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Fhtaktak
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: Tehran, Iran
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Trig Mar 25, 2020 at 06:30 AM
  #1
Hello everyone,
last summer my ex-boyfriend committed suicide and unfortunately, he passed away, I was thinking about joining him so my friends made me see a tharapist.
I developed feelings for him almost immediately (I gs I was in a vulnerable state), I thought it's just a crush, and it will pass but it didn't, actually, it just got worse, and I'm SO scared to talk to him.
I was diagnosed with BPD (not sure if it has anything to do with it) but I'm scared that If I talk about my feelings, he will leave me, or he will ask questions about it (stupid questions that he always ask me like "why do you think you feel that way?") that I don't want to answer or don't even know how to answer.
I'm really lonely, fragile and broken right now, I can't take rejection because these sessions bring me joy, I feel better when I talk to him. but when I come home, I'm constantly thinking about him, and I can't tell him that, and the whole situation is just frustrating, I just can't describe how terrified I am when it comes to talking about my feelings. should I stop seeing my therapist?

p.s: English is not my first language so excuse me if there are any mistakes in my writing.

Last edited by atisketatasket; Mar 25, 2020 at 09:44 AM.. Reason: added triggers
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precaryous
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Default Mar 25, 2020 at 12:20 PM
  #2
Is he helping you?

Would you consider not telling him about your feelings? Then you won’t have to fear rejection.
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nicoleflynn
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Default Mar 26, 2020 at 07:01 AM
  #3
A good therapist will honor your feelings and welcome what you have to say. It is a normal reaction to develop feelings for a therapist. Sometimes your therapist is the first person who listened and validated you and that is powerful. Talking about feelings is difficult , but in order to heal it is necessary; therapy is hard work, but so important. You might want to write down your feelings (like keeping a journal) to figure out how or if you talk tohim about your feelings for him. If you feel that your feelings for him is causing a problem, getting in the way of your therapy, it may be important to tell him.
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StupidityTries
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 10:21 AM
  #4
Yeah, my personal experience from telling my T was so bad that I’m tempted to say don’t do it, but with some time I see that she just wasn’t trained and/or experienced enough to handle it properly. You can’t expect a therapist who doesn’t know you to help you, and your T will never know you if you can’t acknowledge what’s happening in your alliance. It’s part of the work. My T just blew it and I paid the price.
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MissUdy
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 04:11 PM
  #5
I’m not sure if this helps at all, but I imagined a relationship with my T for a while. I didn’t tell him how I felt because I was scared he would reject me, but Something biggish happened and the words just fell out of me. Of course, he rejected me in a romantic way, but it broke down the fantasy relationship I had with him. In a sense, it made our real relationship better...because telling the truth is such an intimate thing to do.
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Thanks for this!
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