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iheartjacques
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iheartjacques Some days I just don't give a jack
 
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Default Nov 06, 2020 at 07:13 AM
  #1
It's been nearly 5 years that I've been single.

I had one guy ringing me up every day, I had red flags, why did I keep going? Because maybe reality is different to therapy.

But it's not really so different. I need someone to treat me with that kind positive supportive attitude. Someone who has my best interests at heart. Like the way I think about my kids. I want the best for them, and am always happy for them and excited about their futures.

So of course, this guy just bonked me and ghosted me.

So I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except that it's very difficult to be open to trusting anyone else out there, and any hope of a life partner who is that good to me, and I can be good to them, in the way I love and care for my friends and kids.
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Yaowen
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Default Nov 06, 2020 at 11:47 AM
  #2
Dear iheartjacques,

What happened to you is so heartbreaking. I wish I knew what to say to ease your pain. I think your thoughts and feelings are completely understandable.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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TeaVicar?
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TeaVicar? They're from M and S...
 
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Default Nov 10, 2020 at 05:13 PM
  #3
It's very hard to change the template, takes a long time and lots of mistakes. Also, it's not just you... why do men (in particular but not exclusively) behave this way? Doesn't it make you rage? I hope you find what you're looking for.

I've been wondering about whether therapy or the therapeutic relationship changes the 'template'. I think it's possible. I also sometimes wonder whether I've picked a therapist who falls into my standard/old way of relating. Maybe it's more likely that my self worth has been repaired enough to change my pattern, hopefully anyway. I still end up being drawn towards narcs or unrequited crushes.... so who knows. The dating scene looks dire, maybe better to get a dog?!?!

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susannahsays
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Default Nov 12, 2020 at 01:14 PM
  #4
I don't think I would use a therapist as a model for anything in my real life. In your specific scenario, setting yourself up to expect romantic partners to emulate a therapist seems risky. The person you describe as needing honestly sounds more like a parent than a romantic partner to me. I'm not saying that a partner shouldn't support you and all that, just that the way you describe it seems kind of one-sided, idealized, and like you're looking for a cheerleader rather than a partner.

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Thanks for this!
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