Seeking help

lilacsnow · Oct 24, 2020 at 05:38 AM

I've withdrawn from a spiritual belief a number of times, but all my friends are devoted to the same belief and whilst I've been really grateful for their care and friendship I'm facing up to the fact that they have always persuaded me back.

I cant talk about the belief further here without breaking the rules.

Has anyone else been in this difficult ,to say the least, situation?

I have mental health issues too which have been improving but I dont work so I'm rather isolated.

Thunder Bow · Oct 24, 2020 at 11:56 AM

It is all about Control. Best to withdraw.

lilacsnow · Oct 24, 2020 at 12:33 PM

Thanks for your reply @Thunder Bow, I'd like to learn more about this if possible. I hadnt thought of it like that.

I was thinking that they and I had all been indoctrinated and so the default position for most people is to cling to the belief. Sorry if this is a silly question, but please can you explain more about why others might seek to exert control over me expressing doubts or dissent?

I tend to have a live and let live approach and just let people go if they want to move on to explore other things and hope we can still stay on good terms. But I'm sensing that people may start saying some hostile things if I persist in saying i dont believe the same way anymore.

lilacsnow · Oct 24, 2020 at 01:36 PM

I realise there is a side of me that may be rather naive -i just dont get group dynamics and conflict in relationships sometimes.

RoxanneToto · Oct 24, 2020 at 02:40 PM

I think they want to keep you in the same beliefs because they feel threatened by alternative viewpoints and they strongly feel what they believe in is the truth; if their beliefs were challenged or toppled, it would likely lead to an identity crisis and everything they thought they knew being turned on its head, among other things. Some people become very lost after that happens, though others come to terms with it faster. It’s a painful process, regardless

Thunder Bow · Oct 25, 2020 at 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

Thanks for your reply @Thunder Bow, I'd like to learn more about this if possible. I hadnt thought of it like that.

I was thinking that they and I had all been indoctrinated and so the default position for most people is to cling to the belief. Sorry if this is a silly question, but please can you explain more about why others might seek to exert control over me expressing doubts or dissent?

I tend to have a live and let live approach and just let people go if they want to move on to explore other things and hope we can still stay on good terms. But I'm sensing that people may start saying some hostile things if I persist in saying i dont believe the same way anymore.

What you are seeing is just more bullying. Bullying is all about getting attention control.

will19 · Oct 26, 2020 at 10:38 AM

I'm sorry if this comes on as a dumb question; what spiritual group do you go to?

ShaneG · Oct 26, 2020 at 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

I've withdrawn from a spiritual belief a number of times, but all my friends are devoted to the same belief and whilst I've been really grateful for their care and friendship I'm facing up to the fact that they have always persuaded me back.

I cant talk about the belief further here without breaking the rules.

Has anyone else been in this difficult ,to say the least, situation?

I have mental health issues too which have been improving but I dont work so I'm rather isolated.

this is how cults operate be very aware!

88Butterfly88 · Oct 27, 2020 at 10:36 PM

My advice is to follow your own beliefs regardless of what your friends think. You need to be true to yourself.

lilacsnow · Oct 30, 2020 at 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by will19

I'm sorry if this comes on as a dumb question; what spiritual group do you go to?

It's a religious group so I'd be against the rules to say any more.

To be honest I'm not totally clear where the boundaries between a religious belief and a spiritual belief are. I'm also not sure what spirituality looks like without religion.

lilacsnow · Oct 30, 2020 at 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

What you are seeing is just more bullying. Bullying is all about getting attention control.

Thanks for your reply. I never saw it like that but it can be quite pressured through guilt, shame and disapproval. I guess I just have to accept that the belief in the deity they hold is much more important than their relationship with me and that's the boundary they've drawn.

lilacsnow · Oct 30, 2020 at 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

My advice is to follow your own beliefs regardless of what your friends think. You need to be true to yourself.

Thank you!! If only I was more sure of my beliefs! I'd like to learn more about what spirituality is.

will19 · Oct 30, 2020 at 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

It's a religious group so I'd be against the rules to say any more.

To be honest I'm not totally clear where the boundaries between a religious belief and a spiritual belief are. I'm also not sure what spirituality looks like without religion.

Many decades ago I got into a church (I'm a Protestant-Christian) that was not a denomination they said they were. When I first went there I got recruited by a "discipler". He wanted me to move out of living alone and into his house with other single guys who were going to that church. I turned it down and he, along with others, pressured me to change my mind. I didn't give in and we parted. As we parted, they said, "I don't love God."

I don't know if that's been your experience. After I had left, my life didn't go the way I wanted it to. There were times when I wondered if leaving that church may have been the reason. If you leave something that's like a cult, that can happen after you leave. Well, anyways, a few years later, my life got better.

