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Question Aug 02, 2011 at 02:15 PM
  #1
Hello everyone,

I don't usually post in this section, (I may have once or twice quite a while ago), but something is troubling me. Or perhaps the right thing to say is, something is not troubling me, and for that reason it somewhat troubles me.

I'll start by saying I have not been formerly diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. I have been told by a few mental health professionals that I have schizoid personality disorder "tendencies" or "symptoms", but not the full-blown disorder. Here are my "tendencies" or "symptoms":

-I don't crave a romantic or sexual relationship at all (I label myself as an asexual)
-I am only close to a few select family members, no friendships
-I prefer to do things on my own, and typically only socialize when those select few family members ask me to (however, I do enjoy spending time with them)
-I enjoy few things, and also don't enjoy trying new things
-I tend to seem less emotional than others...it is harder for me to feel sympathy or empathy (for example, tragic news events don't affect me at all)

The reason for my post is...I realize that most people do enjoy friendships and relationships, socializing and different activities, and it seems to give them a more well-rounded life. My therapist has also suggested I should "get out there", so to speak. Part of me wonders if I should force myself to do these things...but a bigger part of me thinks I should just stay as I am and live life as I currently do.

Any responses would be appreciated, but I'd especially like to hear from anybody with SPD. Thank you for reading.
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mkpleco
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Default Aug 03, 2011 at 09:03 AM
  #2
Well good for you to enjoy certain things. I'm still trying to find one thing to enjoy and make it stick. I don't even know fun. But I still look. I don't know why I am always looking cause I'm always failing. Relationships fail, if forced to continue like at work, life becomes very stressful, unbearable.
I'm not sure what your question is but if your asking to stay still.... well that's totally up to you. Me? I get bored to easy.
Best of luck in your adventures.
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Default Aug 03, 2011 at 11:08 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by mkpleco View Post
Well good for you to enjoy certain things. I'm still trying to find one thing to enjoy and make it stick. I don't even know fun. But I still look. I don't know why I am always looking cause I'm always failing. Relationships fail, if forced to continue like at work, life becomes very stressful, unbearable.
I'm not sure what your question is but if your asking to stay still.... well that's totally up to you. Me? I get bored to easy.
Best of luck in your adventures.
Thank you for your reply. I suppose my question is: Should I live life as I am right now, basically in solitude where I feel comfortable? Or, should I force myself to "get out there", find friendships and all that, even if I don't necessarily feel like it?

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't found an enjoyable activity in your life. I hope you find at least one thing in your life that you find "fun", or even an activity that makes you feel content.
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Default Aug 04, 2011 at 08:33 AM
  #4
I do know a number of younger people like yourself online that stay at home and do solitary things. I at a young age felt the need to survive. That ment getting a job making money for food clothes and such. I'm always close to living on the street.just one bad move, bad day and I'm out. I have no support system, no family to fall back on to. However I am the one to help people out but I don't look to do that. I do feel I'm better off then most cause I try to live my life simple.

Again I know many people online that choose to live in solitary in someone's house. Most goto school too.but what do you do when your support is gone?
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Default Aug 04, 2011 at 09:11 AM
  #5
If you are not out in the world much, do not have and have never had many relationships, it's hard to "want" any? I don't know how old you are, Melissa, but I imagine it is too early to decide you are set in your ways and "through" unless you want to be that way? I don't know the reason you ask the questions? Do you want to not have many friends and just be by yourself or does that make you a bit lonely?

Without much experience of a gamut of behaviors and emotions and the training to "understand"/interpret them for yourself, it's a little hard to judge what we like or don't like; it's kind of like not liking a particular food item without having ever tried it. What you think you like/dislike, may not be true and, without much experience with others, you can't know, if you met someone new, whether you'd like/not like them or want/not want a relationship with them.

