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Lonelyinmyheart
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Default Feb 09, 2020 at 02:58 PM
  #1
I know that at some point I will have to be open and honest about the fact my feelings for my same sex T have erotic undertones.

She knows I feel very strongly about her emotionally and she understands this. We have talked about it quite a few times now. She is always very empathic and does not shy away from difficult feelings and conversations.

To be honest, if there was ever a T I felt I could share having sexual feelings for, it would be her, 100%.

This doesn't make it easy though...but if it's interfering with the prospect of being in relationships with others in life, then I feel it's important to share and work through.

I'm hoping that in the sharing, the feelings may start to become less intense.

But it still feels more or less impossible. It's a very frightening prospect because I don't want anything to change what I have with her or to make her feel badly of me.

I need to tell her though. I need to, at some point, say that I feel really attracted to her in a physical way even though I'm a heterosexual female and I want to work with this and look at why these feelings are so incredibly intense, especially as it's not the first time I've felt like this about a woman.
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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 05:03 PM
  #2
If it's not the first time you've felt like this about a woman, maybe you're not heterosexual. It's ok if you're not, you know. I'm definitely not trying to define your sexuality for you - please just be careful that you aren't pathologizing sexual feelings towards women due to internalized homophobia. That would be an easy trap to fall into.

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 07:34 PM
  #3
I sympathise, having avoided having a therapist of the gender I'm attracted to.

For me, it would have taken the therapy down an unnecessarily distracting route.

But I've learned from this forum that love and attraction for a t can be useful. I can see now that, in some cases, the environment is a genuinely safe space to try things out / act things out / express strong emotions of all kinds. It sounds like you have that with your t.

I wouldn't worry about putting a label on anything. As Sussanahsays mentioned, keep an eye on not demonising any particular ways of being.

Just try it. You might like it! If not, try something else!
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 06:42 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
If it's not the first time you've felt like this about a woman, maybe you're not heterosexual. It's ok if you're not, you know. I'm definitely not trying to define your sexuality for you - please just be careful that you aren't pathologizing sexual feelings towards women due to internalized homophobia. That would be an easy trap to fall into.
Thanks for your reply. I really don't think I am gay OR homophobic - it's more the fact the last woman I felt like this about was also someone in perceived authority, so I think it's more a role model thing that becomes sexualised in my mind. I am definitely attracted to guys. I was just trying to work out why these feelings are so strong in this particular case, but there is a lot about her that I think I want to internalise in an emotional way.
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 06:44 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
I sympathise, having avoided having a therapist of the gender I'm attracted to.

For me, it would have taken the therapy down an unnecessarily distracting route.

But I've learned from this forum that love and attraction for a t can be useful. I can see now that, in some cases, the environment is a genuinely safe space to try things out / act things out / express strong emotions of all kinds. It sounds like you have that with your t.

I wouldn't worry about putting a label on anything. As Sussanahsays mentioned, keep an eye on not demonising any particular ways of being.

Just try it. You might like it! If not, try something else!
Thank you. I wouldn't say I'm attracted to women as a rule at all and have been in therapy with women before and not experienced this. I'm definitely attracted to men and had relationships with them. This feels like a different thing, I agree that the safety of the relationship can be a place to explore deep feelings and hopefully I can try to do that!
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 11:42 AM
  #6
Hi,

I wish you good luck and hope that you don't get hurt. It doesn't that your T is going to do it though, from the stuff that you write. You're pretty bold. I also get attracted with people on authority (all women). I wouldn't tell mine about that...but...I guess that she is aware. I mean, I told that I like her, yes. But, I haven't told her anything about desire, etc. Best wishes!
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 11:28 AM
  #7
I was able to tell her. I skirted around the sexual stuff a little bit but she completely got it. Telling her was actually a beautiful experience.

I feel that something has settled inside me a little bit now I've managed to tell her how deep and overwhelming my feelings for her are, and had them accepted and understood. I'm sure we will address them more over time and in different ways, but I got out what I've needed to say for a while.

I wish this was the case for everyone who is struggling with difficult (not necessarily sexual or romantic) feelings for a therapist.
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 05:30 PM
  #8
I'm so glad you were able to tell her and that she reacted well. I know what you mean about the settled feeling--I recall having that with ex-MC when I initially shared my feelings with him.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 07:12 AM
  #9
Thanks LT. These feelings can be so powerful can't they. After the awkwardness of telling my T her first response was that she knew, which made me think I'm more transparent than I think I am when it comes to these kinds of feelings, as long as T is open to them, which she was (and I knew she would be).
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