WastingAsparagus · Oct 31, 2020 at 10:06 AM

I once had this sort of thing happen to me. I decided to just stay true to what I believed. Your beliefs are your own. I don't think I would ever give up my own beliefs to follow someone else's idea of what I should believe. I hope this is helpful.

lilacsnow · Oct 31, 2020 at 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

Thanks for your reply. I never saw it like that but it can be quite pressured through guilt, shame and disapproval. I guess I just have to accept that the belief in the deity they hold is much more important than their relationship with me and that's the boundary they've drawn.

This is difficult in a way to acknowledge but I now think I was wrong to write this. The fact of the matter is that I was thinking that others were at fault but I think the fault has been mine for thinking that of them.

Years ago I did experience an unhelpful situation but that was then.

Sorry for posting when I had things wrong. Thanks to people who shared meaning to help. I still need to process how this happened.

Fuzzybear · Nov 02, 2020 at 12:30 AM

I'm sending kind thoughts. Maybe posting here (or journaling?) will help you to process what happened, and how this happened. I do not think you're alone in having experienced something like this.

lilacsnow · Nov 02, 2020 at 11:23 AM

Hi Fuzzybear, thank you. That was very kind of you to write after I put what I'd done.

To explain a bit more...faith has proved to be really important to me but when I've been very stressed my recall of the highlights and positives has been very poor and I was struggling. I hadnt seen or heard from anyone for a while. Combine all that with trauma etc and as you can see somehow i ended up posting the op. making assumptions about why I hadnt heard from people without speaking to them about it directly etc

I really need to learn from this....having others to bounce things off to get a healthier perspective seems essential at times.

Thank you to all for being here and sorry again for the meltdown. I think there were some valid points made. I do need to be clearer with myself about my beliefs rather than running when theres a problem.

Fuzzybear · Nov 04, 2020 at 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

Hi Fuzzybear, thank you. That was very kind of you to write after I put what I'd done.

To explain a bit more...faith has proved to be really important to me but when I've been very stressed my recall of the highlights and positives has been very poor and I was struggling. I hadnt seen or heard from anyone for a while. Combine all that with trauma etc and as you can see somehow i ended up posting the op. making assumptions about why I hadnt heard from people without speaking to them about it directly etc

I really need to learn from this....having others to bounce things off to get a healthier perspective seems essential at times.

Thank you to all for being here and sorry again for the meltdown. I think there were some valid points made. I do need to be clearer with myself about my beliefs rather than running when theres a problem.

I don't think anyone here is judging you for a ''meltdown''... I think that's one of the good things about pc, people are safe to express how they are feeling without someone else calling them names.

I agree, having others to bounce things off is very helpful to most humans.

Prycejosh1987 · Dec 03, 2020 at 01:44 PM

I also have faith and also have mental issues. Faith can be a good journey if you invest in it personally. You have to stop relying on people, and be self motivated and spiritually independent.

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Thunder Bow Elder Member Since Sep 2012 Location: Arizona Posts: 5,630 11 3 hugs given	Oct 24, 2020 at 11:56 AM #2 It is all about Control. Best to withdraw. __________________ www.lightningthunderbow.com
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lilacsnow Member Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Europe Posts: 90 6 87 hugs given	Oct 24, 2020 at 01:36 PM #4 I realise there is a side of me that may be rather naive -i just dont get group dynamics and conflict in relationships sometimes.
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will19 Grand Magnate Member Since Oct 2012 Posts: 3,616 11 1,101 hugs given	Oct 26, 2020 at 10:38 AM #7 I'm sorry if this comes on as a dumb question; what spiritual group do you go to?
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88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,190 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Oct 27, 2020 at 10:36 PM #9 My advice is to follow your own beliefs regardless of what your friends think. You need to be true to yourself.
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WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,658 10 2,911 hugs given	Oct 31, 2020 at 10:06 AM #14 I once had this sort of thing happen to me. I decided to just stay true to what I believed. Your beliefs are your own. I don't think I would ever give up my own beliefs to follow someone else's idea of what I should believe. I hope this is helpful. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Nov 02, 2020 at 12:30 AM #16 I'm sending kind thoughts. Maybe posting here (or journaling?) will help you to process what happened, and how this happened. I do not think you're alone in having experienced something like this. __________________
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Prycejosh1987 Member Member Since Jul 2020 Location: UK Posts: 368 3	Dec 03, 2020 at 01:44 PM #19 I also have faith and also have mental issues. Faith can be a good journey if you invest in it personally. You have to stop relying on people, and be self motivated and spiritually independent.
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