Need prayers please?

Thanks TunedOut for offering me some hope. I am so grief stricken and depressed right now and deeply disturbed by how badly my sister behaved this past Thursday that I am emotionally exhausted. My sister has been so dark and devious and demented that I am still struggling to process it all.

I have been having a hard time I keep seeing flashes of my sister's horrible mean face. When I saw the accounting the judge insisted she provide and all the cash withdrawls where she was taking so much money and blamed me for? I think about how I met my brother at my parents and their home stunk to high heaven and their refrigerator stunk SO BAD and when I opened it everything in it was moldy and bad. My father's teeth looked bad, all black at the gum line and when my brother and I tried to pitch in to take him to the dentist my sister found out and stopped us. My sister insisted only SHE can care for his health needs and she refused to address his teeth and there was no money ALL THE WHILE taking all this money. My father finally collapsed with pneumonia and I was banned from visiting him or talking to the doctors. I did plead with the nurse to PLEASE tell the doctor to look at my father's teeth. Bad teeth can weaken an elderly person and make them much more susceptible to getting pneumonia, it's a fact. It was SO HARD to see how much money she took and accused me of taking when there was no way I could have done that.

When I saw all my parents belongings, and things missing? Ugh....she is again stealing anything she finds of value. And yet she stops me at the door insisting I not bring my handbag in? She coerced my parents into setting up their Will and Trust that gave her literally all the power over them and their money. I could never do any of this, it's horrifying. And my effort to fight back comes out of whatever is left that would go to me and my older brother while SHE continues to take from whatever is left.

I don't know what you call this kind of person, a person who can be so manipulative and cold and calculating and mean, so damn mean.

I just feel sick and I get these flashes and struggle to believe and process it all. I think I am still in shock. I get these chills and pain and I just want to crawl up in a ball under the covers with the heat blowing on me.

I think people tend to accuse others of the things that they themselves are guilty of. IMO people who obtain wealth at the expense of others will not enjoy it in the same way that people do who come about it honestly. Do you and your brother think it is worth it to continue to fight? I wonder what the feelings of sickness and flashes are telling you? I will keep praying for you. One of the things I am praying for is that you find things to do that give you joy and peace.

My very challenged area mentally and emotionally is and always has been getting deeply upset when a person or animal I care about and respect is being hurt or abused. I really struggled to understand how anyone could gain pleasure by hurting another human being or animal. I simply don't possess whatever it is in the brain that gains pleasure and sense of empowerment by hurting and breaking another person or animal down into some kind of helpless submission. I never really embraced this theme of "superior" either. I think people waste too much effort and time on striving for some kind of "superior" status. When people engage in abusing, cheating, shunning, neglecting, manipulating, controlling and lying and using they get further and further from being any kind of "superior". I do not see anything superior in putting another person down in order to feel some kind of "superior". I think a lot of people genuinely have little to no understanding of how to "respect" other people and animals.

I find it much more rewarding to discover what is a positive in another person and help that person see it themselves and have them walk away feeling empowered than to have another person walk away feeling bad or defeated and weak or hurt or powerless.

One of my favorite movies was the Animated one called Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. And the reason I loved it was because of how it conveyed how each character deserved to be respected for whatever they had that was different about them instead of having to be the same as everyone else. I find that human beings embrace the "you are not good enough" mentality too easily to the point where it's cruel and disrespectful and down right abusive.

Recently I saw a lot of clips where individuals who constantly practice hating Trump decided to point out all the words he mis-spelled. Yet, for someone like me who has literally spent YEARS trying to help both my husband and my child TRY to spell despite their challenge with dyslexia that genuinely creates a challenge for them when it comes to being able to spell, I find it more offensive and thoughtless to pick on something that is a challenge to MANY human beings. Suddenly it's ok if you are attacking someone you don't like though right? Yet, in using that example suddenly a lot of individuals will be turned off to me thinking I support him in some way, when that's not my point at all.

People are always responding to me with statements of "it doesn't matter why OE, you focus too much on the why instead of ignoring etc.". I ALWAYS wanted to know "why" when it came to observing people behave badly or different. Thank GOD I am not the only one like that and other people made it a point to understand the "why" and their research ended up explaining something crucial to what I needed to understand so I could help my dyslexic child learn and grow despite her dyslexia. I had grown up seeing the alternative where I witnessed my older brother constantly punished and abused and regarded as a bad child when instead he needed help and guidance so he could overcome his learning disabilities. Truth is, he was far from stupid, he just learned differently. Because people wanted to know the "why" when it came to the challenges dyslexia presents, I learned that my own child actually had a very high IQ, it's just that she learned differently. Once that is RESPECTED and the child gets the right help, they can be extremely productive. However, the one thing that did challenge my child was the stigma she faced. "You have that thing wrong with you so we don't want to play with you". It's terrible how so many people embrace being that way towards others.

I honestly think people can be dumb. I think this entire racism thing is dumb. When someone's skin color is darker all it means is they come from an area where they developed this skin color in order to handle the environment they come from. It means their skin evolved a way to help the person be better protected from how strong the sun is in that environment, darker to prevent the person from getting too much Vitamin D and to also help them from suffering from sun burn. When someone is very fair skinned, it's simply how over time their bodies changed due to the environment where there was less sun and their skin needed to be lighter so they could absorb more vitamin D. Yet, people with white skin are always trying to darken their skin and people with dark skin try to lighten their skin color. People can be mean and toxic no matter what skin color they happen to have. Yet, after all this time and having answers to some important "whys", people still embrace "stigmatizing".

