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Old 04-21-2019, 02:50 AM #1
GattoNegro GattoNegro is offline
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Default Hearing voices

I don't know whether to commit myself
My wife is away and she is my rock. She keeps me from abusing drink and benzos. She is away and I'm unsure whether I may do something stupid like kill myself. I'm scared of getting committed I have a mild opioid habit as well as a high tolerance for benzos and hypnotics. I went through a months rx of them in a night because of the voices. I never slept more than two hours. I'm at a loss what to do. I use drink also. I just bought a large bottle of vodka in the morning so I can sleep through it. It sounds so ****ed up but only my wife can keep me grounded. It's taken her to the point she wants to be with me more bc shes scared ill do something. I can't be alone without her to deal with the voices. She deserves better. I wasnt always like this. Im not the man she marrief.

I don't know whether to commit myself and save her from my crap. She's supported me through years of heroin abuse and benzos abuse it's insane. She loves me. I love her but i can't get through a moment of the voices without abusing something to sleep. This has made her miserable and totally alone. We had a whirlwind romance that was beautiful and a marriage that was sublime. Now we struggle to talk because I'm in my head.


The helpline said go to the main hospital but I'm scared with the opioid tolerance and much more. She can't take it any longer. I don't know if I belong in an institution for this or I should stick around for my wife. I love her. She's moved heaven and earth to to try and make my mental health better. However she is growing very weary at it despite me loving me so much as does she. That's the only reason she hasn't kicked me to the kurb.

Its ****ed. I'm going to hurt the person I love the much either way. The voices tell me to plunge a knife in my heart or they're coming to get me. Yesterday they were saying you have enough to kill yourself but I wanted to, to some extent but wanted go see the next morning, i just wanted get through the next hour or few asleeep

Please help. She doesn't deserve this. She's done nothing but support me even when I was sane and broke. And nothing but support me through three commitals and two suicide attempts.

Last edited by GattoNegro; 04-21-2019 at 03:07 AM.
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Old 04-23-2019, 02:01 PM #2
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Default Re: Hearing voices

It's been a couple of days now since you posted this. Perhaps your situation has changed? I'm sorry you were / are feeling so desperate. I'm not a mental health professional. So I can only offer my own personal opinion with regard to what to do. It does sound, from what you wrote, that you were / are in a fragile state & are in need of professional care. Yes, as you said, there is going to be some hurt for your wife either way. But, as you wrote, she is growing weary; and you are potentially in danger. So my personal non-professional thinking, with regard to this, is that the best alternative would be for you to reach out in real life for professional help. Please take care. My best wishes to you...
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