FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#1
I’ve been thinking about the serenity prayer lately... about accepting the things I cannot change... I’ve been having an especially hard time with this. Isn’t that true suffering though? It’s not the situations that cause us pain so much as it is our inability to accept them... right?
What has helped you with acceptance and letting go? |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous55879, Buffy01, CrT0811, Fuzzybear, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, seeker33, Travelinglady
|
Buffy01, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, mote.of.soul, seeker33
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,048
(SuperPoster!)
13 22.9k hugs
given |
#2
By realizing that by not accepting I am just making my life harder and making myself miserable and also by looking on the bright side of things and trying to find humor where I can
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous47864, Anonymous55879, Buffy01, CrT0811, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#3
It's hard to let go but we must try, even if it takes time. I struggle with that, as well
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous47864, Anonymous55879, Buffy01, katydid777
|
Buffy01, CrT0811
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#4
I try to see it through the eyes of someone who knows better than me about what's truly right for me. I try to see it basically through the eyes of a God of sorts... like, this had to happen for your own good, it is truly for the best, you will eventually see. Right now it hurts, and maybe even a LOT, but eventually, you will see that it was for your own good and to bring you to a better place in life. That's what helps me.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous47864, Anonymous55879, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
|
CrT0811, MickeyCheeky
|
Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 373
9 215 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
Expanding my state of awareness through engaging in inner-work... As my state of awareness expanded and changed - so did my manner of perceiving (and this changed my former mental/emotional responses to the same set of circumstances) __________________ "Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it" |
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
|
Buffy01, CrT0811, MickeyCheeky
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#6
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
katydid777, MickeyCheeky
|
MickeyCheeky
|
Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
5 1,520 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, CrT0811, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#8
Quote:
I understand this. Sometimes we get stuck in the same place and spin our wheels for a while. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
|
Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,930 hugs
given |
#9
This is tough. There are so many horrors done to abuse survivors that are unthinkable to face, much less accept. Sadly, though, that is where the work has to begin.
Those situations are parts of our realities, they are facts of our lives. That doesn't make them easier to face. If we can somehow muster up the courage to face them, accept them so we can get through them, the most amazing healing happens. We can truly begin to get those monstrosities behind us. They become part of our recovery past, the battle scars we all carry. I try to keep my sight on the healing and how I hope to help others like us who are looking for answers in their lives. If I can demonstrate how I got through mine, maybe one day, they can get through theirs. But only when they are ready. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, CrT0811, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
|
Buffy01, CrT0811, MickeyCheeky
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#10
((((Everyone)))) You're all very strong. You can do this.
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, katydid777, Mopey
|
Buffy01
|
Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 62
5 49 hugs
given |
#11
Letting go of pain, especially pain inflicted by those who are supposed to love us, including ourselves, is extremely difficult and if not done completely, can continue to cause us harm all our lives.
If anyone tells you they are burden free...run away! They are obviously not human and are going to zap you and plant a clone pod in your closet. That being said...here is what has helped me. I practice Mindfulness meditation and have slightly altered a Reiki mantra to help me stay centered. Ahem...here goes... Just for today; I will not look back into pain. Just for today; I will not look forward into worry. Just for today; I will project only loving energy to every living or “non” living (thing, creature, etc.) I encounter or touch. Just for today; I will find something beautiful in all things my senses touch. Just for today; I will be grateful for all the beauty around me. Just for today; I know I am OK. Just for today; I will forgive myself and others. Just for today; I am love. Just for today; I am brave. Just for today; I am safe. Just for today...I AM (insert whatever you want here. Depending on your daily goal) One day, minute, moment, at a time. |
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Soulfly
|
Buffy01, feeshee, katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Mopey, Soulfly
|
Magnate
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: georgia
Posts: 2,137
7 10.2k hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, KD1980, MickeyCheeky, Mopey, Soulfly
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#13
Quote:
I think time and distance are always helpful in the letting go process. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#14
One of the gifts I learned through sobriety is acceptance and forgiveness. I had always thought that forgiveness was for the person being forgiven, like it let them off the hook or that what they did was ok with me now, like it didnt matter. This always led to a perpetual state of resentment. Sure, I said I forgave them but the bitter poison of resentment wouldnt let me have peace or healing. I said the forgiveness words but did not really mean them. I learned (for me it took AA and getting sober YMMV) that forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you, it is for you. It is to give you peace. It is to let go of the resentments and the pain. It never makes what happened ok, it does not mean approval or even much understanding. It means that you have made peace with what has happened and have chosen to work on the trauma and healing that it involves so it doesnt poison you anymore. Resentments, revenge, jealousy, envy, bitterness; they are all toxic to your soul and peace of mind. By forgiving you are allowing yourself to be free of the hold that these feelings have over you. You are no longer allowing the person or persons involved to hijack your emotions. You are accepting that things happened in the past and you would like to move on. Moving on doesnt mean you have to resume a relationship with anyone. It doesnt mean you need to talk to them, deal with them or have them in your life. It just means you are willing to put all the bad emotions associated with these people aside and live your best life. Some people get to this point in therapy.