What IS perfect? There is NO perfect human being, never was and never will be. Someone graduates "best in class", does that really mean that person is THE BEST? I don't see it that way AT ALL. Maybe they happened to do well at reading and writing and tests. Yet, what about the person who has dyslexia that learned to excel despite that challenge? Who is better really? Is one more entitled than the other? Well, that is what was taught in my generation. Well, one of the things I have noticed in my life is a tremendous lack of ability to respect. It definitely hit me hard, contributed to my having a hard time feeling "safe" in my life. I did survive living through a lot of dysfunction and trauma before I even had the capacity to understand what that meant.

I remember just being grateful that I survived the day, I remember feeling that way throughout my entire childhood. Yet, one thing I never expected was how all that history made me very susceptible to developing this condition that I suffer from called "ptsd". This condition has forced me to see things about myself that I felt at times but did not know why I felt these things.

One day when I went to visit my mother, when it was too late for me to change what was to come that would get more and more toxic for me, she looked at me and said, "You have to be careful OE, your sister is VERY jealous of you and wants to hurt you". I was really taken back by that and I said, "Oh, no mother, that's not true". She said, "Oh yes it is and she has been jealous of you since you were very little too". When she said that I felt devastated to be honest. I said to her, "What does she have to be jealous of about ME?" And thats when she said, "OE, you have always been sweet and kind and caring and friendly and good natured with people and your sister could never be that way". I was stunned because I had always felt my sister was prettier than me and even smarter than me and I never even thought someone could be jealous of someone who is friendly and nice like that. I wanted to love her and was nice to her and that turned out to be the very thing about me she hated and was jealous of.

She sent such a mean text at one point in all this mess when she was being so mean to me. She said "I have been waiting FOR YEARS". A shock went through me going all the way back to when I was just so little and I realized she hated and was jealous of me even then. I did not know what it was, but I felt it. My sister has chosen to hurt me in ways I could not imagine, there is nothing I have in me that I would EVER choose to do the things she has chosen to do. The amount of effort my sister has put into practicing things hoping for me to react so she could say I am a bad person is just unbelievable. The way she insisted on invading me and preventing me from even having time alone with my dying parents to express my love and say goodbye was unbelievably cold and hate filled. It's totally beyond me how anyone can gain any gratification from how toxic and mean she has been. My parents gradual decline was more of an opportunity for her to profit from whatever they had. She even said how she wanted to take the money from the sale of their second home and put it in her name so she could pay others to care for them. When she said that she was hard and COLD.

I watched both my parents FEAR her, fear her like two helpless children. My sister wanted to make the judge and lawyers think it was me that took all the money SHE took herself. She did the same thing with my parents who began to question the control she was given in their Will too. My sister manipulated both my parents to think I stold from them and what I noticed in the accounting was SHE was already taking from them at the time.

I just can't think that dark and cold and calculating. One of the things I had wanted was to be able to visit my parent's home and sit and grieve them. As I mentioned, there are no graves, nothing left of them but their home and I felt loved and welcomed there and there things in that home that were me like the paintings I did that they hung on their walls and enjoyed. I did get inside, my heart ached to have that, it was important to me, very important. Yet, she made it UGLY and it would have been even worse had my older brother not been there. I ended up going into a full on flashback of being that very terrified child inside of me. I was shaking so bad and my entire body hurt. What kind of person would enjoy causing someone to experience that? I don't even know how my body survived that one, it was horrible. The one thing that helped was that my older brother came rushing up from the basement and he was warm and kind and it helped me come out of it. As I mentioned, my brother had to go outside and ask the police officers three times to tell my sister to stop harassing me.

I don't know, maybe that very frightened child part of me needed to have that happen to make up for not having that happen when I was so little. One thing I do know is that my entire body is sore from experiencing that. Like being electrocuted. Perhaps, that is why I tried to be a comforting presence for others in my life, why I respected their "need for comfort" so much. My sister set it all up for "drama" to upset me and intimidate me and that's not anything I would or could ever think to do. All she did was show how horrible she can be in front of everyone that was there including the police officers.

I have tried to share how bad she can be, I have gotten replies of "just ignore, don't give her power, don't allow etc." I have even had someone say "she would not bother me" yet I have seen how she has caused others to be disturbed. I have met some nasty people in my life, but she is the worst. I have seen nurses and staff and all kinds of people, including the nice woman who bought the house next door to my parents that they owned, express "your sister is one mean person" to me and I noticed they all have shiver when they say that about her recalling their encounter with her, yes she is a scary person.

I am sorry about all you have been through Open Eyes. I just said a prayer for you.

I believe we were placed in our family of origin for a reason. I believe that we are challenged to help us grow.

In my case, I think I had to go through a dark period in order to be humbled and learn to trust more in the divine.

Once this sad chapter of your life is over, you will go on to better things. Your parents spirits will be there to watch over you. Try not be afraid. Your kindness in this life means that good karma is on your side. I truly believe the angels see and will watch over you.

Abraham Hicks - How To Soothe Yourself In A Time Of Stress
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