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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: Malta
Posts: 37
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#1
I don't know whether to commit myself
My wife is away and she is my rock. She keeps me from abusing drink and benzos. She is away and I'm unsure whether I may do something stupid like kill myself. I'm scared of getting committed I have a mild opioid habit as well as a high tolerance for benzos and hypnotics. I went through a months rx of them in a night because of the voices. I never slept more than two hours. I'm at a loss what to do. I use drink also. I just bought a large bottle of vodka in the morning so I can sleep through it. It sounds so ****ed up but only my wife can keep me grounded. It's taken her to the point she wants to be with me more bc shes scared ill do something. I can't be alone without her to deal with the voices. She deserves better. I wasnt always like this. Im not the man she marrief. I don't know whether to commit myself and save her from my crap. She's supported me through years of heroin abuse and benzos abuse it's insane. She loves me. I love her but i can't get through a moment of the voices without abusing something to sleep. This has made her miserable and totally alone. We had a whirlwind romance that was beautiful and a marriage that was sublime. Now we struggle to talk because I'm in my head. The helpline said go to the main hospital but I'm scared with the opioid tolerance and much more. She can't take it any longer. I don't know if I belong in an institution for this or I should stick around for my wife. I love her. She's moved heaven and earth to to try and make my mental health better. However she is growing very weary at it despite me loving me so much as does she. That's the only reason she hasn't kicked me to the kurb. Its ****ed. I'm going to hurt the person I love the much either way. The voices tell me to plunge a knife in my heart or they're coming to get me. Yesterday they were saying you have enough to kill yourself but I wanted to, to some extent but wanted go see the next morning, i just wanted get through the next hour or few asleeep Please help. She doesn't deserve this. She's done nothing but support me even when I was sane and broke. And nothing but support me through three commitals and two suicide attempts. Last edited by GattoNegro; Apr 21, 2019 at 03:07 AM.. |
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Breaking Dawn, HALLIEBETH87, Misery Business, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
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#2
It's been a couple of days now since you posted this. Perhaps your situation has changed? I'm sorry you were / are feeling so desperate. I'm not a mental health professional. So I can only offer my own personal opinion with regard to what to do. It does sound, from what you wrote, that you were / are in a fragile state & are in need of professional care. Yes, as you said, there is going to be some hurt for your wife either way. But, as you wrote, she is growing weary; and you are potentially in danger. So my personal non-professional thinking, with regard to this, is that the best alternative would be for you to reach out in real life for professional help. Please take care. My best wishes to you...
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn, HALLIEBETH87
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New Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Morocco
Posts: 4
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#3
Hello! I hope you’re feeling better. I don’t know what to say but your post broke my heart. I thought about committing when I was eleven. I was so young, alone, anxious, afraid, depressed and filled with self hate. I thought about committing even before knowing that it was forbidden in my religion to take my own life. But I couldn’t do it because I loved my parents that much. I couldn’t break their hearts. Knowing that they will never recover after. So I stepped back.
Today, I’m a young woman who’s still depressed but i try to have faith that the future will be better and brighter because everyone of us deserve that kind of happiness. This thing that’s called depression made me realize that there is nothing more important in the world than happiness and the peace of a mind. I’m still suffering but I’m still hoping for a better tomorrow. I really hope that you’ll do the same. In your worst moments think of your wife and the better future that you two will have. We just need someone, a shoulder to cry on, a hug, someone to understand us and you have that. You have her she’s your friend, the love of your life, your rock. Don’t give up on her, on your future, and most importantly don’t give up on yourself. Seek help and do what ever it takes to make it work bcs we’re here for a reason. |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
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#4
I hope you went to the hospital you need the help they offer. You won't be there forever, it will benefit you.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2010
Location: U.S.
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#5
Have you ever taken antipsychotics?
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Senior Chat Moderator
Member Since May 2012
Location: Michigan, USA
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#6
please seek help if you haven't yet. I remember the first time someone realized i heard voices, i was 10 . Because it was in the 70s there was no help for children they couldn't even treat u beyond talk therapy. When i was 19 i was hospitalized and started medication, but that was also before atypicals were available so it was thorazine and haldol for me. They added valium later. As harsh as that treatment is it helped me .
Today i am still on APs, but seroquel and geodon. I hear voices everyday but i can deal with them so much better than before. From what i can tell most ppl can have the voices resolved if they stay on their meds and seek help when they need it. Life can get better! hugs to everyone with psychosis, tams __________________ Tams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0 YOU LAUGH BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT, I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL THE SAME Don't only practice your Art, But force your way through into its secrets, For it and Knowledge can Raise men to the Divine. Beethoven |
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bpforever1, Breaking Dawn, Soulfly
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bpforever1, Breaking Dawn
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catches the flowers
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#7
How are you doing?
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