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Default May 21, 2016 at 12:43 AM
  #61
Thanks for caring, y'all. My T said to go to the hospital if I get worse. He said he could see me Monday, but I didn't say yes or no, so not sure about that. I already have a scheduled appointment with my PDoc on Tuesday. Apparently, my body is prepared to sleep until then. I'm more tired than usual and slept most of Friday. I've been awake less than 4 hours and am feeling sleepy already.
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Default May 21, 2016 at 05:59 PM
  #62
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Thanks for caring, y'all. My T said to go to the hospital if I get worse. He said he could see me Monday, but I didn't say yes or no, so not sure about that. I already have a scheduled appointment with my PDoc on Tuesday. Apparently, my body is prepared to sleep until then. I'm more tired than usual and slept most of Friday. I've been awake less than 4 hours and am feeling sleepy already.
How are you doing now?
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Default May 21, 2016 at 10:19 PM
  #63
Feeling raw, if that makes sense. It's been a week now. My dog has been a grounding point for me, though I never realized just how much until now. My mind keeps reaching out for her (in our bedroom) and I don't even realize it until my brain realizes she's not here. I've just been so used to her being a couple feet away. The worst part is where my mind goes when I think of her being outside alone. I have to shut that down quickly. I can't find a reason to get out of bed.
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Default May 22, 2016 at 03:23 AM
  #64
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Feeling raw, if that makes sense. It's been a week now. My dog has been a grounding point for me, though I never realized just how much until now. My mind keeps reaching out for her (in our bedroom) and I don't even realize it until my brain realizes she's not here. I've just been so used to her being a couple feet away. The worst part is where my mind goes when I think of her being outside alone. I have to shut that down quickly. I can't find a reason to get out of bed.
Yes, raw makes a lot of sense. I still feel raw over my cat dying and that was almost 20 years ago.

I wonder if a cat could be a friend for you now. Did you know that there's something about cat's purring that strengthens our bones? It's true. That's why cats purr when they have their own bones to heal and mend.

I think every older person should have a cat, for that reason alone. Excellent natural strengthening for osteoporosis. I don't know if I can get a cat due to allergies/COPD. But unless you have serious possible allergies.. there's no reason you can't try it for a few days. Maybe be a foster mom for an overflowing shelter?

I know it's the last thing you want to hear or think about, but it's something you really could benefit from. And something poor little kitties could benefit from too.
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Default May 22, 2016 at 04:23 AM
  #65
Gah, the shorts on TCM were that horrible police training video on how to handle catching a "disturbed" person ("who have feelings of pain, just like one of us") and an anti pornography video that manages to show every centerfold for dozens of porn mags.

These things embarrass me for having been alive when they were made.
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Default May 22, 2016 at 04:56 PM
  #66
Speaking of which, i had to call my mother awhile ago (so that I won't feel horrible guilt at some point in the future). She calls my psychosis"being excitable". There aren't any teachable moments in my family.

Now there are loud angry voices outside and the asshole downstairs turned the karaoke up. I don't think anyone would have understood that he feeds the words in, and then they use the resulting music to drive me insane. I know they have an amplifier but no one else does.
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Default May 22, 2016 at 05:05 PM
  #67
Angelique, I'm sorry about your cat. And your asshole neighbors.

I'm very allergic to cats. Thanks for the suggestion, though
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Default May 22, 2016 at 05:20 PM
  #68
Well, now the asshole told the ringleader (the janitor) what I said on the phone. They're laughing because there's no one to get in their way now. (Friend left for Europe last night.)

And I can use earplugs, but the janitor has a special fondness for poisoning me with fumes (they come up through a hole in the wall - big hole) like paint thinner, etc. I don't know if I'll survive the next few weeks.
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Default May 23, 2016 at 07:16 AM
  #69
I want to subscribe to this thread.
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Default May 23, 2016 at 12:12 PM
  #70
Trigger, abuse.

Possible trigger:

Last edited by Angelique67; May 23, 2016 at 12:25 PM..
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Default May 23, 2016 at 12:25 PM
  #71
I didn't even do that right. I hope it works now and I'm even sorrier now.
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Default May 23, 2016 at 01:08 PM
  #72
More abuse trigger.
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Default May 23, 2016 at 06:19 PM
  #73
More abuse. Setting up a new trick.

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Default May 25, 2016 at 10:29 AM
  #74
I've been feeling low the past couple days. I also can't focus for ****.
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Default May 25, 2016 at 10:54 AM
  #75
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I've been feeling low the past couple days. I also can't focus for ****.
I hope you'll feel a lot better soon.
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Default May 27, 2016 at 05:39 PM
  #76
Big hugs going out to Angelique having such a hard time. I have been off the forums for a couple of months at least due to SZA and paranoia being really bad. I'm sorry I have not been here to offer you support.

I am going to try to be here more so my friends can have a listening ear with some support. I can't make any promises right now other than to do the best I can, because I am doing bad. My disability is extended through January 15 so at least I don't have to worry about that for a while.

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Current meds: 30 mg Haldol, 10 mg Lexapro, 100 mg Lamictal, 0.5 mg Klonopin PRN
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Default May 27, 2016 at 06:55 PM
  #77
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Big hugs going out to Angelique having such a hard time. I have been off the forums for a couple of months at least due to SZA and paranoia being really bad. I'm sorry I have not been here to offer you support.

I am going to try to be here more so my friends can have a listening ear with some support. I can't make any promises right now other than to do the best I can, because I am doing bad. My disability is extended through January 15 so at least I don't have to worry about that for a while.
Thank you so much for the hugs! I'm not sure if I'll ever go outside again now that I'm petrified of the long staircase here.

I wondered where you went. I'm sorry things have been worse. If there's anything I can do please let me know.
((((((((Shmooey))))))))
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Default May 28, 2016 at 10:21 AM
  #78
Best wishes, Angelique and Shmooey. Sending pleasant thoughts your way today... I was awake the entire night last night and I'm still going strong. Hopefully there won't be any really negative repercussions. Everything seems to go to ruin once my sleep gets interrupted.

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Default May 28, 2016 at 11:59 AM
  #79
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Best wishes, Angelique and Shmooey. Sending pleasant thoughts your way today... I was awake the entire night last night and I'm still going strong. Hopefully there won't be any really negative repercussions. Everything seems to go to ruin once my sleep gets interrupted.

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Thank you phoenix31! I hope you'll be able to sleep without interruptions the next time you try. Sending good thoughts to you, too, and gentle hugs, if that's OK.

I slept straight to noon today. I was up half the night with restless leg. I don't even know what time it was when I finally got to sleep. I don't want to switch meds again. I hardly ever had restless leg on the Abilify. Maybe that's a ray of hope that not every ap will do that to me if I do have to switch meds again. :/
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Default Jun 01, 2016 at 11:18 PM
  #80
I hate how my brain feels. Mental necrosis. It hurts so bad inside. It's all tears and black clouds and yelling and screaming. I need a hug so bad. My body is in really bad shape, too. I no longer have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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