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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
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#41
I’m more confused than ever now because I ended up telling my psychiatrist the whole situation, and she didn’t seem alarmed at all. She she didn’t say it was ok or not ok, and said he might be using an approach that makes use of transference and countertransference. She also suggested I talk to him about my concerns. Now he’s said some more than what I’ve posted here. I don’t want to post it on this thread because I don’t want it to be out there forever, but I do really want feedback on it because I’m very confused, especially after my psychiatrist’s neutral response.
Could I send a list of the things he has said to anyone to get your opinion? Thank you to everyone who has given input so far regarding his previous disclosures. I would love to get opinions from people who have already chimed in along with anyone else who is willing. |
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LonesomeTonight, precaryous
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
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#42
I'm happy to read it if you want to pm me and will give you my perspective as best I can.
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SummerTime12
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
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#43
I will read a pm too. I think if it makes you uncomfortable, that's a problem.
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SummerTime12
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
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#44
I'm not impressed that your psychiatrist would apparently be on board with using sexual flattery as a therapeutic intervention. Did you tell her he said he has had sexual fantasies about you? I'm sorry, my mind is having trouble grasping how that could possibly be in your interests. I don't think it would be ok for a friend to say that to you, let alone a professional. It's like... sexual harassment or something.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
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#45
Summer, this T has invested deeply in your life, in helping you live. This happened with my T. He gradually loosened his boundaries for me, until he didnt recognize himself as a T. My heart is broken.
I worry for you he will go too far for himself, & there will be backlash when he is a good T for you & you need him. i think sometimes t's sincerely want to heal, and they end up giving too much. __________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12
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Location: Colorado
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#46
I wonder if it would be seen differently if you would insert employer, teacher, mentor, or next door neighbor instead of the word T. Would you be flattered or creeped ou? Somehow, Ts get a pass for saying these things that other professions do not.
It is wildly inappropriate and shocking that another T and psychiatrist is not alarmed by this. It is not a therapeutic technique. Your T is using poor judgment. |
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SummerTime12, susannahsays
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
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#47
Quote:
To be honest I’m not really sure why my psychiatrist reacted the way she did. Maybe she just didn’t want to scare me? I told her everything he’s said, from having fantasies to admitting that he’s thought of me while doing something sexual. It’s kinda crazy-making how different her response was from nearly everyone here. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Today I tried to talk to him about how my sexual feelings towards him are still there and bothering me, but I don’t feel like it helped at all. It’s like he doesn’t understand how distressing it is for me to want more with my therapist, while simultaneously needing him to remain safe. I feel like what I really need to tell him is that I think he messed up in sharing so much with me—but I’m terrified to do that. I also know it’s my fault because I asked him, so I can’t really complain. I know why he did it and I don’t think he had bad intentions. He wanted to model honesty and show that “thoughts are just thoughts,” and we aren’t bad for simply having thoughts. I don’t think I was in a good place emotionally to be able to handle hearing so much honesty from him though. It’s left me confused and made me question things a lot. I still trust him and don’t believe he would ever allow anything psychical to happen, but idk. I want to tell him this so bad, but then there’s part of me that doesn’t want to shut it down in case he shares more personal thoughts about me. I want to know more, even though I know I shouldn’t. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
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#48
Quote:
This actually sounds like it could be what’s happening, but in all other ways he holds boundaries firmly? And nothing inappropriate has come from what he’s shared with me, so I’m not sure how to feel. I’ve also still been able to talk to him about trauma and other sensitive things lately and not feel weird about it. If he was doing something wrong, wouldn’t I feel unsafe talking about sexual trauma with him? I’m so confused. |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
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#49
Quote:
No matter what this is NOT ok. Never. Never acceptable. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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SummerTime12
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#50
Idk, i think maybe context would be helpful here. There would be a big difference between the t having a fixation on the client, or simply admitting he enjoys an ever-changing imaginary cast of characters. "Do you ever think about me?" Sure - who doesnt think of an acquaintance! Yes, even then. Dont be so Victorian! ("Think of England!") The point is to get to whats hidden in the clients mind, not the ts mind. He may say whatever just to ferret it out. Hes not sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Hes trying to find what scares you and why.
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SummerTime12
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
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#51
Quote:
Oh I definitely don’t believe he’s fixated on me or anything. I think it’s more or less he enjoys me as a client and also finds me attractive. I’m confused by the last part though, are you saying he might be making these thoughts up just to see how I react, and not actually feel the way he’s telling me? |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#52
Quote:
My motto was, like what happens in vegas, stays in vegas? Only in therapy! It stays in the therapy room. It brings subconscious stuff out. You dont bring the Chippendales home with you. But maybe you learn something about yourself. |
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SummerTime12
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
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#53
Get out of this 'relationship'.
He is *not* being appropriate. There is a difference in using transference/counter-transference without breaking ethical boundaries (as it ought to be). He is not doing that. I am all for acknowledging clients' responsibility re what happens in therapy, however here it is on him. Yes, you asked questions but *he* ought to have upheld moral and ethical boundaries so as to make the therapeutic space 'safe'. It is *not* safe and he is not safe. PS: Your gut instincts are also giving you the same message (i.e. warning), please listen to your inner alarm bells. |
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LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12, susannahsays
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
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#54
I called 2 different Ts and left voicemails. I’m not sure why but I’m SUPER anxious about it. Now just waiting to hear back. Idk if this is the right move or not, but I figure if everyone here is telling me that what’s happening is not ok, I should listen and at least consult with a different T.
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ElectricManatee, JeannaF, LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SlumberKitty, toomanycats
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susannahsays
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