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Amalgamation
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Help Dec 07, 2019 at 05:11 AM
  #1
Hello!
I've been newly diagnosed "Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Edition", and I've been a little nervous to talk to anyone about it. I am receiving help, and am fairly capable of handling myself so I'm not afraid on that front. My psychiatrist says that I'm very good at managing myself, and that I was employing reframing therapy on my own already. I'm looking for long term treatment therapeutically for my experiences, but it still feels so unreal.

I don't hear voices, but I sense presences (Often malicious), and experience really intense and vivid, almost intrusive imagery in my head? I've spent a fair amount of my life feeling bugs all over my body (I thought it was normal, so I didn't talk to anybody about it. That's a whole story to explain.), but more recently it's gotten really bad (I lived in an apartment for a year that was infested with bugs and had to sleep in a bed which was infested and it was just, a lot to deal with. It made me realize the sensations were completely indiscernible from the real thing.) which sparked me reaching out for help. The doctor approved me to try my plan for care (Talk-therapy first, and if that doesn't alleviate the bug sensations, then I'll try medicine.), but it still just feels weird to use the term "Schizoaffective Disorder". I always figured that you had to actually physically SEE and HEAR the hallucinations to be diagnosed with that kind of thing. The sensations of bugs are really vivid, though, so that part makes sense. I also experience delusions of grandure (Where I feel in my lil' heart of hearts that I'm a creature from outside of this reality, or that I'm famous, ect..) and delusions of paranoia where I think everyone around me hates me/is disgusted by me if they aren't explicitly being positive towards me. Even so, I know cognitively that the experiences aren't real, and it's just very exhausting emotionally. It's like I've been strapped into a ride and even though I know I won't fall off, the twists and turns still feel like I'm gonna fall off, and one part of my brain is trying to tell the other to stop screaming about it. You know? I think the bipolar portion of the diagnosis is because I sometimes have restless spells of activity where I can't, for the life of me, sleep. My brain has to Do The Thing and I end up just kind of stuck inside the passenger seat making plans to keep it from wrecking my general schedule.

I guess what I'd like to ask is, was anyone else surprised to get the diagnosis? Was anyone else worried about trying to talk to other people about it? I have some solid people I'm comfortable talking about it with, and I have reached out to my circle, but it's not really a diagnosis I want to shout to the rooftops. Does my experience sound like the real deal, or is it possible that what I'm experiencing isn't Schizoaffective? I'm going to get a second opinion from my therapist when I get one (Already sent the email to my doctor, so I'm on top of my treatment plan.), but it still feels weird. I know it shows up differently for everyone, and it won't look the same way in two different people, but a lot of resources mention hearing voices, and I just don't hear voices. I've been reading up on it.

Also, it's nice to meet everyone!
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sophiebunny
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 03:31 PM
  #2
Psychiatrists are the best judge of psychotic disorders. They have far more experience dealing with all types of psychosis than therapists do. Go with your MD. He's the expert.
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 07:04 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amalgamation View Post
Hello!
I've been newly diagnosed "Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Edition", and I've been a little nervous to talk to anyone about it. I am receiving help, and am fairly capable of handling myself so I'm not afraid on that front. My psychiatrist says that I'm very good at managing myself, and that I was employing reframing therapy on my own already. I'm looking for long term treatment therapeutically for my experiences, but it still feels so unreal.

I don't hear voices, but I sense presences (Often malicious), and experience really intense and vivid, almost intrusive imagery in my head? I've spent a fair amount of my life feeling bugs all over my body (I thought it was normal, so I didn't talk to anybody about it. That's a whole story to explain.), but more recently it's gotten really bad (I lived in an apartment for a year that was infested with bugs and had to sleep in a bed which was infested and it was just, a lot to deal with. It made me realize the sensations were completely indiscernible from the real thing.) which sparked me reaching out for help. The doctor approved me to try my plan for care (Talk-therapy first, and if that doesn't alleviate the bug sensations, then I'll try medicine.), but it still just feels weird to use the term "Schizoaffective Disorder". I always figured that you had to actually physically SEE and HEAR the hallucinations to be diagnosed with that kind of thing. The sensations of bugs are really vivid, though, so that part makes sense. I also experience delusions of grandure (Where I feel in my lil' heart of hearts that I'm a creature from outside of this reality, or that I'm famous, ect..) and delusions of paranoia where I think everyone around me hates me/is disgusted by me if they aren't explicitly being positive towards me. Even so, I know cognitively that the experiences aren't real, and it's just very exhausting emotionally. It's like I've been strapped into a ride and even though I know I won't fall off, the twists and turns still feel like I'm gonna fall off, and one part of my brain is trying to tell the other to stop screaming about it. You know? I think the bipolar portion of the diagnosis is because I sometimes have restless spells of activity where I can't, for the life of me, sleep. My brain has to Do The Thing and I end up just kind of stuck inside the passenger seat making plans to keep it from wrecking my general schedule.

