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Old 02-14-2020, 06:50 AM   #1
Rustyfinger
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Default Body language. Is it really a thing?

Hi, I wasn't sure of starting this thread here or at the Psychotherapy forum

What do you think about your T's body language? I didn't know that this was a thing until recently. A different T, that I was seeing for a time, told me about it

Last session, mine seemed a little impatient. She was sitting on a desk in front of me with arms crossed, her legs also crossed and her feet pointing away from me. When I was reading something to her, I looked at the ground. She was rocking her foot back and forward, as in "I can't wait for him to finish". I was talking and she cracked her fingers. I don't remember what I was telling her at that moment. I noticed and she, after that, caressed her fingers without cracking them. Also, she brushed her hair with her fingers. She usually does this 2 or 3 per session, but on this one, she was doing it more frequently.

I was googling up every gesture. To sum it up, all are negative gestures. I know that they can't be taken in a isolate way. There seems to be a cluster of them, from my point of view, at least.

I don't know what to think about it. Maybe she just had a long bad day. Maybe she finds to be a drag seeing me so late and wants to go home. Or she got tired of me. Especially, knowing how I feel about her. I'm not sleeping so well and I get tired after work, but I make an extra effort to attend my sessions. Maybe I'm just tired and looking too much into things.

Could she got tired of me? Maybe I should ask her what is happening? There are some days when I feel this " weird vibe" from her. I don't how to put it in words
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Old 02-14-2020, 11:22 AM   #2
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

I wouldn't read too much into what it says online about negative vs. positive gestures. It sounds like she might just be a generally fidgety person, which I am, too. And cracking fingers can just be a habit. Also, when I play with/brush my hair with my fingers, it's generally out of anxiety or sometimes sadness. Well, at times, seductiveness, I guess.

I've brought up my T's body language with him before, like one session where he had his arms crossed the whole time. He apologized and said to let him know if he does that again. He tends to be rather fidgety as well, playing with his fingers, occasionally with his beard or hair. But I'm also quite fidgety, so I wonder at times if it's just a subconscious (or conscious?) mirroring of me. Or if it's just how he naturally is. I'd talk to your T about it for sure. She may have just been having an off day, and it has nothing to do with you.
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Old 02-14-2020, 03:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

While you might be right that her body language is signaling impatience or maybe anxiety, there could be reasons for this that don't have anything to do with you. Maybe she needed to pee, maybe she had to do something after work that she was worried about. You should probably mention it to her, though, it will help to make her aware that you notice these things and have a reaction to them.
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Old 02-15-2020, 07:00 PM   #4
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

That's a tough one. I generally believe in following your gut. If your overall impression was that she was impatient, then she might have been. If she isn't usually like that, then I'd guess she had something personal going on which had nothing to do with you.

There is a caveat though. I've noticed with myself that I occasionally sense rejection in people when they aren't actually feeling that way. That's a symptom of my own history. I tend to be accurate if I sense someone is sad, mad, etc, but if I feel like I'm sensing that they dislike me or are going to leave me, there is a chance I'm just projecting my fears onto them.

I'd talk to your T about it. She might just offer up the reason and that would be reassuring. She might deny or lie about it. She might point out that she always does that and question if you're projecting something. I'd just go in open and curious and see what happens!
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

I used to place a lot of importance upon body language, but I don't as much now. After all, I would hate it if someone assumed I was being secretive or defensive when I cross my arms in front of my body, when the only reason I was doing it what because I was cold and thinking I should have worn warmer clothing.

But it's better to bring it up in therapy than to keep wondering whether her body language means anything, or not.
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Old Yesterday, 09:23 PM   #6
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I wouldn't read too much into what it says online about negative vs. positive gestures. It sounds like she might just be a generally fidgety person, which I am, too. And cracking fingers can just be a habit. Also, when I play with/brush my hair with my fingers, it's generally out of anxiety or sometimes sadness. Well, at times, seductiveness, I guess.

I've brought up my T's body language with him before, like one session where he had his arms crossed the whole time. He apologized and said to let him know if he does that again. He tends to be rather fidgety as well, playing with his fingers, occasionally with his beard or hair. But I'm also quite fidgety, so I wonder at times if it's just a subconscious (or conscious?) mirroring of me. Or if it's just how he naturally is. I'd talk to your T about it for sure. She may have just been having an off day, and it has nothing to do with you.
Thanks. I also am a fidgety person myself. I thought, more than once, "What must be going in her head, seeing doing this". I try to not look too much into the hair thing (when I'm more relaxed, it's easy) and she does it every session. If it were a positive gesture, It would mean a different kind of problem. The fingers thing caught my eye, cause was doing it just that one time
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Old Yesterday, 09:44 PM   #7
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Default Re: Body language. Is it really a thing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lpvid View Post
That's a tough one. I generally believe in following your gut. If your overall impression was that she was impatient, then she might have been. If she isn't usually like that, then I'd guess she had something personal going on which had nothing to do with you.

There is a caveat though. I've noticed with myself that I occasionally sense rejection in people when they aren't actually feeling that way. That's a symptom of my own history. I tend to be accurate if I sense someone is sad, mad, etc, but if I feel like I'm sensing that they dislike me or are going to leave me, there is a chance I'm just projecting my fears onto them.

I'd talk to your T about it. She might just offer up the reason and that would be reassuring. She might deny or lie about it. She might point out that she always does that and question if you're projecting something. I'd just go in open and curious and see what happens!

Hey, I do exactly the same thing: thinking that the other person dislikes me or is mad at me. It's one of the things that we are trying to workout. I carrying some guilt and I might be projecting my fear of my T being angry at me (thus the cracking fingers). This might be for opening a new thread but, during our previous session, I made a comment to my T that could be interpreted in more than a way: it was related to something said as example in previous sessions, a way of putting her on a position that i respect very much, AND...In a flirty way. The thing is "all three interpretations are right" I'm not accostumed to flirt, but I wanted to see a reaction. She blushed and rapidly. I embarrased her, I guees. Then, I'm gussing the became angry whemshe had time to thing

My gut tells me that she is offended by what I said. And...maybe, because of that, she wants to cut down our sessions. I don't know what to make of this. Thand
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