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scarcejoy
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Default May 07, 2020 at 02:25 AM
  #1
I have this awful habit of going on my previous therapist’s social media every once in a while and seeing their pictures. If I like a picture, I take a screenshot and save it on a photo album inside the photos app on my phone. I look at the photo album whenever I think about her (which is every week). I love my previous therapist and seeing the pictures hurt because I love her but I can’t tell her and I can’t have her. It has been almost 2 years since our last session but I continue having trouble coping with her absence. I miss having someone caring about me and got concerned whenever something bad happened or when my depressive thoughts got really difficult. That woman got me. Despite all of my flaws, she saw me as someone who has potential in life and as someone who will go very far.

Whenever I see the photo album, I picture myself being in a romantic relationship with her. I fantasize about going on dates with her. I imagine myself getting my first kiss from her. I see myself marrying her. I hate it when I get these fantasies because I want to work on thinking less about her but having those clear photos of her make my fantasies clearer. I know that awful habit makes me look bad but it is a way for me to cope with her absence.
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Default May 07, 2020 at 05:17 AM
  #2
Your last sentence says a lot -'it is a way for me to cope with her absence'. You're still grieving for her and that's totally understandable given how important she clearly was to you and knowing how deeply she understood you. Nearly two years isn't actually that long when it comes to losing someone who mattered so much. As you say, looking at the photos helps you to hold onto her but sounds like you want to move on and it's preventing you from doing that?

I'm assuming that going back to see her isn't an option or you don't feel you need therapy now? Looking at the photos and having the fantasies show how important she still is and maybe over time as the grief becomes easier to deal with the need to look and to fantasise will get less bothersome. If they don't, it might be worth considering how you can use these very deep feelings and implement them in your life now. You fantasise about going on a date - could you start meeting people if you're not already in a relationship? Could you use the love you feel for her and work on caring for yourself and making a future for yourself? If you can distract yourself by focusing on other things the need to look at the photos may become less problematic.

I hope things start to feel easier very soon.
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Default May 07, 2020 at 10:16 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart View Post
Your last sentence says a lot -'it is a way for me to cope with her absence'. You're still grieving for her and that's totally understandable given how important she clearly was to you and knowing how deeply she understood you. Nearly two years isn't actually that long when it comes to losing someone who mattered so much. As you say, looking at the photos helps you to hold onto her but sounds like you want to move on and it's preventing you from doing that?

I'm assuming that going back to see her isn't an option or you don't feel you need therapy now? Looking at the photos and having the fantasies show how important she still is and maybe over time as the grief becomes easier to deal with the need to look and to fantasise will get less bothersome. If they don't, it might be worth considering how you can use these very deep feelings and implement them in your life now. You fantasise about going on a date - could you start meeting people if you're not already in a relationship? Could you use the love you feel for her and work on caring for yourself and making a future for yourself? If you can distract yourself by focusing on other things the need to look at the photos may become less problematic.

I hope things start to feel easier very soon.
I think the only way for me to lower the frequency of me constantly thinking about my previous therapist is to go on dates and eventually in a relationship. With this damn virus, that is not possible.
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Default May 08, 2020 at 05:38 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by scarcejoy View Post
I think the only way for me to lower the frequency of me constantly thinking about my previous therapist is to go on dates and eventually in a relationship. With this damn virus, that is not possible.
I get it. This virus has put paid to my relationship life as well. It's a lot harder to find things to do and distract when stuck at home. Just have to hope things get easier for everyone soon as far as that goes.
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Default May 11, 2020 at 05:43 PM
  #5
Maybe you need to talk it through with a new therapist? Sounds as though you still carry a lot of pain with you, about the relationship. It is so so hard at the moment, give yourself lots of compassion and empathy. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to right now.

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