[DudeAlex]

Recently I stopped a compulsive habit. So far, it has been about five days and I am going strong. I am also working on quitting caffeine and biting/picking. In the past, I quit marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol, so I am confident that I can quit these as well. Three down, three to go! Each time I quit a habit, the next one gets easier.

My schizoaffective disorder itself is basically under control. My moods sometimes get high, but I have not had any psychosis for years now. I am very grateful for this.

[bpforever1]

I feel a whole lot better after feeling burnt out this morning and afternoon. I slept for about 12 hours. I did not want to do anything. But, I got up and started cleaning the apartment again. I vacuumed, cleaned the toilet, and am washing my clothes. Life continues. I feel ok but was really wasted for awhile. I work six days a week and need the day off to recuperate. I only work about 20 hours a week but still get exhausted and stressed. I am doing ok again. I will cut down my hours though if I continually feel burnt out. My health and mental stability come first, not my job. So, I need to balance my work with my life. I will be ok. Life is not as grand but it is doable still.

[Breaking Dawn]

I am doing all right. I wish I had a little more energy for all the things I need & want to do. I did some reading this morning about equilibrium in the human body, because I've been doing a lot of thinking about how everything seems to seek this special balance, & if it isn't there, things seem to not function as well. For instance, if we are all work & no play, we can end up with an illness of some sort, physical or mental, or both. So anyway, I sense this need in myself for balance, for physical, mental, & spiritual things, things for general health & for the spirit.

[Deilla]

I started my day feeling sad, but I am doing better now. It's raining and I have my slider open. The temperature is 75 F. It feels nice. The cats love the rain. They are sitting by the window. I talked with my stepmom this morning. We had a good conversation. She is the only person that talks to me. I usually call her on Sunday. My day is a good one.

[Deilla]

I'm lonely tonight and bored. I went to bed at 2 pm today cause I was sad. Now I'm awake and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I no longer have a therapist. Normally I would post in my online room. But this last therapist I had was difficult to connect with. I've had a lot of trouble finding an online therapist, so I cancelled my account and asked for a refund. I used to check in with several friends each day. But only a few remain. Some have just vanished. Some don't feel well. I hope wherever they are they are doing Okay. I grow more and more lonely every day. I have no support from my family and the one good therapist I had, moved away.

I think today I will try to read some inspirational material. I wish I could connect with my spirit guide. That would be some form of companionship. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. But I do know that a lot of people feel lonely. Especially now with this pandemic.

[Breaking Dawn]

I feel sad for you, @Deilla. Maybe when this pandemic is over you can get out there & make some new friends, volunteering or a yoga class or a book club, etc. Maybe you can use your guided imagery to plan for that time when things are back to normal. Hugs & love!

[Deilla]

Thank you! I found another therapist. I hope this one works out. Therapy is the only support for me. So I'm really glad I found another person. I'll try to be patient with the process and tell myself that relationships, even therapeutic ones, take time.

[bpforever1]

The company cut my hours but I am still working about 20 hours a week. I feel ok because there was a holiday this week and had two days off. Life is not too bad. I was really tired this morning after doing my shift then took a long afternoon nap. I feel better now. I drank some coffee too which is nice. I stopped drinking coffee for awhile but now am drinking it again. I love coffee!! It really perks me up. I am feeling a whole lot better because of drinking coffee and doing my makeup. I joined a language exchange group which meets daily. I like it. Sometimes, I talk and am happy I can converse at a decent level in another language. I feel wonderful. At times, I am lonely but the language group is rather fun and has kept me preoccupied besides my work. I walked around yesterday but a typhoon is here so I need to stay inside. I feel okay and am grateful for my life, health, and job. I believe, I can survive as long as I take my medication.

[Deilla]

I am doing a lot better this afternoon. I decided to do something about a few health problems. So I'm glad that's working out. I just have to be patient. Things take time. I wish there was a magic pill to fix it all. Maybe in 20 years there will be.

[bpforever1]

There is a contract employee position available at my company. I applied for it. I will see what happens. It would be nice to receive benefits and become a permanent employee at a company. I am hoping for the best. I am really happy about the opportunities coming my way!! But, we shall see!! Life is a charm sometimes.

[Breaking Dawn]

@bpforever1, I have my fingers crossed for you.

[SlumberKitty]

8 months since I was in IP!

[Deilla]

My online therapist didn't respond today. I don't know what her schedule is like or anything. It's the weekend now. I'm concerned I may not get a response until late Monday. By then it will be too late. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety today. It would have been nice to get some support. I just have to lower my expectations and accept that I have no support. I don't want to take on a victim role. There are things I can do. I can find another therapist. But I will give this until mid next week to decide. But I really must let everything go. I'm tired of being disappointed every single day.

[bpforever1]

Life is ok. I slept most of the day. I feel rejuvenated. I have two more classes then will attend a language exchange meeting. I am doing ok.

Life could be worse. My brother is trying to pull me down again by telling me how bad the economy is in my country meaning there is not much of a future here. He is such an ***. Well, the economy is bad everywhere now. Duh! I know I am lucky and blessed to have a job. He is so negative and mean. I don't know how he lives with himself. All he does is talk badly about others. Unfortunately, he is not doing well himself. I realize I can't let him pull me down as he has in the past. I really can't stand the sight of him. My mother overprotected him,. He stays at home and does not pay rent. My mother says she can't kick him out without him having a decent job. Whatever!! He will never have a job or any job!! He keeps making fun of my illness and says he is not ill like me. Well, if you are not ill, then why aren't you working? He helps my father he says with the business but he does more harm than good. I wish I had a more loving family. But, he is the bane to my existence. Having a brother who wants the worst for me is really sad to accept but this is my reality. I hate to say this, but I hope he just disappears from my life for good. Nothing good has come from him. What a sad statement!
I do think my parents did something wrong with raising him but he is an adult now. He has to realize this. But, my parents enable him so there is no hope for him.

On a lighter note, I feel ok so life is not bad. I will survive and do my best!

[Breaking Dawn]

I am dealing with some things off & on, but I feel very fortunate to have many blessings. Today I have a nutritious meal planned & I hope to follow through on at least one of my important goals.

[Deilla]

I'm trying to feel better about everything. I may sleep a lot today. I'm not really sure what else I can do. I'm tired of all the disappointments. It's my fault though. I need a better attitude. I need to withdraw. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm here again. I am doing fine.

[Deilla]

I found a new therapist. She messaged me on her day off. I thought that was nice. That's much better than not responding. She says she responds 5 days a week, twice a day. That's her goal. She works M - F. So I feel good about that. I think this will work out.

[Breaking Dawn]

Yay, @Deilla! So good to hear! Celebrate with a cup of coffee?

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Yay, @Deilla! So good to hear! Celebrate with a cup of coffee?

Cheers! Thanks so much for all the support! I hope everyone has a wonderful day today!!