[PorridgeBrain]

Yo. Anyone else here been struggling with inability to trust, yourself and other people? Let's put it like this: you were abused psychologically both home and school when you were young. You developed schizoaffective tendencies but regardless of it, ended up trying to connect again with people. Finding yourself in abusive situations and relationships once again. And you start wondering, if it's your brain, cognitive impairment affecting your judgement of other people, or whether other people are lying to you constantly just because they spot you are an easy target for abuse. How do you cope or recover from this? Even more so, how do you keep yourself motivated to live, when you have to struggle with such issues everyday.

Like those feelings you might never have anyone to trust, although withdrawal from absolutely all contact with other people just makes you more unstable, even while resentment is justified at this point. Even if you wanted some social contact, everyone is able to lie and therefore asking ouside opinion to balance your own cognitive impairment (especially in critical situations) might end up into more abusive situations rather than getting support until you have developed yourself more. And feelings you might never be as competent as other people, you may not chase a career you feel passionate about but being homestuck makes you feel inferior towards other people and unmotivated to participate society at all -> destructive behavior worsens. But I don't want to be hospitalized anymore for letting my issues go out of control. I just want to maintain control over my damn life (like everyone else) without having to give up independence (which is everyone's right). Is there a way to help myself to improve my cognitive functioning? Without having to obsess about "how to think correctly" or becoming a slave to the society where meaningfulness and authenticity are disregarded.

[Skeezyks]

Hello PorridgeBrain: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Unfortunately, I don't know as there is much of anything I can suggest with regard to your concerns, although I certainly can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote. (I'm quite certain many PC members can.) I think the concerns you have are the sorts of things people typically see therapists for. However reading & replying to posts, here on PC, may also help you to gain some perspective on how to develop the skills you want to develop & become the type of person you want to be.

You mentioned developing schizoaffective tendencies. There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the topic of schizoaffective disorder. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/schi...tive-disorder/

Here are links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may be of some help with beginning to figure out how to move forward. This looks like a lot of reading! But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it may appear:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...op-self-trust/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dysfu...tional-family/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dysfu...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindf...rust-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-promote-trust/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapi...cept-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...-others-think/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learni...ys-to-move-on/

My best wishes to you...

[neodoering]

Originally Posted by PorridgeBrain

Yo. Anyone else here been struggling with inability to trust, yourself and other people? Let's put it like this: you were abused psychologically both home and school when you were young. You developed schizoaffective tendencies but regardless of it, ended up trying to connect again with people. Finding yourself in abusive situations and relationships once again. And you start wondering, if it's your brain, cognitive impairment affecting your judgement of other people, or whether other people are lying to you constantly just because they spot you are an easy target for abuse. How do you cope or recover from this? Even more so, how do you keep yourself motivated to live, when you have to struggle with such issues everyday.

Like those feelings you might never have anyone to trust, although withdrawal from absolutely all contact with other people just makes you more unstable, even while resentment is justified at this point. Even if you wanted some social contact, everyone is able to lie and therefore asking ouside opinion to balance your own cognitive impairment (especially in critical situations) might end up into more abusive situations rather than getting support until you have developed yourself more. And feelings you might never be as competent as other people, you may not chase a career you feel passionate about but being homestuck makes you feel inferior towards other people and unmotivated to participate society at all -> destructive behavior worsens. But I don't want to be hospitalized anymore for letting my issues go out of control. I just want to maintain control over my damn life (like everyone else) without having to give up independence (which is everyone's right). Is there a way to help myself to improve my cognitive functioning? Without having to obsess about "how to think correctly" or becoming a slave to the society where meaningfulness and authenticity are disregarded.

I'd say, cut down the number of people you socialize with every day and stick with the people who give back as much attention as you give them. I have severe symptoms, but I have managed to hold a few friendships together; these are people I see regularly, maybe once or twice a month. And of course you can call your friends and send emails, too. These tactics have helped me maintain my feelings of having a life worth living.

Best of luck to you as you navigate the SZA waters!