them with her.
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Old 05-05-2019, 04:14 PM #3
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Default Re: Guilt from erotic transference

It's a really common occurrence in therapy. When you consider why we're in therapy in the first place, it's usually to do with love... a lack or it or the abuse of it, so it's no wonder our love and desire to be loved back comes out in therapy. Accepting our feelings might be the first step.

Guilt is often linked to shame, and for most of us, love and shame go hand in hand. If our love (and our need for love) was met with anger, ambivalence or nothing, then we might internalise the love-shame connection.

It's great that you have a good relationship with your husband. Maybe you could channel some of that love energy into your relationship?

I did feel guilty sometimes but I also recognised that it was part of the process. Boundaries help everyone in that respect.
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Old 05-05-2019, 09:22 PM #4
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Default Re: Guilt from erotic transference

You're right about channeling some of that love into my marriage. I've gone through miscarriages and a stillbirth over the past few years so i've kinda felt like i've been in this fog I can't snap out of which made me start therapy in the first place. I feel like all my depression and anxiety has made it harder putting energy into my marriage at times. I probably should of gone to therapy years ago because i've suffered from depression and anxiety for a very long time.

I did have a childhood where I felt like I never got a lot of emotional support, mostly from my father. He is also an alcoholic which made life tougher. I didn't realize how much it affected me until I was in my 30s. Over the years I learned to push people away when I needed support because I never felt I could really turn to anyone especially as a teenager.
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