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SarahSweden
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 05:42 PM
  #1
I usually don´t google a T or a doctor I currently see but I do google them when I don´t see them anymore or if I have more of a brief contact with them. Like with a doctor I very rarely see and whom I don´t meet for therapy.

I don´t know if it´s just curiosity or perhaps to feel they´re also humans which makes me search for facts about them. But I find it a bit interesting to see that often they don´t have that "perfect" life one might believe when seeing them in their offices.

As I´ve seen rather many doctors, counsellors and similar during the years I know several are divorced, one of them has an adult child living with her. I can understand from historical records that some of them have lived by themselves for many years.


Another interesting thing is that I found out one, 50+ in age, has lived in a very small flat with only one room for 20+ years. Another who I thought had like a family and her own house also lives in a rather small flat and has also lived by herself for at least 10 years.

As this perhaps also in some way is connected to transference I often connect the information I find about them to thoughts about their possible sex life or lack thereof. Like with some therapists who often deal with clients relationships issues perhaps haven´t had sex themselves for many years. By that I don´t mean they´re not able to deal with or talk with a client about sex but it´s still something I find a bit surprising.

I also think about the possible loneliness as almost all therapists, doctors and so on I´ve met with are in their 60s. Even if they have children they often don´t live at home and then they won´t get daily hugs or comfort, at least not from someone living with them.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 10:49 PM
  #2
Plenty of people are married with families and that doesn't prevent them from being lonely. Loneliness is not simply the absence of people around oneself. And I don't really think children are capable of providing adults with much comfort. That's supposed to be the job of the adults. As for partners hugging and comforting each other, well, I think you're idealizing marriage a bit.

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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 02:37 AM
  #3
There's no way to know what a therapist's life is really like beyond what they choose to share, no matter what details you may find online. Some people are happy to live alone. Some married people are miserable. I've wondered about my therapist's marriage because I saw his wife in person and I thought that they seemed like an odd match. But how would I know? Maybe things are totally different behind closed doors. My previous therapist was an older lady, single and childless, and she seemed pretty content with her life. She was always doing interesting things with her life.
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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 05:20 PM
  #4
Thanks. Yes, my point in this post is that what you think about people, in this case, therapists, is sometimes far from reality. I think it´s both interesting and also comforting to know they haven´t lived a perfect life either.


I understand all those things like marriage doesn´t prevent a person from being lonely and so on, my point is that knowing something about a T both makes them more human and it also decreases feelings of otherness. It´s not that I think all T:s actually have perfect lives or that one specific kind of life will lead to happiness.


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Plenty of people are married with families and that doesn't prevent them from being lonely. Loneliness is not simply the absence of people around oneself. And I don't really think children are capable of providing adults with much comfort. That's supposed to be the job of the adults. As for partners hugging and comforting each other, well, I think you're idealizing marriage a bit.
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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 05:26 PM
  #5
Thanks. No, and that´s not my point in this post, that I think I know how they live beyond what I can get to know by googling them.

Of course a T can be both happy and sad by living alone or married to someone. But by knowing some things shows they have also had struggles, like for example going through a divorce, and that makes me feel closer to them. Now I google only past T:s or doctors but it can still make it a bit easier to talk to a new T, doctor or similar knowing that they also struggle with things in life. It´s not that I couldn´t figure that out before I googled them but some personal info puts a new light to how I experience them.


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Originally Posted by autonoe View Post
There's no way to know what a therapist's life is really like beyond what they choose to share, no matter what details you may find online. Some people are happy to live alone. Some married people are miserable. I've wondered about my therapist's marriage because I saw his wife in person and I thought that they seemed like an odd match. But how would I know? Maybe things are totally different behind closed doors. My previous therapist was an older lady, single and childless, and she seemed pretty content with her life. She was always doing interesting things with her life.
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 01:20 PM
  #6
I’d not see any benefit assuming one struggles based on the fact that they live alone or their flat is small or they got divorced. Sometimes divorce is a good thing, small place could be very cosy and pretty, some people enjoy living alone, living alone doesn’t mean people aren’t in a relationship or don’t have sex life or don’t have social life.

Sometimes when people live alone, they have more social life than when they have a family because they don’t have to rush home to cook or take care of kids. When I lived alone I actually had more social life than ever because I had no one to rush home to, I had less housework to do and my place was small so not much cleaning needed etc so I was out and about doing things, meeting people and going places and then enjoying my quiet place. It was great time all around. I’d hate someone assuming I was struggling or was lonely because I lived alone or had a small place.

I think assuming you understand others lives by just looking st some snippets is detrimental to you
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 01:42 PM
  #7
Thanks. As I commented to other posts in this thread; it´s not that I don´t understand that living alone can mean different things to different people or that a divorce can be both good and bad.


But getting to know things about a former therapist is still valuable as it´s easy to put oneself in a role as someone unsuccessful while the therapists seem to have "perfect lives". Knowing some things about them makes me see a bit "below the surface" and to find a space where I can see similarities instead of just feeling inferior.

My post isn´t about the members of this forum but about how clients relate to their therapists and how they experience transference. I have never said I think I understand the whole life of a therapist just by finding facts about them online. Also, this post isn´t about debating the value of knowledge about a T or possible interpretations of info found about a T.


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I’d not see any benefit assuming one struggles based on the fact that they live alone or their flat is small or they got divorced. Sometimes divorce is a good thing, small place could be very cosy and pretty, some people enjoy living alone, living alone doesn’t mean people aren’t in a relationship or don’t have sex life or don’t have social life.

Sometimes when people live alone, they have more social life than when they have a family because they don’t have to rush home to cook or take care of kids. When I lived alone I actually had more social life than ever because I had no one to rush home to, I had less housework to do and my place was small so not much cleaning needed etc so I was out and about doing things, meeting people and going places and then enjoying my quiet place. It was great time all around. I’d hate someone assuming I was struggling or was lonely because I lived alone or had a small place.

I think assuming you understand others lives by just looking st some snippets is detrimental to you
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 03:42 PM
  #8
I understand. I know it’s not about us here, I am just saying you can’t know anything by looking at little things. But I agree most certainly therapists don’t have perfect lives, no one has it perfect and who really knows what’s perfect. It’s so subjective. You seem to equate perfection with being married, having a family and big place and financial success but there are many single people living alone in tiny places in the middle of nowhere with no money and they find their lives to be perfect.
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Default Jul 07, 2019 at 06:40 AM
  #9
I see my T at her home which brings up certain issues for me, as I 'know' things without googling them. T is very discreet and family stays out of her way when I (and other clients I expect) arrive, but I've still seen people and things that I think about and compare my life to. It's evitable and I think a sign of a good T if they are comfortable with discussing how their living arrangements make us feel. I haven't googled my T and don't think I would while seeing her, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If a T didn't want people to know something, presumably they wouldn't put it online.
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 12:58 PM
  #10
Regardless of the T's personal life, this really has no bearing on their ability to counsel and provide good therapy. If you are comfortable and getting the feedback you ask for that is what really counts. Although of course if your T is expressing extreme feelings of sadness or anxiety etc at times then this may affect you. I would in fact mention it if that were the case.
I do more than google if I am researching a provider. You can in fact check them out at the State level and see that they are licensed and other educational things. I do this right away not after I no longer see them. I tell my providers that I research all people on my case. One T actually told me that she researches her clients. Of course usually they have access to our basic medical records anyways.

In theory, we clients are not to think or worry about the T's personal life but to only focus on our relationship with the T and what we are getting out of it. I think it is important to speak up about anything that seems to be out of wack or bothering us in sessions.
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