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JBear34
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Default Sep 04, 2020 at 07:18 PM
  #1
After 7 years, Suddenly developed romantic feelings for my female therapist (I’m a heterosexual male). She was married when I started with her, but now I’m pretty sure she is recently divorced. The she mentioned she would be gone for ten days on a driving trip. I’m guessing it was a new man in her life. That’s when I became both jealous and attracted to her. I’m very jealous of the man, even though I can’t be totally sure he exists. I want to get over this crush. How..
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Default Sep 04, 2020 at 07:33 PM
  #2
OK, totally not the answer you want to hear but the fastest way s to talk to her about it.

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Default Sep 04, 2020 at 08:22 PM
  #3
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OK, totally not the answer you want to hear but the fastest way s to talk to her about it.
I actually have.
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Default Sep 05, 2020 at 06:37 AM
  #4
I've dealt with having romantic feelings for a T as well (in my case, my former marriage counselor, which made it particularly complicated). I know it can be difficult. I agree that talking about it with her is the best way to get through it. How has she responded when you've talked about it? Has she seemed open to talking about it or uncomfortable?
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Default Sep 05, 2020 at 10:18 AM
  #5
From your other thread it seems as though you'd realised your feelings are to do with what's missing in your own life and they're being projected onto your therapist? Are you still discussing all this with her? Unfortunately feelings rarely disappear overnight so if you're hoping for a quick fix to make them go away that probably won't happen. The only way through is to keep talking about your feelings and addressing what is missing from your life that is causing you to feel this way. Feelings often need to be accepted before they will go away so trying to get rid of them very rarely works. You're feeling this way for a reason, so as disconcerting as it may be, the best way forward is to go into them and see them for what they are.
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Default Sep 05, 2020 at 03:46 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I've dealt with having romantic feelings for a T as well (in my case, my former marriage counselor, which made it particularly complicated). I know it can be difficult. I agree that talking about it with her is the best way to get through it. How has she responded when you've talked about it? Has she seemed open to talking about it or uncomfortable?
She’s been good about it. The first time we talked, she told me she has issues in her life also. When I said I was jealous of her life, she said she lives a different life, but not necessary better. She did not respond, i.e. did not confirm or deny that she is divorced or that she has a new man in her life. (I told her I assumed she was separated or divorced because she is no longer wearing her engagement or wedding rings, and every time I’ve seen a married woman no longer wearing their rings, it turned out she was getting divorced). She said I was projecting on to her feelings from something else (my sexless marriage?). The next time we met, she started out by making it clear that we don’t talk about her life. This is my therapy. After that, she was good about talking with me about my transference issues. I’m now feeling a little bit of shame that I pried into her personal life.
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Default Sep 05, 2020 at 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart View Post
From your other thread it seems as though you'd realised your feelings are to do with what's missing in your own life and they're being projected onto your therapist? Are you still discussing all this with her? Unfortunately feelings rarely disappear overnight so if you're hoping for a quick fix to make them go away that probably won't happen. The only way through is to keep talking about your feelings and addressing what is missing from your life that is causing you to feel this way. Feelings often need to be accepted before they will go away so trying to get rid of them very rarely works. You're feeling this way for a reason, so as disconcerting as it may be, the best way forward is to go into them and see them for what they are.
I am talking to my therapist about this and it is helpful. My romantic feelings toward her are slowly fading as I work harder with my wife on our marriage.
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Default Sep 10, 2020 at 10:30 AM
  #8
Wow! I really miscalculated! Met with my therapist yesterday. I told her that I was feeling better and my feelings for her are beginning to fade. She told me that she is uncomfortable with my feelings, that I crossed a line, and was making the therapy about her rather than about me. I asked her if she had seen transference in other clients - I guess I was hoping she would say yes and tell me it is not uncommon. Instead, she said that she was not going to answer that question. Her demeanor was totally changed from what I had seen the previous seven-plus years I had been seeing her. She was cold, clearly uncomfortable, and distant. She said she could no longer provide good therapy for me. She, in effect, fired me as a client. This was quite devastating. Every thing I have read, including material written by therapists, said that I should talk about my feelings, and that a good therapist will handle transference well and try to find out what is really behind it. Not this therapist. So I guess she is not a good therapist. I think what she has done is deplorable and unprofessional. She made me out to be the bad guy who victimized her. She emailed me some names of other therapists I could see. But I’m not going to get referrals elsewhere, since the first thing I will discuss with my new therapist is the bad ending with my previous therapist. I don’t want to talk about my experience with someone who is acquainted with my previous therapist. I am in shock.
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