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Old 02-12-2020, 10:59 PM   #1
Nix
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Default Thoughts on being formerly suicidal

Hello all,

I haven't posted here in a long time, and I'm not even sure who frequents this forum as of late. But something happened tonight that made me want to share it with others.

I remembered that about 2 years ago I had made a video with each of my children. At the time I was very seriously suicidal--probably the worst I had been ever. I wanted to make a video with each kid so they would have something to remember me by and know that their mom did love and care about them. Looking back on the old videos, I can remember what I felt like at that time, and it was strange to see even from my facial expressions and physical appearance how ill I was.

My kids and I thought it would be fun to make another video with each of them, so we did that tonight. It was really cool tonight to have some time making videos with my kids where we laughed and shared new memories and moments together. I have been depressed and struggling at times lately, but I feel so grateful that I managed to make it through two years, and that my kids are generally OK and I'm still here to see them growing up.

I just wanted to share that in case anybody here is struggling right now. Sometimes it's worth it to hang on even though you feel like you barely can.
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Old 02-13-2020, 11:52 AM   #2
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Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Nix. I think it is so important to never give up hope because there is always the possibility that things can get better. Things looked pretty bleak for me for about 10 years, but I sure am glad that I didn't give up back then.
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Old 02-19-2020, 02:04 PM   #3
Nix
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Default Re: Thoughts on being formerly suicidal

I don't really feel like I have hope that things will get better, but I feel like sometimes I can manage to find moments of beauty or happiness in life that make it worth wanting to stick around and not end everything. It is strange, because most people would identify their reasons to live as really big things, but often when I am the most depressed, I find that it's strangely small things that tip the balance in favor of staying alive a while longer.
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Old 02-22-2020, 06:59 AM   #4
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I am so grateful that you have made it through these incredibly trying times, nix. Awesome job!!!! I know your kids are grateful, too!!
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