Not-so-Quick story..abusive Dad in many ways. I didnt even invite him to my wedding because I was pregnant (even though we were engaged) and my Dad insisted I should have an abortion so I wouldnt ruin my life. He said I would never finish college(I did, 1 year late) that I would end up in some low end job" beneath" me. When it was clear that I wouldnt have one he started pressing the issue of adoption. My husband and I met when we were 18 and got engaged when I was 19. Married when I was 20. Love at first site. When I got pregnant we just moved things up. So he wasnt invited to my wedding, but i got soft after my son was born and we resumed a relationship and it wasnt all bad. For once he saw I was a grown up and free of his control. When I was pregnant with my daughter in 1999 I began working for him in his office (he owned a graphic design biz). I did all sorts of odd jobs from his laundry to office work. He paid me pretty well. I learned more about what made him tick and it confirmed what I already knew.. he had a mental health issue. He would have been called 'manic depressive' in the old days. Feb 17, 2000 he came to see me and my daughter in the hospital after giving birth. March 9 was his birthday. I decided for his birthday I would write him a letter. In the letter I said I forgave him, that I understood him better. That I knew we had changed our relationship. ( being an adult helped) that I realized that he did not grown up with good parenting. I mailed it to another town on March 7. Early in the morning of March 9 he got my letter. I know this because he called his girlfriend crying about how touched and happy he was to receive it. That same day- his birthday- he had a massive heart attack and dropped dead in his driveway. He was 47, charming, fit, involved in hob nobbing, handsome; he did not look his age. A year before he had a stent from another heart attack which they said may have been due to an undiagnosed birth defect. He got my letter in a day and a half. He read it, and was moved. He died that morning. It was Kismet. If I had not written that letter I would never have had peace. He was a truly tortured soul who hated himself, abused drugs and alcohol ( an addict) but was functional. He did not love himself. I would never have forgiven myself if he had not gotten that letter. My long winded point is that forgiving him may have given him peace(enough to die?) but it was for me. It helped to say the things out loud that I felt and to be truly, gut level honest. I truly believe that he hated himself and was a victim of abuse as well and did not know how to parent. He did some horrible things-but I needed to put that to bed to move on. Now, I do not know if the gods were prompting me to write that letter, or if he was going to die and he had made peace with himself after that letter but it all adds up to something you would see in a movie. Forgiveness is for the forgiver. Acceptance does not mean approval. Conversation does not mean confrontation. Thanks for letting me share- hope it helps someone. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky, Velvet Lounger
|
MickeyCheeky, Velvet Lounger
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#15
Thank you so much for sharing, sarahsweets. I hope it will be helpful to someone. Sending many hugs to you
|
Reply With Quote |
sarahsweets
|
sarahsweets
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,533
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,711 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,533
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,711 hugs
given |
#17
[QUOTE=Travelinglady;6311898]By realizing that by not accepting I am just making my life harder and making myself miserable and also by looking on the bright side of things and trying to find humor where I can[/QUOTE
That is great advice! I never thought about looking at the situation like that. |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#18
[QUOTE=Buffy01;6408869]
Quote:
Truly the lack of acceptance causes me so much suffering. It’s so hard to let go. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: London
Posts: 1,741
5 182 hugs
given |
#19
Thank you, sarahsweets, for your sharing. You wrote so eloquently, and touched my heart and gave meaning to my broken life.
|
Reply With Quote |
sarahsweets
|
sarahsweets
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,533
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,711 hugs
given |
#20
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|