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Member Since Jul 2018
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#1
Hey hey...
I'm just curious. I struggle with hanging on to a sense of identity. I'm constantly trying to figure out who I am and what I like. When I do get a sense of this it feels oh so fragile. Sometimes I feel like I may have ADD. I flit from one sense of identity and likes to another. Is there a term for this? I'm diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder depressive type and GAD. I'm wanting to get ptsd added as well. I know with my past childhood trauma I wasn't able to develop a healthy sense of self. |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: United States
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#2
I am not too good with medical terminology. All that comes to mind is "dissociative identity disorder" but you'd have to look into it, I'm not sure it's correct or even correct at all. It's just a word that comes to mind from your description, I'm not saying I'd even call you that.
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Legendary
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#3
I think with dissociative identity disorder, the person is fragmented into multiple personalities. It's what used to be called "multiple personality disorder." I'm not sure cptsd is suffering from this, although it is possible.
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#4
Hmm, thank you for the feedback. I know that when experiencing ongoing trauma people can dissociate from it. I'm learning that's definitely what I would do. Many times it was the only way to escape the trauma. That might be one of the reasons I have the appearance of calm a lot. I somehow disconnect from how I feel and the situation. I've noticed that I don't really know how I'm supposed to react to situations anymore (example I don't always know when something is supposed to be cause for anger and how to express anger in a healthy way).
I looked up depersonalization, and I know I've experienced that. I'm wondering if I would fit somewhere on the dissociative disorder spectrum. |
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Legendary
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#5
I have depersonalizations sometimes too. Could be my PTSD idk but I do get it.
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cptsdwhoa
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#6
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HALLIEBETH87
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Christopher1990
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#7
I get existential crisis. Which kind of fits into how you feel about yourself in this world. Like what's this all for. A lot has to do with ego and loss of ego.
With me its like I have nothing left to hang on to. Whatever I'm trying to hang onto doesn't matter. I worked so hard to be someone or something and I don't know where that person has gone. After each episode I lose a great deal of character. My whole identity is forced to change and I can never go back. The only thing to do is move forward. I know I have some ptsd from these hospitals and a stay at jail. I just seem to try and not think about it but this can't be healthy. I have nighmarres almost every night and sometimes wake up in cold sweats thinking I'm still locked up in a hole. Good topic |
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Wise Elder
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#8
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but I can give you some normal names for this.... examples.....(please keep in mind I am not saying these are you, this is just a general list of things that I know are completely normal life situations where people question their self and their likes and dislikes) puberty growing pains, school of hard knocks 7 year itch mid life crisis peri menopause menopause post menopause someone who has had someone they know die or get into an accident can also cause a person to question their self, their life and what and who they are, teens about to graduate high school go through this too..... my own experiences on this Im a lesbian. I have met many lgbq's who have questioned who they are as a person and what kinds of things they like, my own children are constantly changing who and what they are based on their own preferences, taste buds, movie they saw. one told me a week ago he is an astronaut in disguise and this morning he says he is a fireman, to morrow he may decide he is just a kid who likes to play with a variety of toys. one says they are a computer programmer because they do their school work on the computer. one likes broccoli one cant stand hot dogs,.... my point there are many many completely normal reasons why a person would question who they are and what kinds of things they like to do, eat, and so on. but if this continues to bother you maybe you can contact your treatment providers who can diagnose this directly in you as it relates to you. |
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cptsdwhoa
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#9
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I understand losing that sense of character. I would tell people and treatment providers about how I didn't know who I was anymore. I had no skills, hobbies, or life. I'm slowing rediscovering much of myself thank God. Wow, I'm just giving you a big virtual hug if that's okay . I'm hoping that you can work through that trauma and heal. I worry about how my brother will be when he's released. I can't imagine what jail/prison must be like. |
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Christopher1990
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#10
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Thanks so much for this! I'm glad that this can actually be quite normal. If I can remember that then maybe I can be a little gentler with myself. I think I'm mostly concerned about how identity factors into having an existential crisis (or a few honestly, if you'll see my reply to Christopher1990). It was like, one minute I was a little more sure of myself and the next poof gone. Perhaps I was never really all that sure. Well, honestly, I KNOW that I was really never all that sure. |
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amandalouise
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#11
I'm glad to have learned more about this because I get this too.
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#12
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Veteran Member
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#13
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: Somewhere in the 1990s
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#14
The GAD was changed to PTSD (of which Cptsd fits me most). I've started thereapy and we will dig more into recovery from my Cptsd symptoms. Thanks everyone for your replies.
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Seeker of Life
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#15
If you have C-PTSD, you might want to check about Identity Disturbance
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Take the Sanity Test and it will be helpful to guiding you to a good start. __________________ "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell" (My girlfriend had this ringtone for my phone calls...lol) Bipolar 1 Anxiety Current Medications: Lorazepam Zoloft Abilify Gabapentin |
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