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Default Aug 04, 2011 at 12:56 PM
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mkpleco - you say you know many people online who live in solitary in "someone's house". I have my own apartment, where my younger brother lives with me. I do have somewhat of a support system, however. They consist primarily of my younger brother, father, and older sister. Although I could be 100% self-sufficient, I do like having that "support system" in my life. It feels good to be close to a few people, I just don't care to be close to many people.

Perna - Thank you for your reply. I am 19 years old. I suppose I should have elaborated more - yes, I have had friendships in the past, as well as 2 "romantic" relationships. I quickly found out that romantic relationships are not my cup of tea. This is one thing I am sure of. I enjoyed some of the friendships, but didn't want to spend too much time with them. I only saw them in school, and usually declined to socialize outside of school. Generally, I do not enjoy socializing.

What you say is correct though - and reflects what made me create this topic in the first place - perhaps if I tried socializing again, I would enjoy it. To be honest, the thought of it feels kind of like a chore I despise doing...but, as you said, it could end up being like a food I didn't want to try but ended up liking it.
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Default Aug 21, 2011 at 05:24 PM
  #7
Hi, Melissa. I think you should keep in mind that your "diagnosis" (which from the details you provide sounds very tentative) might not be entirely accurate. The "schizoid" spectrum covers a lot of territory, from SPD on one end to completely normal characteristics on the other. It basically just means you like to do things by yourself. If a person takes that to extremes, then it can be a problem. But many very normal people like to do things by themselves and don't have many friends.

And at your age you're still changing and doing a lot of growing. In five years you may enjoy doing some things you don't enjoy now. Or you may find yourself with a few good friends whose company you really appreciate. Don't take your T's comments as "defining" you and telling you what you should like or dislike. Life and people are a whole lot messier than the DSM-IV would have you believe. And any decent T you talk with will confirm this. People have all kinds of perfectly unique combinations of normal traits and symptoms of illness that don't add up to illness because there aren't enough of them. It's just another kind of normality.

In other words, enjoy life in every way you can, but don't force yourself to do things you really don't like because you think it's "good" for you. DO try things from time to time that you haven't liked in the past to see if you've changed. People do change, a lot. Take care!

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Default Oct 13, 2011 at 03:28 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by mkpleco View Post
Well good for you to enjoy certain things. I'm still trying to find one thing to enjoy and make it stick.
While I think "enjoy" might be outside my range of emotions, I find that the closest I come to that is when I'm having a cigar or a cup of Turkish coffee or if I'm traveling alone to someplace I've never been.

Quote:
I don't even know fun.
I genuinely wish others to have fun, but either I have no clue what it is and/or it's outside of my range of emotions.

Quote:
But I still look. I don't know why I am always looking cause I'm always failing.
Or maybe a societal expectation?

Quote:
Relationships fail, if forced to continue like at work, life becomes very stressful, unbearable.
Yeah, I have no clue about relationships. There are people who call me their friend, but I really have no clue what that's like for them. I just don't get that whole relationship thing.

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Loners are not lonely people. Lonely people are not loners.
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Default Oct 14, 2011 at 03:54 AM
  #9
Accepting who you are is necessary for everyone. It doesn't mean you can't change; it is more just taking stock of where you are and what you have. Refusing to accept who you are is trying to pretend that your situation is different than it is - and then how can you make any real changes to your situation?
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Default Oct 14, 2011 at 09:50 PM
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I think its good to get out and do things. I know its difficult When your alone and comfortable. I'm never completely alone or comfortable and I'm easily bored so I end up going out. I may take my car get a coffee and watch people in relationships doing what they do. eh I'm bored again.

going out gives you the chance to witness something. maybe a young dragonfly crawling out of its exoskeleton or a hawk eating a squirrel. But in the end I really don't see the point. Every day I survive only to repeat the nextday

"Societal expectations?"............ Yeah I'm not typical.
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Default Oct 23, 2011 at 01:38 PM
  #11
It is what it is. Accept that it is and either be content with that or do something about it.

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