I guess what I'd like to ask is, was anyone else surprised to get the diagnosis? Was anyone else worried about trying to talk to other people about it? I have some solid people I'm comfortable talking about it with, and I have reached out to my circle, but it's not really a diagnosis I want to shout to the rooftops. Does my experience sound like the real deal, or is it possible that what I'm experiencing isn't Schizoaffective? I'm going to get a second opinion from my therapist when I get one (Already sent the email to my doctor, so I'm on top of my treatment plan.), but it still feels weird. I know it shows up differently for everyone, and it won't look the same way in two different people, but a lot of resources mention hearing voices, and I just don't hear voices. I've been reading up on it.

Also, it's nice to meet everyone!

I have schizoaffective disorder yet I don't hear voices.

I do experience extreme paranoia and delusions from time to time though.

The symptoms can vary from person to person.

Be well!
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 11:24 PM
  #4
I don't hear voices. loud muttering at times. Like you're at a loud party but can't really hear anything. I always equated it to a migraine until I was on an anti psychotic for other reasons. I get the bug sensation and the everyone hates me paranoia. I was diagnosed (still am) with bipolar for years. The only one that knows my diagnosis changed IRL is my husband and treatment team. Everyone else knows I have bipolar. I was not surprised when I was told they (dx team) tried to brace me for the dx but I knew what I was walking into.

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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 11:11 PM
  #5
My pdoc still has me dxd as Bipolar with psychotic features but my psychologist says it’s more likely schizoaffective bipolar type because I get psychosis symptoms even when not in mood episodes.

Either way-thentreatment helps me

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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 07:33 PM
  #6
I'm waiting to hear Dr. W. say "schizoaffective" any day. That is - I expect it.

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Seqoya
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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 11:38 PM
  #7
I have Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type along with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with Dissociative Features and other anxiety problems. The Dissociative Features are not the same thing as Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. The dissociative features cause my mind to try to go somewhere else because it can't cope with what happened.

I understand being nervous with a new diagnosis. And hallucinations can be hearing things, seeing things, feeling things, or even smelling things that are not there. Am I understanding you correctly that you feel things that are not there?

Also, you don't have to have full-blown schizophrenia with schizoaffective disorder but prominent elements.

Welcome to the forums. You seem like a strong person.
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Default Dec 29, 2019 at 12:25 PM
  #8
I forgot to mention that I'm in therapy and take meds.

Lithium
Rexulti
Lexapro
Trazodone
Clonazepam
Prazosin (High Blood Pressure Med for Nightmares)
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 02:35 AM
  #9
I don't want to doubt your doctor's opinion when I have never met you, as I am not a professional — just someone who suffers from the same disorder.
I wasn't surprised by my diagnosis at all, as I hear voices and self diagnosed myself as bipolar before I even visited a doctor. This was all when I was 14. Everything will turn out okay if you continue to seek help. If you're seeking help at all, that's a wonderful sign and says a lot about the severity and possible prognosis of your illness.
I wish you the best!
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Default Jan 06, 2020 at 09:13 PM
  #10
Sorry to hear about your issues. I have also been diagnosed as Schizoaffective. I hear voices, but in a kind of way where I would walk by someone or a group of people and "hear" their conversations and they are always menacing.

I have the idea sometimes that the tv is sending me signals, or that I can control what happens, say in a sporting event. Also I have the horrible issue where people can put thoughts in my head. No physical sensations, but a lot of paranoia and huge delusions of grandeur.

I was actually happy to hear my diagnosis because it meant there was something amiss and I could do something about it. I still have relapses and the illness pops it's head out with little symptoms here and there. I am pretty much stable and have been for about 5 years.
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