Lost my faith and regained belief

I'm not sure if this appropriate, I feel I need to share. I grew up Catholic, but wasn't into the regular traditions after I had my children. Anyway, in my faith there has always been the nagging doubt about priest. They even made the movie "Doubt" with Merryel Streep. I finally get confirmation, and since I have always associated my beliefs with God, their goes my faith.

At 18, I began to be more spiritual anyway, but I didn't realize how hard it was to let go of something, and why when it was something I never really knew about. Then life hits me, and it keeps hitting me hard, harder, and when I think it can't get harder, it does. I couldn't blame it in something I no longer believe in, so I blame myself.

One day, I realize I'm floating. I am literally floating. Because of what I was going through, U didn't want to live, let alone get up, and walk anywhere, but I did, and I absolutely did not feel like myself. At the time I let this be. After so many signs, I realize, I'm not only floating, I'm being carried

Have you ever read the poem "Footprints in the Sand"? I know how and why I felt the way I did. I realize that religion didn't make God, and man created religion, it is not of God, but every right has one thing in common - they all believe in a higher power, a supreme force, something grander then us human beings...

I love that poem. It came into my life when I was reconnecting to my love for God. I loved God when I was a child, and was really close to my Granny who had changed dominations, and had a lot to do with her church, but church wasn't so important to her as love and kindness.
I was convinced at quite a young age (mainly by my atheistic parents) that theism is unintelligent and self deceptive. I found it really hard to say "God" for most of my life, because I was so badly shamed for believing. I practiced surrender as part of a twelve step programme, and called my higher power "the greater scheme"...I always thought "My Lord", and once "Almighty Censura". I think that (emotionally/psychologically) when we give up trying to control our survival, and let ourselves feel our pain, then we get peace from nagging habits, and can enjoy a more peaceful simple life.
I don't know whether we all can love God, and some of us just forget how, or if not everyone can. I don't know why I do, but it's the only thing that ALWAYS brings me peace and strength

That is so true about giving "it to God" or "leaving it in God's hands" does truly help through the painful experiences we have had. I also think it's our pride of always wanting to have control of our lives rather than someone/thing we can't see to have it that make us take our lives back into our own hands. It's still uneasy to associate God to religion and people associate God with taking their loved ones, or putting them in difficult situations. God is not of this earth, yet we are connected to him.... I could go on forever.

This should be the beginning of a great future and Godly life. Best of wishes.